Sometimes I think I’m damaged, crazy maybe or just a coward. Are those words harsh? Yes they are but they’re the truth. What’s a coward? A coward is a man that awakens a woman’s love with no intentions of returning that love. A coward is a man that would rather have a thousand options than accept that one option that can change his life. I’d hit any man that called me a coward. Without hesitation. So should I slap myself?

I’m a good man. I work every day, I look after my family, I’m always here for there no matter what. I live next door to my grandmother because the thought of her being home alone scares me to death. I’m not sure I’m the most attractive guy but I don’t think I’m Sam Cassell. I have traits and qualities that will make me an amazing husband but I have flaws that I’m not sure I’m ready to put in a woman’s life. A can be moody, insecure, mean. I go into these moments where I don’t want to be bothered. You can’t be like that when you’re in a relationship. I can’t expect her to deal with that.

Or am I wrong? Isn’t part of being with someone making them better? Isn’t part of falling in love and giving your all allowing someone to be there for you when your shortcomings make you feel like you aren’t enough? This idea that we have to be a finished product to find love and happiness is something that I struggle with. I struggle with not having everything together. I struggle with being a man that can’t take care of everything. That’s doesn’t make sense though, we should be building the kingdom together. We should be able to talk about what I need to work on and I should open up and be honest with her in a way I’m not honest with anyone else. I haven’t done that before and it scares me. Does that make me weak? Foolish? Or does it make me a man.

I can be foolish but I have grown and I’ll continue to grow.

Demez F. White