Seeing Tomorrow Today…

imagesCAC5JOYD14 December 2018

 When you love someone, really love them, when your world revolves around their sun you can never talk about them enough. Everything they do is cute to you, every move they make is sexy, every frown makes you laugh. They can do no wrong because that love negates any negative thoughts. Five years ago I was sitting at my computer, a drink on my desk, my phone in my lap. Writing and thinking how it didn’t really feel like Christmas. Today I’m flirting and smiling on a cool winters night with the woman that has not only changed my life but given me life. Renewing vows just so I can tell the world how special she really is one more time. A hundred people holding a candle, all the trees lit up with lights, a three piece string set playing Adele in the background. I put my hand on her stomach and kneeled down, “I love your mom more than anything, be good tonight little one, I love you too.” 2012 seemed like yesterday…

“You do know people don’t normally celebrate five year anniversaries with vowel renewals right?”

“What I know is that if they were married to you they would.”

She was standing in the pavilion, looking outside at the dozens of trees lit up with Christmas lights. At the hundreds of people standing on their feet with candles in their hands. She was right, people didn’t normally have these sorts of celebrations so soon but I wasn’t them. I’d waited too long to pretend like every second wasn’t the best second of my life when she smiled at me.

“You don’t know that author. Look at me; you just want me barefoot and pregnant.” I couldn’t help but laugh at her choice in words. She wasn’t really showing at three months and her feet were far from bare. I didn’t know what they cost but if I checked our credit card statement I was sure I’d gasp.

“You’re like 3 months and this is only the second baby.”

“Only the second baby? Boy please! That spoiled son of yours is bad enough, I hate to see what this little girl is going to have you doing. And there are no more babies after this, two is enough. One for me and one for you.”

She had to laugh herself at her bravado. I didn’t know who was more excited about finding out she was pregnant, me or her. “Don’t put this on Facebook or I’ll kill you! I want to put it on my page first this time!” I couldn’t help but laugh because she was dead serious. I loved that about her.

“If she looks like you, no matter how she looks, I just can’t imagine saying no to her.”

“So I’ll end up being the bad parent. Hell no! I do that with Julian. With her I’m going to be the fun mom and you can be the one making her go to bed.”

“You really want to have this conversation when we’re about to confess our love for the second time in five years to about a hundred friends and family?”

How was I supposed to be the bad parent with a little girl that looked exactly like her? That wasn’t even going to be possible. I rarely told her no and when I did I felt like shit so to do it with someone that was innocent and a mixture of us both wasn’t really possible or logical but I wasn’t going to tell her that.

“They’re just here for the free food and drinks, they can wait. Now… Are you going to be the bad parent or do you want to go the next seven months looking but not touching?”

I grabbed her around the waist and pinned her against me.

“You wouldn’t do that… you’re a freak.”

She kissed me and bit my ear.

“Shut up! But you love this freak.”

“That I do, let’s do this.”

Five years ago she walked down the aisle and I waited on her at the altar. Tonight we would walk down the aisle together, hand in hand, husband and wife. Our son walking in front of us, our daughter walking with us.

Five years ago I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. Tonight I knew it was all worth it.

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