Emotional Cheating is Worse…

Emotional Cheating…

I’m going to write this from a male’s point of view even though most of my readers are women; you all will still get the point I promise.

Cheating is cheating, we all know this. Going on a date even if there isn’t one body part that touches another person, it’s cheating. Kisses with an ex, sex on Spring Break or in Vegas with some woman that lives clear across the country, it’s all cheating.

But…

This is what we all think but never really say. Sex is simply an act and if people would leave the texting, emails and internet alone most would never get caught. Especially if it’s a one time, safe act or if it happens with a close friend or a child’s father or the mother.

I’m not condoning it, I’m simply saying it’s a lot easier to remove yourself from a lustful man or woman than it is to remove yourself from a mental and emotional connection. And this is where I get to my point about emotional cheating.

I’m an articulate man, I always have been. I see things other men don’t see, if you’re a woman that always wears dark colors I’ll notice the day you wear pink or yellow. If you’re a wine drinker I’ll notice when you order a hard drink. Women love that about me because most of the time it’s something their man doesn’t do. I’m not saying that in a bragging way or an arrogant way, it’s just the way it is.

And what tends to happen is a FB status or note leads to an inbox message and that leads to a phone number and that leads to a call or text. The conversations become really serious really fast because I’m not the “let me see it type.” I don’t really go after sex from women that I talk to because I sort of feel that that comes in time if it’s meant to go that route.

So what happens is they or I should say we become emotionally invested in each other. She calls and tells me about her problems, I listen and give good advice, I make sure to never knock her man or to tell her to leave because that’s probably what all her friends are saying.

I make the conversations about her and what she wants and likes and needs. I do it on purpose because men and women alike need to feel important, we need to feel like our wants and desires matter.

See, I can talk to my boys all day and a woman can talk to her girls all day but there is nothing like a mature conversation between a man and a woman. Her coming to me and saying, “Mez, I’m not happy, I love him and I don’t want to leave but I’m not happy.” She needs someone to relate to that, to understand that without judging her or trying to get some ass.

I provide that and I provide it well because I don’t have a woman and I thrive off conversation and making someone feel good. I love giving compliments and meeting for drinks, texting and hearing her laugh. I’m doing what her man should be doing in a respectable manner and because there is no sex, no disrespect per say. We both think it’s okay.

But is it okay? Seriously?

We’re talking all the time, she’s worried about me when I’m not around. I’m worried about her when I don’t hear from her. Yeah, there’s no sex, there’s no hidden moments where I should feel guilty but the emotional connection has been made. And with that comes a sense of care of vulnerability that will lead to something else.

This is what I’ve always understood about women and what I try to tell men all the time; the easiest thing in the world to do is to arouse a woman that’s attracted to you physically. But that doesn’t last if she’s not going to find you interesting. But if you get her mind and she starts to trust you and see traits in you that she knows her man doesn’t have. It’s now a competition and it shouldn’t be.

Because she loves him and he loves her and I’m simply a friend. A friend that she’s now come to depend on for emotional support, laughter, mental stimulation. And things start to change.

Before if she had a bad day, she called him, now she calls me.

Before if she had a great day, she called him, now she texts me.

And just like that it’s emotional cheating.

And that shit is dangerous because words are dangerous. I’m a sexual guy, I love the idea of turning someone on in an intelligent way and I get off on doing that. So if I know she’s weak and tired of his bullshit, I might say something that will lead us down that path. And that’s not right, even though we may have known each other for months the cheating started the moment we started talking about things she should have been talking about with him.

And lets just say it never comes to sex, it never comes to kissing or licking or anything. It remains emotional. That’s still bad because if he hurts her I’m going to want to hurt him and if some woman does me dirty, she’s going to catch feelings and want to say something.

Emotional Cheating is not worse but more dangerous than just sex.

Because it’s harder to walk away and if you fuck someone one time and that’s it, it’s rare that I’ll find out. But if there is a year or months worth of emotional emails and texts, cute pictures of her trying on clothes or at work.

Shit is going to get real when he finds out and if I’m emotionally invested, I wouldn’t even care because I care about her at this point. That’s why being charming in a friendly way can be dangerous. So if you have a problem with your man or woman, talk about it and keep it moving.

But don’t invite another person into your mind, heart and soul.

I’m late for drinks so I don’t have time to edit this, excuse any errors.

Thank You…

 

 

11 thoughts on “Emotional Cheating is Worse…

  1. Reblogged this on work spouse story and commented:
    I simply agree with everything Mez said here. I’ve been both a victim, and a perpetrator, of emotional cheating.

    ‘I love the idea of turning someone on in an intelligent way and I get off on doing that.’ – these could have been my words.

    But Mez points to a crucial point here. Perhaps as long as you control it, as long as you both agree it’s a game, fine. The problem starts though when you start becoming vulnerable to someone. When you start to care. Deeply. When the person to come to with your problem is not your man, but the other man.

    When the fuck will I learn this lesson.

  2. “talking about things she should have been talking about with him”

    Bingo. I think that is the moment when she really needs to figure out what she means by “I love him but I’m not happy”. If you’re in love with someone shouldn’t they be the one you want to turn to, to share yourself and your emotions with? That’s a pretty big deal for me, anyway.

    She may not want to hurt him. She may be fond of him and cherish their history. She may not have reason to not love him anymore. But is she honestly still in love with him or just afraid to lose him? She’s obviously afraid to talk to him about it.

  3. Oh I like this! I agree completely…emotional cheating is much harder to overlook or overcome….sex is just sex. But relying on someone to fulfill your emotional needs is a betrayal when it should be given to your partner. Its a dangerous line….

  4. Something about this post struck me as really depressing… Even though I agree with your points, the concept of emotional cheating is bleak overall. Can otherwise involved men and women never get close with the opposite sex without making it somehow “wrong”? I always wonder where the line is on these things…

  5. I completely agree! I was actually in that exact situation that you explained. My boyfriend is pretty dull sometimes, so it’s hard to get the affection/ emotional connection that I want. I found myself looking to other guys to get that. I didn’t see anything wrong then. I just figured that it was JUST talking, what’s wrong with that? Everything.
    Wonderful post!

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