Wednesday Thoughts

I’m sitting in my driveway having just came home from work and all I can notice is how beautiful it is outside. The grass and trees are green, like a really healthy, forestry sort of green. The sky is blue with fluffy clouds. It’s almost like a movie.

I live a life that most guys would probably want. No children, my own place, a job and a hobby/passion I love. I really should be thankful everyday.

And a part of me is but there’s another part of me that’s incredibly unhappy and I have no idea how to fix it. Something’s missing and the void, the hole is getting too big to hide. What I’m saying is it’s becoming harder and harder to fake it.

At dinner last night this guy I’d never seen in my life was sitting at the bar and asked “Did someone die? You look angry and sad.” The fact that I didn’t know him bothered me but what bothered me more was the fact that it was showing.

I often times wonder what it is about me that’s so cold, that pushes people away. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish, want, desire a happier ending.

I read a lot of books, watch a lot of documentaries and there’s one thing that all great writers have in common. They’re all tortured souls.

Is that my fate? To drink every night and write every morning. To never get close enough to anyone to heal whatever demons I have.

People will read this and draw conclusions like I’m just complaining or not trying hard enough to be happy. And I get that logic but if it was that easy I’d just do it.

If you have happiness in your life don’t take it for granted because you don’t know when it’ll come around again.

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