Show Me It’s Real…

You know what I like about this blog, it’s the fact that it hasn’t blown up yet. I’m confident in my writing so I know it will sooner than later but right now it hasn’t so I can be more honest than I am anywhere else.

Do you know why I write so much? It’s partially because I love writing but more than that it’s because I really don’t have anyone to talk to about the things on my mind. I know a bunch of women and I have associates but the truth is I don’t have that sort of relationship with any of them.

Like, I meet these women and they come at me like it’s the beginning of the rest of our lives and shit always goes bad. Always! It literally never fails and the truth is I’m just getting tired of it. I need more, at this point in my life I need more. The sort of man I am I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve, I want the hand holding on the couch, the kisses in the truck. I want the cakey text and slutty pictures that are only meant for me.

And I don’t want this stuff from just anyone, if that was the case I could have had it a long time ago. I don’t want it from some bopper because I’m paying her tuition so that leaves me in the middle. It leaves me having to find a woman that’s beautiful and sexy and all the things I want without her being a fucking call girl.

Look, I’ve never let my personal life get in the way of getting up and going to work everyday. I’ve never let it get in the way of me writing my ass off! Never! Regardless of how I’ve felt I’ve done what I had to do to make myself successful!

But at this point I just need to know it’s real, I just need something to happen to reaffirm my faith in women because right now I don’t have much. Yeah, I’ll get a dozen chicks saying the right stuff but the number of them that are making it count with their actions….

Not so much!

I just need to know that ‘She Will.’

I just need to know that it’s real!

I’m a kisser, I love kissing and touching and feeling her skin. May 10th was the last time I saw her, the last time I really saw her and no matter how hard I try and replace her I can’t. I just can’t, no matter how many women I go out with, no matter how many women I write about.

My novel is selling, really selling and who the hell am I supposed to share that with. I haven’t had one bad review yet and I don’t even know how to feel about that. I just want a good night, a good date, some affection.

I wake up some nights afraid that I’m going to lose my mind.

I don’t want to lose my mind.

I’m fucking tripping right now. I just need a hug, I just get tired of always taking care of everyone else. I need someone to put this weight on.

2 thoughts on “Show Me It’s Real…

  1. I admire you so much and I don’t even know you. I read your words and say to myself why can’t I find a man like this, one who cares so much he pays attention to the minor details. The PDA, the pillowtalk, I don’t get that. My dude is the most unemotional person I’ve ever met. You deserve everything you want in a woman. You are talented and caring. I can tell just by your words alone.

  2. Just remember,God won’t put no more on you than you can be.What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.We all have our moments,but it’s our faith that carries us through.In due time you will have all the happiness your heart desires.You just have to hang in there & believe.

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