What’s real? Words aren’t always real, emotions live and die in the moment and a touch isn’t always just a touch. So what’s real? Is the pleasure real? Is her body under my body real? Is my tongue inside of her real? Are her moans for me or are they for the hurt he’s caused her? Are they moans of pleasure or moans of revenge? Is she real or am I the fool?
“Why is it that you don’t care?” She pushed me in the chest and stood at the foot of the bed, her skin glowing and her eyes dark. “Who says I don’t care?! I just don’t want to argue about some shit that isn’t going to change!” I just wanted her to leave, how many lies can one man stomach, how much disappointment can live inside of such a beautiful face? It wasn’t a stretch to say I hated her, it wasn’t a stretch to say that if I thought I could kill her and get away with it I would.
“How do you live with yourself? You fuck me today and go home and play the dutiful wife and fuck him tonight?! You look me in my face and tell me you think about me when he’s inside of you and you don’t expect me to hate you! You killed my baby but kept his because he has more money in his bank account. God is punishing us, you know that right! He’s punishing you for being a selfish bitch and he’s punishing me for loving you. Until we stop this, until we do right by the people in our lives, neither of us will be happy.”
She crawled onto the bed, I pushed her away. She slapped me! I pushed her away! She bit my chest, I grabbed the back of her neck and held her down on the bed. She scratched the side of my neck, it would have been so easy to snap her neck but I let her go and fell back on the bed. “If you hate me so much, why don’t you use condoms?! Why do you open the door when I come?! You act like you’re so much better than this but you can’t stop no more than I can!”
Holding the back of her neck, her stomach flat on the bed, her scratch marks stinging my chest I spread her legs with knees and went inside of her. The fighting, the screaming, the slammed doors, this is what she wanted from the beginning. What she needed. The harder she moaned the harder I thrust and the harder she came. Were her moans for me and the pleasure I was bringing her or were they for the pain he caused her and the revenge she was getting?