The Face and Perceptions Behind Beauty…

Tonight’s writing will be a little different than the other post this week. I’m a guy that loves beautiful women, I don’t pretend like I’m the cool guy in the room that ignores the fact you’re gorgeous. I appreciate the fact you’re stunning. But what I’ve realized these past couple of years is that some of the most beautiful women are the loneliest.

We live in a society that values pretty things. And is also threatened by those things. Men love attractive women for their lips, hips, eyes, hair, the way they fit in a skirt. Things that have nothing to do with her personality, who she is and that wears on a person, always wondering if a man wants you or the image of you? And women are worse because half of them fear you’ll take their man. A man you’d never look at twice but that it isn’t what hurts. What hurts is the fact that a person you call your friend thought so little of you. So over the course of the day I talked to several women that are generally considered attractive and I wanted to see how it felt behind the beauty. This first back and forth is from one woman that didn’t want to be named but she was the most open out of all the women I talked to. I didn’t change any of her words because I think she’s speaking from the heart.

I have a concept for a blog post and I’d like to use you. I can’t tell what your ethnic background is and I’d like to write about what life is like being someone of your caliber.

Hi Demez, not sure what you’re needing from me. I would like to what you mean by my “caliber” and where would this be posted?

I have a new book coming out so I’ve been writing a lot more on my blog. Maybe caliber was the wrong word. You’re attractive and obviously multi cultural. I’d like to write about any bias you may get from other women. The perception men have of you. I could make it up but it’ll attract more readers if there’s a real face to it. I want to call it, “The Perception of Beauty”

Interesting… Well to begin I am very diverse; I am half Puerto Rican, and have Guyanese, Trini, White, Native American and African… to put it mildly I just say mixed with Black & Puerto Rican. Growing up I’ve always had maybe one close girlfriend because most women especially black women look down on me for being “pretty,” they view me as stuck up, or they just don’t like me. I’ve had girls wanting to fight me because their man was trying to “holla” or because they just felt like it. Basically my teenage years were horrible until I got old enough to realize what is important in life as far as loving and knowing who you are and family. As far as men go I was never too good at choosing them but most men look at the outside first and there’s been plenty who talk a lot to just to get what they want. I don’t let a lot of people in to know who I truly am. I’m really guarded because I know that men see me as something they want for the moment and they do not think I have or will have anything intelligent to say because they’re used to a certain type.

What else would u like to know?

Have you ever let it change you? Like… They want a bitch so I’ll give them a bitch? Or let it make you a hermit, staying at home or only going to work or school or the necessary things? You seem comfortable with it now but at any point did you resent your beauty? Dressing down, hair in a ponytail, that sort of thing? What’s the worst thing that a man ever did or said to you to hurt you after getting close and the same question applies for women?

I can honestly say it did not change me, maybe if I was alone as in if I didn’t have my two sisters it probably would have. The funny thing is I didn’t start dressing up or feeling sexy till after high school so all the attention I got was when I was wearing pony tails or dressing down. To tell you the truth I’ve been getting attention from a very young age and I didn’t understand it or didn’t see myself that way at all. I always wondered what anybody ever saw, yes there would be times where I cried myself to sleep because I didn’t want to deal with the drama but I’m good at hiding my emotions and I act like it doesn’t bother me. It actually got to the point where I felt or feel my own mother was jealous or couldn’t stand me because her boyfriends always made passes at me and I would tell her but she was always so dismissive of me and looked down on me. I’ve had a lot of issues with relationships primarily because my dad left when I was younger and I wanted to feel that male figure so I settled for shitty men with no goals but mostly I was afraid to be alone. The worst thing I would say a man did to me was trying to completely change who I am as far as how I spoke, dressed, walked, who I hang around; yes it was very controlling but I knew that it was his insecurities and I let that go. Now women on the other hand are just nasty creatures in general lol.. one of my ex best friends made a comment that she didn’t trust her husband around me and that she didn’t want me coming over anymore which hurt cause I known her before she knew him and for her not to even trust me hurt even when I never gave her reason too… needlessly to say we no longer speak.

Can I use your name in the story and your picture? It would make it real. If the answer is no that’s fine. You’ve been really honest and I have enough material now. I just think your honesty and experiences can help someone know they aren’t alone. One more question. Are your two sisters younger or older than you and have they went thru the same things you’ve been thru? And if there’s one thing you could tell people about you, what would it be?

Yeah I don’t feel comfortable with my pic or name… but yeah I have a twin sister and a younger sister that’s a year younger, they have been through similar situations but not as extensive as mine. One thing I can tell people about me is that I’ve never let the attention or negativity ruin my perception of men, women, or race and I always try and find the good in everything and keep a pure heart and always forgive. Women and men should always take time for themselves to find out who you are, what you want, what you like. Always recognize the special people you’ve been blessed to know. One quote I love “beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart”. I know so many beautiful women with ugly attitudes and I try and keep myself humble.

I’ll use the words, I won’t use your name or face. Thank you for being so honest. I hope you read it.

No problem, I will

To be honest when I asked her I wasn’t expecting to her to be so open but that’s what this blog is about. We expect physical and material perfection from some of these women but ignore the other things that make them amazing people. I’m guilty of that myself at times.

I asked several women this question: Do you ever get prematurely judged by men or women? Or get tired of having to prove you’re not arrogant or just your looks? I’m asking for my blog, give me something quotable. To be honest a lot of them weren’t receptive but these were women in my phone so it’s not telling what I did to piss them off. However, several were and these are their responses. Unfiltered.

Andie 29 Houston: Prematurely, yes… I’ve found it I go out of my way to be deferential, nice, pleasing to prove I’m not a bitch. Which often makes some women think I’m a show off for… What I don’t know. But it’s made me very aware of how people view me…  With men it’s great because of business… They see me coming and think I’m a pretty face so welcome me with open arms… Then I come in there and regulate and they’re not expecting it. They either love it or get offended… How dare I fool them.

Tiffany 26 Sugarland: I’ve had people say you’re smart for a hairstylist like I’m supposed to be dumb because I have a nice ass and do hair. I’ve been told I look bougie but when they get to know me I’m not. So you know that dress I sent you a pic of, I found one like it and it was cheaper yayyyy.

Tia 24 Huntsville: Yes, they think that I’m white…. Then they think I’m “aggressive” -___ – Do I get tired of having to prove I’m not just this face? I get tired of having to justify myself in heels and makeup to people who don’t make any effort to feel different about themselves or the way they take care of their bodies. Self esteem issues are not my forte anymore.

Candyce 25 Austin: Yes I do get prematurely judged by mostly women, sometimes men. I don’t get tired of proving myself because then it usually makes the other person look silly or wrong for thinking that way of me to begin with.

Deedra 31 Houston: I just feel like if people don’t know your story and you can’t help what you look like that shouldn’t play a part in anything if they don’t know you personally. I received a note that said, I’m glad we met, you are nothing like I thought you were… I don’t want to know what they thought.

DeDe 21 Woodlands: People judge me all the time, you don’t get tired of it. It will never stop you, you get used to it and I love proving to people I’m not just physically pretty, it makes people reconsider their stereotypes.

Arnetria 27 Dallas: (She called me after she got my text so I’m paraphrasing here.) Demez, I could care less what people think about me. I’m the top insurance seller in my company and they’re always making smart remarks about me sleeping with my boss or clients. 10% of what we do is face to face, the rest is all personality so I let them say what they want. While they’re worried about my heels I’m whipping their ass every quarter. Why are you even asking me this and stop flirting so much.

So… After talking to these women and thinking about my own experiences I’ve learned that beauty runs way deeper than the skin. And it’s something I already knew but now it’s just so much more real to me. If you want to share your story about people judging you, share it in the comments. I’m Demez and this is http://www.demezw.com

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