Controlled Insanity

When I post a blog, it’s usually for 1 out of 3 reasons.

The first being publicity. I write something sexual or relateable that will generate a lot of attention.

The second is to uplift. I’ll write about faith or love or trust in the hopes that someone will read it and be inspired or know they’re not alone with how they feel.

And the third is for my sanity. I write for my sanity. It keeps me from venting on FB or texting silly things to people I’m angry at. I guess it’s my form of therapy.

Between myself and whomever shall read this I want you to know one thing. I Demez White am an incredibly lonely guy. Maybe it’s by choice, maybe it’s by circumstance or maybe it’s due to temperament and attitude. But whatever the reason I have these days where I don’t talk to a soul.

There’s no one calling to say Good Morning, no midday text messages or emails. And what this leads to is me falling incredibly hard and incredibly fast for women that just don’t feel the same way.

So what should have been a couple dates that didn’t work out turns into me feeling like I lost everything. And the process never gets any better.

Questions you ask yourself…


Why doesn’t she need to see me like I need to see her?

When does it get easier?

How can I be better


I was out the other day and I was telling someone how I wasn’t the needy guy that calls a lot or shows up unannounced.

She said something that I’ve been thinking about sense. ‘You are needy, you just expect people to read minds.’

I need work to be over so I can get wasted and drink myself out of this place I’m in.

2 thoughts on “Controlled Insanity

  1. oh boy…been there…..still there sometimes. I can go entire days (when my kids are gone) without having one single conversation….

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