“I don’t want to be here anymore.”
“What are you talking about?”
Standing at the doorway of the kitchen, the food smelling delicious, her favorite wine chilling in the bucket I got her for her birthday I knew I couldn’t put it off any longer. She’d cheated on me and instead of walking away I cheated on her. We fought, screamed, cursed, stopped talking but some kind of way we found our way back to each other. For months I’ve been pretending that I didn’t see his face every time I kissed her, that I didn’t think about whether or not she put her lips around his dick. Nights I didn’t answer or return a text fast enough I could hear the worry, the anger in her voicemails. Our trust was dead and I wasn’t happy.
“We’re strangers, there wasn’t a night we didn’t spend in each other’s bed and now either I’m going home or you’re going home every night. The other night you asked me to put on a condom. We go days without talking… that’s not us. We broke something good and I don’t think we can fix it.”
She looked at the dining room table that was perfectly made up blew out the candles, then she swept everything to the floor. The crash made me jump but I didn’t take my eyes from hers.
“It’s just going to take time, that’s all, I’m not worth the time to make this work!? What happened to you’re going to have my children, we’re going to get married?! What happened to you’ll never fucking leave me!”
I knew this would get ugly, it didn’t matter if I did it in a public place or here. Everything she said was true but how much sense did it make to go into a marriage unhappy and without any trust? None of our friends knew about our troubles, there were no FB post or venting sessions. That’s not who we are so to them we were the perfect couple and for her perception was everything.
“It’s not about worth, it’s about being happy and right now I don’t think either one of us are happy Tye.”
“Twenty one credits was what you needed to graduate when you met me, I helped you go back to school and get that degree. A credit score of 580, you couldn’t even get a gas card, I helped you get that help. Before me all you talked about was what you wanted to be and made you someone people want to be! Now you say you’re leaving me because we both made mistakes?!”
She picked up the knife and I took a step back but I was cornered, unless I hurt her there was no way to get around her. “I fucked him, you fucked her, we’re even! I’ll kill you before I let you leave me like you didn’t beg me to give you a chance!”
I heard her but I didn’t believe her, it was anger talking, hurt. “I’m sorry Tye, I’m sorry.” She held the knife at her side, I kissed her on the forehead and stepped around her. “I’m sorry too,” was what I heard before I felt the sharp pain and fell to the ground, my legs numb, my heart racing. She stood over me and cried before she brought the knife down into my chest.