One of the hardest things in the world is seeing ourselves the way others see us, especially if you’ve battled depression or anxiety. It’s no easy thing to find yourself after you’ve been in a place so dark you didn’t even know you could get out of. So don’t feel bad for moments of sadness or despair, they won’t last, not if you believe in yourself.
I’ve talked about this before but when I was child I had a misshaped head, it wasn’t horrible but it was noticeable. Though I’ve talked about that what I’ve never talked about is how it’s affected me as an adult. It’s an ongoing battle not to feel like that kid that was unattractive. There are days now where I don’t feel attractive and as a man that’s not something we’re supposed to talk about. It’s not something that men are supposed to think about but I do. I don’t feel bad or ashamed for facing those demons and getting better and more confident day after day. No one should. When you ignore your insecurities you give them an opportunity to grow under the surface.
I’ve often been an asshole or jerk or placed myself in seclusion because of my insecurities. Let me push others away before I let them tell me I’m not good enough. Let me shut people out because that’s better than not being loved. Being that man made me a better writer because I was spending so much time alone but being that man wasn’t making me a better man. Insecurities tell you that you don’t need friends but who do call at 3am when you just need to talk? Insecurities tell you that being an asshole is okay but being an asshole doesn’t compensate for the holes you have inside.
I’m not sure I’ll ever see myself as handsome and I’m finally starting to accept that that’s my insecurities talking. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I have a big heart. It’s not always the easiest place to get to but with hard work, prayer, production and just living can help you grow each and every day.
~ Demez F. White