I don’t feel great right now. I’m sure it’s the flu but I haven’t had that in so long I can’t be 100% positive. Sitting on top of I-10 watching my crew work all I want is for them to finish so I can go home and get in bed.

My grandfather has to have another surgery tomorrow because the leg they cut off isn’t healing. The last time I saw him it took everything in me not to cry when he told me to go get his wheelchair so he could go home. I feel like they’re just gutting him piece by piece and the shit is eating me up inside!

Yesterday when I got off I saw my grandmother next door cleaning her flower beds. I got some trash bags and went over to start picking up the stuff she trimmed. I got Ethan out the house and told him that men help in the yard. He took it so serious. His dad isn’t around and I feel like its my responsibility to teach him. I gave him two dollars and told him he did a great job, he lit up. That made my day.

My aunt is always talking about taking them and moving far away. That scares the hell out of me; those kids saved me. Added years to my grandparents lives.

Pillow talk. I miss that so much, I should be having that instead of writing. I’m 30 and there are days where I feel like Superman and days where I feel like an utter fucking failure. I keep waiting for that person to tell me I’m not and I believe them.

I can see myself becoming mean, becoming recluse and I know if I don’t fix it quick something bad will happen.

Just pray for me.