I want to feel your hand inside of my hand as we lie on the couch and watch a movie. I want to feel the texture of your skin as our fingers intertwine. I want to feel the warmth of the blood circulating thru those five little pieces of perfection that are so soft and comforting.
I want to know you’re struggling with your desire to kiss me. That you’re just as aroused sitting next to me, feeling my body heat, that I am sitting next to you. I want to know the feelings mutual.
I want to know that panties are always optional when you walk thru my door. That your freaky side, your kinky side, your sexual side comes alive at the thought of seeing me. Pushing you against the wall, running my hands up your thighs, sucking your neck without leaving a mark is a talent.
And never getting tired of hearing your voice, of reading your words, of seeing your pictures.
It’s impossible for anyone to know how much I miss this, how much I crave this. I pray about it, I pray that God sends me someone. I feel guilty afterwards, I feel guilty because I know that there’s so many more important issues in the world. But I feel like the longer I go feeling so alone the more I’m self destructing.
I want to go shopping with you and watch you try on clothes. I want to eat fatty foods and run them off with you in the morning. Fuck them off with you at night. I want to go see Christmas lights and ice skate and do all that corny stuff couples do.
Do you know why I have this big ass Christmas tree up when I don’t have any children or a woman? I have it up because I want to not feel like my house is so empty. I want to look at that tree and feel like it’ll bring me some good luck.
I want you to tell me you love me. To cry at the thought of me not being here. To look me in my eyes and tell me life wasn’t the same before me and you can’t be the same after me. I want you to want me as much as I’m going to want you.
I want you to look me in my eyes and tell me to stop drinking because you’re the only high I need. I want you to save me from myself.
I want to be happy, I think I’ve forgotten how happy feels like.