When I was a child I use to spend a lot of time alone, mostly reading. That’s probably why I’m up at 2:30 in the morning writing now. My best friend was my imagination, the voices I heard in my head weren’t because I was crazy but because I needed someone to talk to so I talked to myself. I’ve never been good at getting close to people and I fought the rationale behind it for a long time but now I get it.
Spending time alone doesn’t make you stronger it makes you weaker. What happens is you get so attached to whoever shows you that they care because you’ve never really had it. I’m terrified of really falling in love, of really giving everything I have because what happens when everything isn’t good enough?
That sounds like a song title I know… “When My All Isn’t Good Enough,” but it’s the truth.
No matter how hard it is you just have to accept that sometimes you’ll never be what someone else really wants and the pain of knowing that will haunt you for the rest of your life. I know it’ll haunt me for the rest of mines.
The people that have the ability to hurt you the most aren’t the ones you despise but the you love the most. No matter how far you remove yourself love and hate live together in the same city, on the same block, in the same house in the same room. The eyes that you can’t get enough of are the same eyes that haunt you. The lips that you can’t stop kissing or the same lips that curse and mock you. Tears of love and joy become tears of pain and despair. Hate usually derives from love.
Happy Easter Everyone.