The Divorced Woman and the Single Man: Rainy Day Conversation

Written By: Sapphire and Demez

Her Words

I’ve allowed life to make me a non-factor, a common denominator dividing my time by my hurt, fears, and shame multiply that by each parasitic relationship that I allow to attach to my existence and I’ve become the shell of a being that you see before your eyes trying to camouflage and maintain . Playing Russian Roulette with my future pulling the trigger hoping the sight of my own tears will make my life clearer but before I disappear into myself, a sin in itself, wash me in your flood. Make me whole again.

His Words

Hand me the gun so I can play Russian Roulette in your place. One bullet, two bullets, three bullets. BANG! My fears explode all over my ambitions. BANG! My hurt and shame bury me in an avalanche of guilt that I’m not able to make you see just how much you do matter. They say God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers so that makes you a motherfucking general with the wars you’ve fought! Those are not tears of pain you feel but tears of healing. That shell you wear isn’t camouflage it’s just the caterpillar making way for the butterfly. Step into the water, drown in your greatness, sink in your emotion and rise whole again and better than ever.

Her Words

Allowed the wetness to cleanse me in its grace, wash me in its flood and renew my spirit; remind me of who I used to be. Living inside the confines of these walls is like self-incarceration masquerading as my life and hopes to delude me, dull my senses and institutionalize me so that I’m no longer living. I’m merely existing; coping, heart beat fading each day, each moment, each second…just breathe; but always running from me. Repenting for my sins for the abundant life that I claim, that you gave, that I’ve refused to run after for fear of these walls shutting in, this floor giving way, and my circumstances being to circumstantial but I’ve heard “NO” before so what the fuck is different now? Me?!…

His Words

Darkness consuming me, the only sound I hear is the dirt hitting the casket. I scream until my dry throat burns, I beat the wooden box until my hands are bloody. I promise God that I’ll never lie, that I’ll bring him a million souls if he gets me out. I promise Satan the same, that he can have my soul as long as I’m not buried alive. A million regrets and what ifs go through my mind as the sounds of the dirt get further and further away. I can feel my heartbeat slowing as the oxygen leaves, I can feel my head spinning as I take my last couple of breaths. I close my eyes only to feel your touch, your soft hand on my face, your tears giving me life in a place where death just lived. Your sins make you human, your walls, your cage, they make you relatable. You are different now, “NO” is “NO” longer a word in your vocabulary. I won’t remind you of who you used to be because who you are now is the woman that saved me.

Her Words

Let each drop not be taken for granted but allow it to restore the seed that you planted in this vessel. Wash me white as snow, not for my sake only but so that I may be that, that you instilled inside of me; so that I may believe again so that my life and existence won’t be in vain. So that I don’t live my life with my past regrets wishing upon all that I haven’t done and decisions I should have made but that my future may be the outcome of a present God. For this I ask that you wash me in your rain.

His Words

Romans 5:5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Let that love wash over you, let your heart nurture and grow that seed until the world sees what I see, until you see what I see. Things you haven’t done can be done, decisions you should have made weren’t made because he was protecting you from you. Close your eyes and allow him to pour the blessings you deserve over you, allow him to wash you in salvation. Open your eyes and be whole. Open your eyes and smile because you are his Angel and perfect in my eyes. Your existence can never be in vain because your being motivates everything in me. My existence is tied to yours. We will grow these seeds together for the sun will rise tomorrow.

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