Friends With…. Out Benefits

182240_562470723185_118401058_31406809_1126638_nEveryday 1 out of 3 men are friendzoned. “I really like you but I don’t want to lose you as a friend,” or “This just isn’t a good time for me but we can still be friends.” In that span of seconds a guy goes from wondering if she’s wearing boyshorts or thongs to wondering where he went wrong to get friendzoned. On the same token, everyday 1 out of 4 women get datezoned, it’s when a man they really like tells them they aren’t looking for anything serious. “You’re a great woman and I want you in my life buuuuut I’m afraid to hurt you, I’m just not ready. Can we still be friends?” This is different than friendzoning because in this case the man still wants her to have sex with him, cook for him, listen to him. He just wants to do this stuff with other women also.

This is the problem when a woman friendzones a man or a man datezones a woman. A lot of times they still want the benefits that come with their previous title. If a man is dating you he’s picking you from your home no matter how far you live. He’s taking you to nice places, events, concerts, restaurants, places that men take women when they want to impress them. You’re a priority because he thinks this can go somewhere. Once you friendzone him you have to understand that things change so maybe he becomes your friend but all those benefits of dating STOP! The same goes for men. You can’t tell her “we’re moving too fast, I don’t want a relationship,” and then still expect the benefits you get when a woman knows you’re either her man or close to it. That’s selfish.

There is a big difference between being someone’s friend and someone’s lover. There’s a difference between being cool with a person and thinking that you have a romantic future with a person. Most friendships don’t come with home cooked meals and backless aprons while she’s naked. Most friendships don’t come with surprise gifts on a Saturday night just because you were thinking about her. When you make the decision to make a person your friend you’re making the decision to be on a level playing field.

I’m not going to treat you like I treat the woman that may one day have my children. I’m not going to cancel a date with someone I really like to hang out with a friend. Why? Because friends understand. If I tell my home boy that we can’t go watch the game tonight because I have a date with this fine ass woman I met last week. He’s going to say cool and ask for details the next day. That’s what friends do. Friends don’t get mad because they aren’t getting the romantic date themselves.

There are consequences to wanting to be treated like one of the guys. Remember that and live that.

Demez F. White

@authordwhite on twitter
http://www.facebook.com/authordemezwhite

2 thoughts on “Friends With…. Out Benefits

  1. Reblogged this on demezw and commented:

    This is the problem when a woman friendzones a man or a man datezones a woman. A lot of times they still want the benefits that come with their previous title. If a man is dating you he’s picking you from your home no matter how far you live. He’s taking you to nice places, events, concerts, restaurants, places that men take women when they want to impress them. You’re a priority because he thinks this can go somewhere. Once you friendzone him you have to understand that things change so maybe he becomes your friend but all those benefits of dating STOP! The same goes for men. You can’t tell her “we’re moving too fast, I don’t want a relationship,” and then still expect the benefits you get when a woman knows you’re either her man or close to it. That’s selfish.

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