I got this random message from a guy the other day and he asked me, “How do I get out the friend zone?” Now my first reaction was, I’m not Dr. Laura, why the hell are you asking me? But then I thought about it and realized that all I really write about is my love for women, sex and writing. So maybe switching it up isn’t such a bad thing.
So buddy if you’re reading this, here’s your answer. You can’t make it out the friend zone once you’re in there. I’m sorry, I wish I could give you some hope but the truth is it’s a black hole. So you have two options, you can cut all ties and just move on or you can embrace it and be the best friend Facebook can buy!
Let’s go over both points and I’m writing from a man’s perspective but this applies to both men and women. Just replace all my women references with references towards men, you all get it. My readers are all geniuses.
CUTTING ALL TIES…
I can’t sing but in my best Trey Songz voice… “We can’t be friends.” You guys add the chorus, my point is simple, certain women are just marriage material. As soon as you meet them, talk to them, go out with them. You know in your heart there is no way I could ever be a friend to this woman because the thought of being this close to her and never having anything more is physically sickening.
I’ll be honest with you all, I’ve tried to go the route of… “I would rather have her in my life in any capacity than to not have her in my life at all.” Ummmmm yeah, that’s the dumbest decision I’ve ever made! I was this close to fucking her world up because the thought of her with another man destroyed me. So no matter how hard it is I had to cut all ties. The friend zone may seem like a friendly place but it’s actually not, ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE THE FRIEND ZONE!!!
You have to have a certain mentality to be in a place where you’re always on standby, where you’re always number two at the very least. A place where you listen to her complain about men you know you’re better than, a place where good deeds are rewarded with… “You’re sweet,” or “I wish there were more men like you.” As oppose to sex in the truck or great dinners cooked in heels and air.
The friend zone isn’t all bad, there is certain courage, honor, charm associated with it. If you take the right attitude you can make the most out of it, unfortunately for me….
I DON’T REALLY HAVE THAT ATTITUDE FOR WOMEN THAT I KNOW I COULD BE GREAT FOR!
I’m actually pretty good at the whole man/woman friendship thing. Mostly because my pride won’t allow me to play myself but the simple truth is. I know who I can and can’t be friends with.
And if I love you, we just can’t be friends. My fucking heart would break every time I heard your voice, saw a text or even a damn FB status.
So if you’re reading this random FB guy, evaluate what she means to you and if the cost is too high. Cash your chips in and move on.
EMBRACING THE FRIEND ZONE…
Now, I just spoke on walking away if the cost of the friend zone is too high but what if the cost isn’t? What if you never had the chance to kiss her, to hold her, to love her? What if… You wanting more was simply in your mind and she was never going to give you any play anyway.
If that’s the case, you embrace the hell out of that friend zone. You answer the phone at two in the morning when you know all she wants to do is talk. You help her move when you know she’s not giving you anything other than a hug. You get your ass off the phone and go take care of her flat tire or messed up timing belt when you could easily let her sorry man do it.
“Why would I do these things Demez?”
I’ll tell you why brother! You do these things for the reputation you will earn. Because fine women usually hang out with fine women, it’s just who they are. Ugly girls are women that aren’t as attractive as them give off bad vibes so they kick it with other chicks that are in their zone. And what happens is, even though she’s never going to let you come close to touching it. She’ll big you up to all her girls.
“Girl, I was late because I had a flat but Demez took care of it. I love that man.” And from there she’s letting them know, he’s not my man, he doesn’t hit it. He’s just a good guy, a sincere guy. And her girls are like, interesting…
So now if there’s an add on Facebook, a party where you all hookup, her fine ass friends are going to feel like they know you. There’s not going to be any awkwardness or fear that you’re just like the rest because your friend, your girl, she looked out for you.
And it’s also more than that, women protect good men. If I tell her, “Hey, I’m meeting your girl for drinks.” She’s going to tell me whether or not she has a man or whether she’s a ho because she values my friendship. I’m not saying the friend zone is a bad place, it’s not a bad place at all.
It’s just not a place you can go to with every woman.
Listen to me or I should say read me… Very carefully…
We aren’t all meant for everyone, just because a woman is beautiful, smart, ambitious, has all the things you want. That doesn’t mean she’s attracted to you so therefore the whole relationship vibe was never there. It was always one sided. Having a good female friend can be the best thing that can happen to you if you open up your mind and see her for a friend instead of an investment.
Spending your time, money, heart. Thinking that she will eventually see you’re right for her, that’s a sucker bet. If you go into the friend zone, go into it with good intentions and a good heart.
I have more female friends than I can count, with every drink I pay for, every phone call I get. I question whether or not it’s worth it sometimes but then when I’m going through a hard time or I’ve just went through something with a woman I thought was the one. Those same chicks that put me in the friend zone or there to hold me down!
Or make the decision to be honest and open and tell her. “I want more from you and if you give me a chance I can make you love me like he can’t! Just give me a chance!”
She’s either going to open her arms and heart or give you some bullshit answer. But you’ll know either way, I hope this helps you random Facebook guy and if doesn’t. Just me her name, I’ll look her up on FB and write a love letter from you to her.
My words melt hearts…