She was giggling, goosbumps on her soft skin, the blindfold was on her face but I had a sneaky suspicion she could see since I didn’t tie it too tight. I ran the feather down the small of her back, then on the back of her thighs. She took the blindfold off and repositioned herself in the bed. The doctor’s orders were pretty strict, try not to lie on your stomach, it’s probably not going to be comfortable to lie on your back so stay on your side.
We were healthy, happy, successful so when the doctor told her she’d have to go on bed rest at six months or risk losing the baby it was something neither one of us was prepared for. She cried for three days straight, I didn’t shed a tear. How could I? I was a man, her husband, my job was to be strong for my wife, for my family.
“I’m losing my mind in this bed baby, there’s no reason both of us have to be prisoners go to work! Go write, I can all my sister or mom to come over.” She was saying she wanted me to leave but I could see it in her eyes, she was scared, hell, I was terrified.
I slapped her in the face with the feather, she hit me in the head with a pillow. “Why are you teasing me with that feather man, I need something harder than a feather!” She reached for my draw string on my sweats, I jumped out the bed. “Ummm look at him, I think he wants it just as bad as I do, you aren’t going to hurt our baby by having sex with me silly.” I got on my knees with my elbows on the bed, rubbing her stomach and looking at those pretty eyes. “No cooking, light chores, showers, walking, driving and no sexual intercourse. You can’t be on your feet at all and that includes riding me freak.” She started to cry but she was smiling.
“I’ve never been more afraid in my life, I’m bored, I’m horny, I’ve been sitting here every day thinking about what I did to put our child in this position. We’re good people, why did God do this to us.” I got back in the bed and let her lay her head on my chest. “He hasn’t done anything to us yet babe, three more months and he’ll be here and all this will seem like such a funny story.” She hugged me tighter and cried harder.
“How can you be so cool about this?! So calm! You make me feel like I’m crazy for being so damn scared!” She was talking with her face in my chest. She was my wife, she deserved to know.
“I’m terrified, I spend my time cooking for you, bathing you, watching you sleep, rubbing lotion on your feet and back so you won’t get bed sores! I feel like I’m watching you fight for our child’s life every day you lie in this bed. 30% was the number, I’ll never forget that number for as long as I live! There’s a 30% chance our son will make it into this world! There’s a part of me that feels like God is punishing me for loving you so much. For wanting this child so much, that he’s showing me I shouldn’t have put anything before him. You think I’m ice cold, I’m calm and cool but on the inside I’m afraid to even close my eyes because I don’t wake up and you’re lying in a pool of a blood or going into shock. You’re my life… Before you there was writing and insanity, you gave me purpose. I can’t break right now, cry for the both us, I’ll cry tears of joy when we’re celebrating his 1st birthday.
“There’s never been a woman that has loved a man more than I love you. Fuck what that doctor said! We’re a family and we’re going to make it as a family.” I kissed her on the cheek and rubbed my hand between her legs.
“The doctor said we couldn’t have sex but there’s other things we can do.” Crawling to the edge of the bed and looking up at her before I tasted her I mouthed, “I love you more.”