Desires and Nightmares…

There have been a lot of sleepless nights in 2012 and I’ve accepted that’s my life.

I’m self destructive in a sense. I tend to push people away and then try to wheel them back in. I really don’t know why. I just can’t get close to people, I’m bad at it.

I charmed her and was falling in love with her and then I just pushed her away. And now I’m up nights wondering how I can fix it. How I can balance the passion and time I put into my writing into making things work.

There are nights where I just stand in the door and look at my bed. Two or three days in a row where I don’t even sleep in it. The only time I’ve ever slept comfortable is when there was someone in the bed with me.

My fear is that I’ll end up like my father. Everytime I take a drink actually it crosses my mind. Everytime I break a woman’s heart.

I need to kiss someone on New Years. I need to press her body against mines and feel her heart beat as the clock strokes midnight.

I just want to sleep…

2 thoughts on “Desires and Nightmares…

  1. Very good read. I’ve been a similar situation a few years back. Just call the person you’re missing. I’m sure she will understand. Don’t give up. Anywho, I hope you have a great 2013 and I hope to read more of your entries.

    Cheers!
    Sarah

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