I think about marriage a lot. Maybe because I’ve convinced myself that my wife will complete me. As crazy as it sounds I’ve never really had a bestfriend or someone I was completely honest with. So when I write about these incredibly powerful, incredibly sensual women I’m writing about women that I see standing at the alter waiting on me. I named my novel ‘Walking Down the Aisle’ for Christ sake. So when I write these stories I’m writing in hopes that I’m foreshadowing. I used to see a certain face when I wrote these things, now I just see hope.
I thought I would be nervous, I thought my hands would be shaking or my knees getting ready to buckle. I was twenty nine and the idea of sleeping with one woman for the rest of my life seemed unimaginable just a year ago. But standing here, seeing everyone stand up, hearing the music playing, I feel a sense of calm I’ve never felt before.
A sense of love and pride and faith that’s like a halo over my head. My parents, her parents, my boys, her bridesmaids, none of them mattered. None of them were there, in my mind it was just me waiting up here. Just me at the alter waiting for her to come thru those doors.
Adele came thru the speakers, her mom almost had a heart attack that she wasn’t walking down the aisle to “Here comes the bride” but this was her day, our day and this song was our song. This song represented everything we were, everything we felt. She was my “One and Only…”
I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I’m worth it to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove I’m the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts
Come and give me the chance
To prove that I’m the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts.
I could hear the collective breath of the audience as she came into view, I’m sure every man says his first child is the most beautiful baby anyone has ever seen. Every parent thinks their son or daughter is the smartest person in the classroom. I’m positive every man that has stood at this alter before me just knew his wife was perfect.
Looking at her in that dress, seeing her shoulders, her neck, her collarbone glow, the grace, the sex appeal, the way every eye was not only on her but ON HER! There has never been a more perfect bride in this world, a more perfect woman for this song and for this MOMENT!
I have imagined this all, I imagined it the first night we hung out, I imagined it the first night we saw that wedding dress in the window. I imagined it the first time I held her hand and kissed her, it wouldn’t be easy but anything worth having is worth fighting for.
And her love was worth fighting for, THIS MOMENT WAS WORTH FIGHTING FOR! The closer she got to the alter, the more the emotion hit me, the more I knew it was going to happen. I could stop holding my breath, I could stop thinking this was all a dream or a story, this was life…
THIS WAS MY FUCKING WIFE LOOKING LIKE AN ANGEL IN FRONT OF ME!!!!
I grabbed her hands, they were warm and soft and perfect. They were the hands that belonged to me now, the fingers, the nails, they were all mine. She was mine, I was worthy, she was giving me a chance to love her forever!
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness two people be joined in Holy Matrimony…”
Honestly, I wasn’t hearing anything he was saying, I was looking at her. My best man tapped me on my back, the crowd giggled, I snapped out of my trance and remembered the vows I’d written. I knew them by heart, how could I not? Looking at her reminded me of the vows, of the promise I was making to her. I opened my mouth, licked my lips, smiled, talking to her was the most natural thing in the world.
I love you… I have since I was born I think. Even before I met you, before I knew you existed, I knew you EXISTED! Because I know in my heart God created you for me, I know in my heart there’s not a soul in this Universe that’s more in sync with what I need, with what I want! In front of God, this minister, our friends and family! I would go to the depths of hell to be with you, to bring you back! I will never let any harm come to you, I will never forsake you or put another before you!
I squeezed her right hand tighter and wiped a tear away from her face with my left hand.
Nobody’s perfect but you’re close. I don’t want you to obey me or to stay with me until death do us part, I want you work with you and stay live with me for eternity! In this life and the next! Waking up next to you every morning is a gift that I thank God for everyday! EVERY SINGLE DAY! You’re my wife, my heart and my soul! You’ll be the mother of my children and the foundation to my life and strength! I don’t know where I would be or who I would be without you. I don’t love you… I’M “IN LOVE” WITH YOU! At the mention of your name alone I still get chill bumps, will you marry me? Will you accept this love I have for you in my heart!?
“I said yes then, I’m saying yes today and I’ll say yes everyday you ask! I DO! I DO! I DO!”
The preacher laughed because she didn’t say her vows, she just skipped over all that and said “I do!” But it wasn’t a laughing matter to me, she was my wife, it was her day, she could do what she wanted!
He just looked at us, “It seems my work here is done, place the ring on her finger.”
I did and she cried, this was going to be the best sex ever tonight. “By the Holy Father and the State of Texas I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss your Bride!”
Have I been on your mind?
You hang on every word I say, lose yourself in time
At the mention of my name, will I ever know
How it feels to hold you close
And have you tell me which ever road I chose you’ll go
I don’t know why I’m scared, I’ve been here before
Every feeling every word, I’ve imagined it all,
You never know if you never tried to forgive your past
And simply be mine