I’d never liked hospitals, I was never here for an happy occasion. Not for the birth of a child or someone getting out of a cast. It was always death and pain, always dreary and dark. Cold and sterile.
His head was down, there was blood on his shirt but I didn’t see a scratch on him. Why wasn’t he saying anything?! Why wasn’t he saying anything?!
“How bad is it!!?” I grabbed his face so that he would look at me, his eyes met my eyes and I knew. I knew, what the fuck?! What?! We were talking without talking!
“Dead?! He’s dead!!!” My mouth opened but no screams came out, the tears welled in my eyes but they didn’t fall. His face, his smile, his hands, his laugh, they all flashed before me. I saw us in bed last night, I saw the last text he sent.
“He’s not dead Keri…” I couldn’t take my eyes off the blood on his shirt, why was there so much blood on his shirt?! My hands were in my hair, I needed them there to stop them from
“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN HE’S NOT DEAD!!!? Stop with the fucking riddles!!!” I grabbed his shirt, he pushed me away, I flew into the table! Magazines and chairs went everywhere! People in the waiting room, nurses walking by. They all stood up and looked at him, he looked at me!
How did he know?!
How did he know?!
“Bitch!!! What did you think was going to happen!? He’s in a fucking coma!!! He’s brain dead! BRAIN DEAD!!!”
He launched at me! I jumped behind a chair and tried to run, he grabbed my jacket, I came out of it! A doctor tried to grab him, he hit him in the nose! People were yelling, I didn’t look back running down the hallway! Security grabbed him, it took three of them to hold him and drag him off!
“YOU KILLED HIM! HE’S FUCKING BRAIN DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU! BECAUSE OF YOU! I’LL GET YOU FOR THIS SHIT! You killed my best friend, you killed my best friend…”
I could feel everyone looking at me, my heart was beating so fast I couldn’t hear myself think. They were all looking at me, judging me but they didn’t know. They didn’t know, it wasn’t my fault! It wasn’t my fault!
I don’t know how long I sat in the waiting room alone, the rain falling outside, the cold air causing me to sniffle. I heard him before I saw him.
“Mrs. Hall, this is always a difficult decision but your husband no brain function left. He’s only breathing with the help of a machine, do you want to unplug the machine?”
I should have called his mother, his sisters, I should have cried and asked if it was more they could do….
“Do not resuscitate him. Pull the plug.”