Dear Heavenly Father…
You made me so you get that I’ve always been better at writing my thoughts out than just speaking them. I’m writing to you tonight because I could really use your help at the moment, I could use your clarity. Nights like tonight I just don’t get where I’m supposed to be, what I’m supposed to be doing?! Nights like tonight I feel like I’m the only person in this world! And I just don’t get it! I really don’t!
I don’t like complaining to you because you’ve really blessed me with an amazing life and an amazing talent but who else am I supposed to turn to! Who else am I supposed to talk to about this!? What has it been, five, six years maybe… Since Ash and I broke up and I haven’t had a girlfriend since? Countless women in and out of my life and I feel empty.
As I write this the Hennessy is literally burning my throat, my father is an alcoholic. He has 13, 14 children he’s never done anything for. Some nights I wonder if that’s my fate?! If I’m going to be that man! You know me, you know how hard I try and not be that person! How much I want more for myself!
But you took her from me! You took my son from me and I just don’t know anymore! I just don’t know how much longer I can be this person you want me to be! How much longer I can fight these urges to sleep with groupies or drink myself to sleep every night! I feel like I’m losing my mind at times and I just don’t want to feel this way anymore.
I once read that some of the most talented men were some of the most tormented. I now get that! I asked you for success when it came to my novel and you’ve given me that. I literally can’t keep a book in my hand before they’re sold out. You’ve given me this amazing mind and imagination, you’ve given me health and life!
Now I’m coming to you and asking you for her! I need her! I’m no good alone and you know that! Whoever she is, just give me a chance for an introduction. I get so tired of all the talking, I just want to sit on a couch and have her lie on my chest. I just want to know she’s holding me down for me and not for what I can do for her. I just want her to be beautiful! Am I asking for too much?! Am I!!!!?
I share my thoughts with the world! My fears! My ambitions! I have no desire to hide who I am or how I feel. You’ve given me the ability to express myself and I’m using it!
I need to hear the words ‘I love you,’ I need to know I’m not in this alone because right now I feel like I’m in a room full of people and they’re all there and clapping and happy and they’re looking thru me!
I went to church, I got on my knees and asked for your help and I felt like you abandoned me! I wake up every morning looking at my phone, my email for a sign that I didn’t make her up! For a sign that it matters to someone!
I’m writing to you because writing to them eased my mind, knowing people read my work and care about my words makes me feel like I’m worthy! But they can’t help me with what I need tonight! It’s easy to smile at work, to smile at home but right now I don’t feel like smiling! I feel like I need a friend, a shoulder, a kiss!
Just give me a sign, give me strength, just let me know I’m not losing my mind. I can’t take anymore heart breaks, I won’t make it thru the next one.
In Your Darling Son Jesus’s Name…