I write often, I love writing, but it isn’t how I pay my bills. I build and fix highways for a living, I see a hole or crack and I tear out the old concrete or asphalt, clean it out and pour some new material in there. In a matter of days it goes from potentially dangerous to brand new. People literally don’t even slow down, they just enjoy the new ride. But what they don’t realize is that even though the road feels smoother and rides better is that once it’s compromised it will never be the same. Because you’ve messed with the original makeup.
Women are mostly good by nature, I’m no genealogist but people aren’t born bad. You see these women that prostitute or strip or are bad mothers, 9 times out of 10 they had childhoods where they were neglected or abused. Teenage years were they got used or picked up, college years where she got date raped or played by a guy she thought loved her. Even if a woman can come back from 1 or all those things the bottom line is that good girl is gone now. Because she’s been exposed to the real world. The world that’s vicious and will eat you alive if you turn your back to it.
We see these women on FB or Instagram showing the world their bodies. We see women fighting over men that have little to nothing financially and even less morally. We laugh at them, feel sorry for them, judge them but what very few of us do is realize that she wasn’t always that way. Whether it was a father leaving, an uncle doing something he shouldn’t have been doing, a mother neglecting or a man turning her heart inside out something changed that good girl. And once innocence is lost, once anger overtakes fear. That good girl is lost forever.
Sure, maybe she’ll get to a place where she can find happy. But she’ll never love or trust the same way she did, she’ll never give a man so much of herself that she loses herself.
Think back to your first love… Not your high school or college crush but the first time you fell so deep for someone that it scared you. I’m talking you gave all of yourself with no hesitation because you just knew he or she would never let any harm come to you. That feeling of joy and happiness when you love like that is immeasurable because that’s the way God intended for a man to love a woman. That’s the first time we not just have sex but make love, your soul and body are one and life seems perfect. Now remember how it felt when that came crashing down. When he let you down or when you let him down and that hurt and pain changes you as a person. You aren’t so willing to love that hard again, you aren’t so willing to give so much of yourself that being without him or her literally paralyzes you. That good girl, the one that could only see the best in you is now cynical and not willing to let someone get close enough to hurt her like that again.
Once that foundation has a crack in it… It will never be the same no matter how many times you repair it. I’d like to think I fix a heart or help fix a heart every once and awhile with my writing.
Good Morning, I’m Demez F. White and this is demezw.com.