I couldn’t take the not knowing. The waiting by the phone, the checking to see if my text messages were read. There were even a couple of emails sandwiched in there. The days at work were longer, the nights darker. My world was at a stand still waiting on her answer.
Four days, twelve hours and fifteen minutes was how long ago I’d stood in front of our friends and family and asked her to be my wife. What should have been the happiest day of my life turned into a nightmare. Candles all around, strings playing, balloons filling the air. Down on one knee, the most expensive suit I’d ever worn in my life I asked the question… “Will you marry me?” The crowd all ready to explode, me thinking it was just a formality but what came next was not the “YES” that we all expected, “I need time to think about it.” In that moment life stood still.
The crowd stopped being excited and stared like they were watching a horrible train wreck. I saw no one else, the intensity of the moment hit me as she was looking down at me. Questions that I didn’t want to ask out loud came out of my mouth anyway.
“Is there someone else?”
“Time to think?”
“Am I not good enough?”
Panic turned to anger and anger turned to hurt.
I’ll give her credit, her tears fell but she didn’t run or get offended by my questions. She took my hand and turned to the crowd. “Enjoy the food, the drinks, the music, this is a personal matter and we ask that you give us some space. Thank you.”
Friends looking at me with pity, my family looking at her with hate. “I just need some time,” was the last words she said to me before she got in the passenger seat of her sisters truck and left me standing outside the engagement party of a lifetime that was now just a waste of money and a blow to my pride.
Standing in the backyard, throwing a ball to my dog that she helped pick out I heard him barking before I saw her. Standing at the backdoor with an envelope in her hand she smiled at me. I took comfort in her red eyes, baseball cap and sweats. I wasn’t the only one feeling this way.
“I miss you were the words she mouthed, I’m sorry were the words that came next.” Walking towards her all I could see was the envelope in her hand and what that meant.