Losing Provides Necessary Lessons

20131119-220624.jpgTransparency is a word I don’t often use but it’s a word that describes my writing perfectly. I try my best to be as honest with my words as I can while still trying to keep some things sacred. I learned a valuable lesson this weekend, one that will haunt me and keep me up at nights but it will also make me a better man.

Intentions matter just as much as our actions do. It’s easy to use “I’m single” as an excuse to be selfish but our actions and intentions have to match. If I tell a woman I’m single and I should be allowed to date or do what I want those are intentions. If my actions are courting her and talking to her and making her care about me then those are my actions. No matter what I’ve said I’ve done enough that she’s invested now. So it’s up to me to either go all in or fall back, there can’t be a middle ground.

I’m always writing about respect and accountability. Men need to step up and be men. I don’t want my words to be hollow and in a way they have been. Being honest is easy, people respect honest but just because you’re honest doesn’t mean you’re right. Part of being a man, part of growing up is realizing that options are overrated. There will always be available women, there will always be opportunities to meet a woman that has something the woman you’re with or dating doesn’t. We have to decide is losing someone that matters worth options? On Friday I would have wrote some bullshit answer. On today that answer is no. It’s not worth it.

Lessons aren’t meant to be kind to us. If they were most of us wouldn’t get the full impact. Lessons need to hurt, they need to make us cry and curse and fear. When we’re children our parents popped us on the hand for touching the oven or outlet because they knew it was better to get popped on the hand then to get burned or electrocuted. We’d remember that sting and stay away. Dating, relationships, they work the same way. You screw up, you lose someone special, you get burned. That lesson will stick with you so much longer and teach you so much more because it hurts.

My writing sets a standard so in turn I have to live up to that standard. In 2013 I got better at it but I still fell short, as I write this there will be times where I let people down that care about me. There will be times I hurt people I had no intentions on hurting but what do intentions matter if my actions are what matters.

Demez

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