I base most of my writing on the ideal that I’m dealing with real readers and real people. We aren’t all Saints, we don’t all live in perfect bubbles. Some of us have cheated and lied and did things others will never know about. If you’re one of those women that has never cheated or lied or had sex outside of a relationship, congrats.
You may want to stop reading now and go have a pillow fight with a Unicorn. As for the rest of you, enjoy. And to any male readers I may have, just know if you’re doing any of these things to your woman she may not be cheating per say but you’re most def losing her one way or the other.
Reason Seven: Lowering Her Standards… There is nothing like getting accustomed to a certain lifestyle. I’ve never dated a woman that cooked everyday or wanted to have sex every night but if I did I probably couldn’t go back. It’s the same with women. If she’s dating a guy that’s meeting all her needs financially and this doesn’t mean she doesn’t work. This just means he supplements her lifestyle, before she was living paycheck to paycheck, now he pays a bill or two, buys groceries and clothes. She’s gotten used to having that extra money, having a man that doesn’t want her to want for anything. So dating you and you’re broke or struggling, she’s having to help you. Having to play the role her ex played. That’s not easy for a lot of women and it becomes very tempting to walk back thru those old doors. To call or text the guy that treated her like you simply can’t. It doesn’t make her less of a woman, it just makes her human. It’s hard out here when you’re on your own.
Reason Six: Sex… The Elephant in the Room… It’s important, it always was, it always will be. Sex is a unique thing because when it’s right it can right so many wrongs but when it’s wrong it’s incredibly frustrating. I wrote a blog awhile back about “Emotional Cheating” and how it’s worse than physical cheating because it simply means more. But a lot of emotional cheating starts because sexual needs aren’t being met. Quick question? Are there still guys in 2012 that don’t do oral? Answer, yes. My inbox is full of women that are frustrated with how selfish their mate is. Frustration and selfishness leads to vulnerability which leads to “friendships” which lead to… her bussin it wide open for good conversation. Once again, adults have affairs, this note isn’t about what’s right or wrong, it’s about what happens in the real world.
Reason Five: Children (Whispers: Yes Children)… Children and finances are the number one cause of resentment. Women have babies by men they were planning on breaking up with next week and those kids come up looking like those men. Those kids kill dreams and ruin bodies and strain relationships. It sounds really good to say, “I love my baby and I couldn’t imagine life without him/her” but that’s bullshit. I’ve talked to so many really good mothers that simply weren’t ready to be mothers and that’s not a bad thing. Children are expensive and needy and helpless and they change the course of lives. So when this man that you don’t love isn’t being a good dad, isn’t being a good provider but you’re staying in there for the sake of the child, she’s going to cheat. Smart ones will leave but when it comes to children and their fathers smart isn’t always on the top of the list. So when she gets a breath and she starts to remember the man she wanted before the loser knocked her up she may just creep. A night or two, an afternoon or two, just to remember what life was like before.
Reason Four: Friendships… Why do men and women both hate that “bestfriend” term when it comes to the opposite sex? Because more than not that friendship derived from a place of mutual attraction. And the thing about mutual attraction is that it never goes away. From a man’s perspective, women are easy to talk to when I’m struggling because I can’t be myself with a guy. And most women hate talking to other women because they already know what she’s going to say. Really bad fights with her man, she finds out he’s cheating, she finds out he’s lying. She runs to that “bestfriend” and even if it’s only for a night, for a moment, she finds comfort in his lips, his touch. Because she knows she can trust him and she knows that whatever happens will stay between them. The thing I try to tell other guys and most eventually get is that women are just smarter than us. They are graduating college at a faster pace, raising families on their own and they cheat better than us. Friendships = comfort= trust= opportunity.
Reason Three: Revenge… Vengeance is a natural and raw human emotion. Imagine a friend calling you and telling you the person you love, have sacrificed for, have cried over, have believed in…. is at Pappadeaux on 610 or Kirby in a booth feeding some chick fondue. You pace the house, call his phone ten times and get no answer. So against your better judgment knowing it’s true you go up there and there he is. With his ex that played him or some girl that liked waaaay too much stuff on FB or even worse he’s with a downgrade. You know yelling and cursing isn’t going to do a thing and hitting him or fighting her isn’t what you’re about. But what you do know, what every woman knows from birth is that men can’t handle the thought of dick running inside of their woman. We’re weak when it comes to that, we go crazy. So all his bullshit, all the hurt he’s caused leads her to want revenge. Leads her to fuck a man she’d never even go out with just to spite him, to hurt him. Women hate talking about revenge sex because it’s beneath most of you but it’s thriving. Especially when you have a generation of men that don’t know how to do wrong right.
Reason Two: Opportunity… I had a book signing at aLoft last year, there was drinks and flirting and it was just a really nice atmosphere. There was this woman there that I knew was married, she didn’t hide it and she didn’t seem overly unhappy. We were talking and she just started to tell me how bored she was. It was quite honest and innocent but I could just tell she wasn’t there so much for my book but just to get out the house. There are a lot of women that don’t have girlfriends and that have men that have become complacent. So that night was her just wanting to be alive and I told her I had a room upstairs and we flirted but nothing came of it. However, I’m pretty sure, and this could be the arrogance of a writer, that if I would have pushed the issue she would have came upstairs. Not because she didn’t love her husband or her child. But because she was 34 feeling like her life was work, family and missionary sex. When women are bored or lonely and they get that vacation opportunity or that one guy that just makes sense when she knows she’s not wearing panties. Things between adults happen.
Reason One: Religion… Religion is the single most smothering trait women deal with. It’s judgmental and it’s one sided. Religion teaches submission and controls the masses with fear. That’s religion alone but religion combined with spirituality and faith lead to fulfilling lives. But most people are fraud when it comes to faith. Why do you think you see so many women that quote Rick Ross or Wale or Friday night but have all the scriptures popping on Sunday or when they’re stressed? It’s not because they’re fake it’s because they feel guilty for sinning so they try to be extra religious. But this is the thing, God created us to be flawed, we will make mistakes, we aren’t meant to judge each other. And what happens is women get judged so hard for these small sins that they start to suppress sexuality and they do things that make no damn sense. Like being submissive to men that haven’t deserved it. Falling for sham preachers or deacons or guys that are general fuckups but tell you they love the Lord. You want to get some easy ass, go to a Bible Study and pretend to be interested and women will fall over you because they’ve been conditioned to “Love a Godly Man.” And that woman has a man at home that would rather watch the Lakers or Texans than go to church so that “Godly” man has his opening. I’m not knocking real faith and real belief but I know a lot of creeping taking place in the name of Jesus.
These aren’t scientific thoughts, this is just a man that loves debate, conversation and sharing real words and real topics with real people. I was put on this earth to write and put smiles on people’s faces.
Demez F. White