I’m not them.
I won’t make the mistake of not realizing what I have or what you’re worth or what you mean to me. I’m not them. I won’t take for granted the smiles in the morning, the phone calls on the way to work, the silly pictures of you at your desk.
I’m aware that putting you on a pedestal is dangerous. That there’s a chance you could get tired and fall off or I might get tired of having to live up to the expectations I’ve set for the way I treat you but that’s a chance I’m willing to take. My writing is more than words on pieces of paper or a computer screen. My writing is a way of life that I live and breathe. I love hard because I know no other way to love. The expectations I would put on you or the same I ask of myself.
There are a lot of men and women that want a “lazy love,” they want to gaze in each other’s eyes and sit on the couch. They want to be on equal footing and that’s fine, that’s what works for them. But you and I could never be on equal footing because if I’m being honest with you, I can’t imagine a man has ever or will ever love a woman as hard as I love you. Not in a volatile way but in a sense of how much of myself I have invested in us. Because to prosper professionally or socially or romantically and it not be with you, that’s that shit I can’t even phantom.
I’m not them.
I won’t walk away when I fuck up and you need reassurance. I wish I could tell you I’ll never hurt you or I’ll never make you cry but that’s not a promise I can make because there will be bad days but I just need you to know that our good days will be so much more powerful that the bad days won’t even matter. I write this at my desk with the sun coming thru my window and my work phone blowing up because I’m late because I need you to know that if you’re out there, if you’re reading this. You deserve everything that God has created for us.
Until we meet, I love you and don’t get pregnant or any guys names tattooed on you.