A Letter to Demez…

Dear Demez,

There is a part of you I fear no one will ever know.

There is an emptiness inside of you that I fear will never be filled.

For all of your good qualities there is a part of your soul, your mind, that will never truly feel you deserve the grace God has bestowed upon you.

 

You’ve come too far to walk back but are you willing to walk forward? To open the door and take the risk?

Is there a night, a day, a moment where you don’t wonder if you’ll fall apart and burn into pieces?

When you pour the liquid in the glass and watch it sit there, taunting you, waiting on you… Knowing what it did to your father, what it’s capable of doing to you… When you feel the burn coursing down your throat catching fire in your chest.

 

Why does self-destruction come so natural?  

Why are you willing to sabotage every relationship?

Every friendship?

 

Does she think about you? Probably not…

Will they miss you once the writing stops and the words don’t flow so naturally? Who knows…

Is there a happily ever after in your future? Only if you open your heart to the possibility…

 

The touch of a woman calms you, gives you life in the moment but only in the moment.

The feeling of knowing you made her smile stops with her smile.

The thought of waking up to the humming of the ceiling fan and the chirp of the birds only serves to remind you that you’re waking up alone.

 

I write you this not to remind you of that emptiness, of that hole.

But to give you hope that with all I’ve said you still have a chance at redemption.

A chance to be great in this life and the next.

 

The storm clouds are gathering outside.

The rain is falling.

Your heart is heavy but the storm will pass.

 

I believe in you even when you don’t believe in yourself for you am I and I am you.

Maybe you’ll die on a hotel room in Paris alone with a bottle of scotch and your precious words.

Or maybe you’ll die surrounded by family and friends.

 

Either way just know your fate is in your hands.

 

Sincerely Yours,

Demez F. White

 

 

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