I hold men to a higher standard than I hold women because men are supposed to be less emotional, more in control. I’m fully aware that for a lot of men that isn’t the case, they are more feminine in a lot of cases than women are but regardless of that men still have to be men.
In holding men so accountable what I’ve also done is not address a significant elephant in the room. Women making excuses for bad behavior. I’m not a hip hop writer but earlier this week or late last week Rick Ross got engaged and in typical rapper fashion he’s marrying a stripper. What comes with rapper+stripper+social media? Foolishness. His fiances mother said, after a woman accused the rapper of sleeping around, “It doesn’t matter what he does in the streets, men will be men. What matters is that he’s taking care of home.” People killed her on social media for that mindset but in reality they were just killing her for saying it online.
I want everyone that’s reading this to be honest with yourself. You don’t have to comment or tell the world but just be honest with yourself. How many women do you know that are married or that are in a relationship and they overlook questionable or bad behavior by their man. They overlook it because the good qualities out way the bad. They overlook it because he keeps whatever he’s doing a secret and he’s not embarrassing her. Let’s be honest. Our grandmothers, our mothers, they may have never said this was okay but we know they accepted it. We know they turned a blind eye and in turn they created a generation of women that think it’s okay.
I’m here to say it’s not okay. I don’t care if a man is taking care of home. I don’t care that he’s a good father or good husband of good boyfriend. Do you know how much of a hypocritical statement that is? How can a man be a good father when he’s unfaithful to the mother of his children? When those children here her crying or see her sad even though she thinks they don’t see it. How can a man be a good husband if he’s so weak that he is constantly seeking the attention of other women. Today I won’t put this solely on the men that are screwing up. Today I’m holding the women accountable that accept less than. That accept a man being less than a father, less than a husband, less than a friend.
I constantly hear stats about women outnumbering men or men having more options and maybe in a sense that’s true but you want to know what’s not true? It’s not true that men always reach for the low hanging fruit. It’s easy to convince yourself that a little bad, a little ain’t shitness is okay. But in convincing yourself of that what you’re ultimately doing is lowering your standards and being an active participant in your own broken heart.
I am one of those guys that would say, “If a man is going to cheat, that’s between him and his woman. What does that have to do with me?” I was wrong man, it’s my place to tell that guy whether he’s a friend or an associate that he’s wrong. That no woman deserves to be passed around or be forced to share. Too many men have become followers and have become afraid to lead, even if it’s only by example. And too many women have become afraid of being alone. Let me tell you something as a man that has done my fair share of screwed up things. There’s no solace, no peace in having half a man. Whatever pleasure you feel from an orgasm will quickly be replaced by the guilt and depression of feeling like you aren’t enough. Hold yourself accountable.
If your grandmother put up with your dad cheating and your mother put up with your father cheating what do you think is going to happen to your son or daughter if you put up with it? They are going to grow up feeling like it’s okay and it’s not. These kids are already exposed to more by the age of 10 then we were by 18. So why expose them to habits that will lead them down paths of unhappiness? Part of being a man is deciding that the love of one woman is worth a million women. Part of being a woman is deciding that the love of yourself is worth not accepting less than what you deserve.
~ Demez F. White