Saturday Night Thoughts…

My grandmother passed out today while she was working in her yard. Her blood pressure was sky high. It scared me to death even though on the outside I didn’t let anything show when my aunt told me about it. See the thing is my grandmother has always been there for me, she raised me.

When I found out about it I wanted to talk to someone, share what I was feeling with someone but the truth is there’s no one. I just needed pillow talk or a kiss or a hug. Something to get my mind off feeling like my grandparents will die soon. Because that’s what I’m thinking to be honest. No one lives forever and they’re getting to that point where it may be their time.

I look through my phone to see who I can talk to or go chill with and my mind hits a blank. I don’t want to turn to drinking but it’s in my genes right?

There’s just a part of me that wants more than anything to tell my grandparents everything will be alright; a part of me that wants to tell myself everything will be alright. A kiss on the forehead, a smile, her just being here… It’s what I see when I sleep, what I day dream about when I’m at work.

But apparently God hasn’t see fit to put that person in my life because all I have is me. So I’ll pray for my grandmother tonight and pray that I don’t lose my mind. Because the truth is I’m no good without a woman in my life. On some level I need a ‘her’ to balance out how I feel…

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