I’ve never gotten to know my father. I have 13 or 14 brothers and sisters out there I’ll never really know even if I started to track them down today. I imagine each and every one of them came from lust, including myself. They came from moments of pleasure that have left them feeling alone, abandoned, sad at times. I never want to be that man that does that to a child.
Having sex with the wrong person can change your life and not for the better.
Is it hard?
Literally and figuratively but for my sanity and for me to grow up as a man it’s what I need to do. There are mornings like today that I can’t even sleep because the company of a woman is all I can think about. Those moments pass though and I know the temporary pleasure isn’t worth the feeling of guilt and shame the moments after will bring.
I’ve been writing a lot lately about moral responsibility, about accepting that our bodies and emotions and passions just aren’t meant for everyone. This isn’t easy for me, I’m a man that loves women a lot, but what I also know is that loving them is no good if there’s no meaning behind it.
You can’t duplicate great chemistry. You can’t replace the feeling of a naked body moist and sweaty under you. That feeling is one that makes us do dumb things, it makes us meet places we shouldn’t meet, crave people we shouldn’t crave. It’s not real though, it’s our bodies speaking a language our hearts will never understand or agree with. Sex is meant to be guiltless so when you feel that guilt just know it can’t be real.
I tried to think about all the women I’ve slept with over the years and the truth is I took a piece of them they can never get back. They gave themselves to me and I to them and we deserved more than that. Sex has to be about more than wet spots and wet lips.