Some people blog to get discovered.
Some blog because they want to have a voice or they love a certain facet of life and want to talk about it.
I blog because I like letting people know that they aren’t alone with their thoughts. That they aren’t the only ones in the world feeling like they’re feeling at that specific moment and time.
I wish I had some calm, some peace, a sanctuary. No matter how hard I try and find it, it doesn’t come. I’ve never been on a battlefield, I’ve never seen a man die or a plane bomb a building but in my imagination I feel like that’s what’s going on inside of my head and heart at the moment. I feel like a battle is taking place and I don’t know how to get off the battlefield.
I don’t even listen to music when I drive anymore because it’s where I do my best thinking. It’s quiet, the windows down, I can talk to myself without looking crazy. I don’t know when I started doing it, I just know my iPod has been dead for almost two weeks and I haven’t even tried to charge it up.
College and high school teach us a lot. We learn math, history, science and now they even have religion and cooking classes. But there’s no class on life. No class on how to fight the demons and how to overcome fears and struggles. The only class is the battlefield. The only class is learning how to deal with as you’re going through it.
At times I wish I wasn’t a writer, I wish I didn’t internalize and think things over and over and over again. A moment of calm, of peace, of clarity. I lie in bed at night dreaming of those moments, wondering if they will come.
I fear they never will.