How do you look them in their eyes and tell them I want to take you out, I want to charm you, I want to make you fall in love with me but more than anything I want you to spend the night with me. The nights are entirely too cold to spend alone, my bed is too big, it needs company.
How do you tell them I think about you far too often even though the time we’ve spent together doesn’t warrant it. I write about you even though I don’t use your name or picture. I talk about you even though the people I’m talking to will never meet you. How do you tell someone I think I’m falling in love with you?
Do I hold her hand, look her in the eyes and tell her that I don’t feel like waiting until we go on four dates or until ninety days pass? Do I tell her that I want my family to meet her on Thanksgiving and I want her to wake up on Christmas morning at my house? Do I tell her that I’ve been lonely for awhile and I want to start the rest of our lives tonight, with your head on my chest and your skin pressed against my skin under this comforter we picked out together? How exactly do you say, “Please spend tonight with me?”
The thing is, I understand you have to play the game. I understand telling someone no matter if you’ve known them for two years or two days that you feel like your life would be better if they stayed the night with you is creepy. I get that… I do… But what I’m saying is, I don’t really give a fuck about protocol because at this point I think that’s bullshit anyway.
I want to watch you come out the bathroom in your towel, I want to rub lotion on your back and thighs and ass. I want to laugh at you because you packed everything to stay the night but panties and deodorant. I’m laughing because you left the panties on the purpose but you really left the deodorant.
How do you tell her that I would sleep better if you were lying with me, that for as much as I love sex it’s not about that. It’s about your scent, your snoring, the calm that I know you’ll bring to me if you stay the night. How do I ask that?
How do I put into words that I think I’ve been in love with her even before I knew her? How do I say I love you and I need to say the words, I need to hear the words so bad right now. Do I write her a letter? Do I send a FB message? Do I show up at her job or home with two dozen roses and my heart on my sleeve? How do I ask her to spend tonight with me and tomorrow night and a hundred nights after?
Tell me how to ask…
I can command any room I walk into. I can talk to anyone in three different languages. I can smile and flirt like most men wish they could but I really don’t know how to ask her to spend the night with me because I need her. Because for all my bravado and ego I come home to an empty home and no matter how many dates I go on or how many numbers I have in my phone at the end of the night I don’t want that life. I want the life I know God has promised me, that God had in mind for me the moment he created me. How do I ask her to kiss me goodnight and give me the chance to be the first face she see’s in the morning until she’s wearing my ring and gives me a child that looks just like her? How do I ask these questions….