When we build a home, we don’t start with the color scheme or the tile, we start with the foundation.
No speaking in third person tonight, tonight I’m writing about myself. I’m afraid I won’t be all that I want to be, that fear keeps me up so many nights, it lives inside of me. I’ll be in a bookstore and read the first couple of chapters of a book that simply sucks but that person is a New York Times Bestseller. I’ll look at a blog that has a 100k followers and the person writes as if they don’t know what a comma is. In those moments I really do question my abilities.
Do you know what it’s like to love something so much that it consumes you? To wake up and write and be upset with yourself because you’re at your actual job that pays your bills feeling like you’re neglecting your passion?
I know those feelings and those feelings aren’t something I can shake.
I’m not a man that talks about it but doesn’t be about it. I’ve made progress, I’ve put in work. So I just have these moments where I worry if I’m destined to be what I so desire to be. And even though my faith gets low at times I never lose it, I never give up, and that’s hard.
Success isn’t easy, it isn’t fun, it isn’t smooth. It’s littered with heartbreak and broken promises, With friends that turn to enemies and lovers that resent you for loving words and books way more than you can ever love them. Success is life and death in the same breath because no accomplishment feels as good as the disappointments feel bad. But when you want it, you don’t give up because if you give up you never loved it as much as said you did.
I often write to encourage other people, hoping my words will touch someone that’s had a bad day or bad month or bad life. I’ll post a blog to let women know that God didn’t create you to be number two in a man’s life, that he didn’t take you from our rib to settle. I’ll write to let men know that we’re leaders whether we want to be or not, that we’re Kings from birth no matter or circumstances. But tonight I’m writing for myself because just like anyone I can lose faith but when I do I stop and take in the life around me. I think about all that I’ve been blessed with and all I have and my faith is renewed in those moments. We all have moments where that doubt creeps in and you just don’t know anymore but those are the moments that make us strong, that make us Kings and Queens, lovers and leaders, scholars and scribes. I won’t let that doubt and fear break me, don’t let it break you either.