“Is the first time you’ve told her how you really feel?”
We couldn’t keep doing this to each other but we were still married. He was the only person in this world that felt what I felt. Losing a child isn’t life altering, it’s soul altering.
“This is the first time I’ve talked about this with anyone. When she was on life support and… And he was gone I didn’t want to live. And I knew…”
Why didn’t he ever tell me any of this? The cracks from the inside were coming out. The tears were streaming too fast for me to wipe them away.
“Why do you stay? I know you’re making an effort. I want to have other children and build a new life but I just can’t shake the resentment. You don’t deserve my anger.”
He wanted to know why I was fighting for us? This handsome man with the soft lips and beautiful mind really didn’t know how much I loved him.
“We said our vows in front of God and men Jonathon. That day when you put that ring on my finger it was for the good times and the bad. We were so happy together and now… Now we’re miserable. But I’d rather cry myself to sleep every night worried if I’ll ever get my husband back than be happy with anyone else! You don’t write anymore, you don’t laugh or flirt. The day our son died I lost my husband too. And that’s the guilt I live with.”
This wasn’t healthy. But what the hell was healthy about love?
“Are you willing to accept the fact that it’s not her fault this accident happened? Because the more you two keep all this anger under the surface the more it’s just going to boil over and explode.”
“I love my wife. She still cooks everyday even though I don’t eat. She thinks I’m sleep when she takes the bottle or glass out my hand and kisses me goodnight. I want to move-on. I just don’t know how?”
He looked at me and smiled. For the first time since before it happened he smiled.
“Will you go out with me tonight?”
Now I was smiling like I’d just been asked to the prom. Like we hadn’t just said the most hateful things to each other.
“This is a start. When you come back next week we’ll discuss your date.”
Tune in tonight for details of the date only on http://www.demez.com