Stop Letting Hurt People Give You Advice

I’ve never been one of those men that thought, “I’m not married so I can’t give a married person advice.” What I have said however is that I won’t give a married person advice on how to make a marriage work. Let me explain the difference. If I know a man has an amazing wife but is seeing a 24 year old woman with no real career aspirations, several children and a bad attitude. I can tell him to leave her alone and do better, that may not be marriage advice but it’s advice that will affect a marriage.

When people have been heartbroken, lied to, disrespected, they aren’t in the right frame of mind to give advice. You aren’t happy with your relationship, your job; don’t ask someone that just got divorced whether or not you should leave. Don’t ask someone that got laid off or works somewhere they hate. What do you think their answer is going to be?

People by nature love to speak about situations in black and white terms. You go to your friend crying that you were cheated on, initial reactions are always, “Leave him, you deserve better.” When the truth is life is far from black and white. If this man treats you like a Goddess and has never hurt you a day in your life but had this one indiscretion, you’d be crazy to make a decision based off anger and advice from a hurt friend. You hate your job but get paid great money and have young children and debt that’s mounting. Don’t let someone tell you to follow your dream. Dreams don’t put food in children’s mouths.

There will always be a segment of society that’s just unhappy. They have children they can’t afford, jobs they don’t feel appreciated at. They hate Easter because what does a bunny have to do with Jesus, they hate Valentine’s because it’s man made. They hate Father’s Day because they either don’t have a father or their kid’s father isn’t around. These people, man or woman, will always give you negative advice. They won’t tell you to work anything out; they won’t compliment you on being level headed. It’s not in their nature.

Each situation is different. We each have different tolerance levels. I’ve seen marriages survive alcohol addictions, drug addictions, cheating and I’ve seen marriages not survive a year because one person refuses to stop flirting on Facebook. You have to look into your own heart and decide for yourself whether or not your career, relationship, friendship is worth saving. Don’t listen to the people that tell you to leave because they’ve been hurt and don’t listen to the people that will tell you to stay because they’re afraid of moving on themselves. Listen to what makes you happy.

Demez F. White
Hurt Rings

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