Changing My Brothers Fate

20140703-065049.jpg“Where is he?” It had been at least two years since I’d seen him. Maybe longer than that. There were about ten or twelve people in the room and I didn’t recognize any of them but his wife. She stood out from the rest of them, her posture and mannerisms were the first thing that gave her away. Even though she didn’t come from where we came from she still played the part. Asking them if they wanted anything to drink or fixing plates. A part of me knew it was all just to keep herself busy.

Rubbing her shoulder, trying to meet her eyes, I asked her again. “Where is he?”

“Why are you worried now? He blames himself you know. He still talks about you like you’re his bestfriend. I didn’t know bestfriends gave up on each other.” She needed someone to take her frustrations out on. I knew she missed me, they both missed me but I did what I knew was best. At least that’s what I thought, until looking in her eyes.

The woodwork in the kitchen was beautiful, hand crafted. The entire living room was glass on three sides. The last time I was here they’d just started construction and now it was everything she designed.

“Where is he?”

She slammed the glass down on the counter making a few of the men in the room look our way, the look she gave them let them know this wasn’t their fight.

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“One picture. He only keeps one picture in the garage. It’s not of his mother or his brother. It’s not of our children! Who I’m afraid to have around right now because some fool might come shooting! The only picture he has in his beloved garage is of us. You, me and him. It’s not just him you gave up on Alek! You gave up on me, on your godchildren. He’s in the garage. He wanted to be alone but his people aren’t going to leave him. They have their faults but their loyal.”

I know she needed to talk, needed to vent but today wasn’t about her.

They all grilled me as I walked across the living room but they were his dogs and his dogs wouldn’t bite unless they were instructed to. I didn’t recognize the young guys in the living room but the two at the door immediately started smiling and stood up when they saw me.

Aaron and Allen were twins and they’d grown up with us. We all played baseball together. My career ended in high school once I realized my fast ball topped out at 60 mph. Aaron and Allen were suspended for fighting and just said screw school. Niles was the best out of all of us. He could swing a bat like Ken Griffy Jr. and throw a ball like Roger Clemens but once the three of us stopped playing, so did he. I graduated to college and the three of them graduated to the streets.

Aaron and Allen lived Niles because he gave them purpose. They were just being thugs to be thugs but Niles gave them a reason to be thugs. He took pistols out of their hands and told them to use them only when necessary. He showed them how to save money and get what they wanted with respect and not fear. They were his soldiers and even though they were smiling I could see the disappointment in their eyes.

“It’s been a minute Alek, hate for this to be the reason you’re coming to see your man.”

“How is he?”

“You know Niles, he’s ice; but that’s mostly for the soldiers. It was his brother. Outside of us going to the funeral home and the service today, he hasn’t left the garage. The streets are waiting and the goons are getting antsy but we won’t do nothing until the boss tells us which way to rock.”

Stepping past them and taking the stairs down into the garage he saw why he spent so much time down. Calling it a garage was a disservice. There were three cars in there and a couple bikes but there was also a pool table, a bar, a couple couches and full bath. He was still wearing the suit he wore at the funeral, the sleeves were rolled up and his tie was loosened on his neck.

There was music playing in the background but he didn’t know the rapper. He was polishing the candy red Impala. There were two luxury cars and an SUV in the driveway but he was focused on the oldest car in the garage. The one he’d bought from his brother when he was only 16 for 600 dollars. They went all over Texas in that car and got stuck so many times they both learned how to work on cars.

Walking towards him he looked up and threw the rag on the ground before breaking out into a big smile. It started with a handshake before he pulled him in to a hug. They’d been friends since they’d both been forced to sit in church all day at the age of 5. They’d borrowed clothes, fought together, shared women and money. But at some point Alek had to make the decision that the life Niles was living was going to get him killed and he couldn’t watch his bestfriend go down that path. Walking away from his friend meant walking away from the wife he introduced him to and the godchildren he’d come to love.

“They shot him like a dog in a ditch A! They caught him leaving home and going to work and hit him over 24 times. My brother wouldn’t about this life! You know that shit! Everybody know that shit! The police acting like this over a bitch but what nigga you know do ambush him and hit him that many times and be that clean getting away if it was over a bitch?”

He grabbed the bottle of Johnny Walker Blue Label off the bar and poured us both a glass before he picked up a football and started throwing it in the air.

“He asked about you a lot. He thought maybe you tried to creep with my wife or some shit like that. Everyone asks about you, even my kids and you know… I don’t have answers for none of them because like them I’ve spent so much time trying to realize why my bestfirend got ghost on me when I needed him the most! When his bestfriend, my wife needed him! I buried my brother today but I buried my other brother the day you walked out on us!”

“You know why I had to leave bro. You have enough money, you got the house and the wife and the businesses, why the streets!? If you don’t get got by whoever hit your brother or the cops, it’s going to be one of those young boys upstairs that want your spot!”

He threw the football at the wall and got in his face.

“They don’t want my spot! They just want to be on a winning team! They know loyalty, unlike you A. What do you want man? What do you want?”

Putting his drink down on the table he straightened his own tie and looked Niles in the face.

“I know who killed your brother.”

To Be Continued…

My Only Sin Was Loving You Too Much

IMG_0629Sleep felt foreign at the moment, laying down, closing his eyes, it just wouldn’t come. Getting out of bed as not to disturb her he walked out the bedroom and lied on the couch. Not knowing how long his eyes had been closed he could hear her in the kitchen, opening the fridge, closing the fridge. Running water in the sink, letting water out of the sink. His temper and stress had her walking on egg shells and her trust issues and the intensity of her love had him not knowing how to approach her at times. Not knowing how to explain to her that her doubts and fears were unwarranted.

His phone sitting on the kitchen table, he made no effort to go get it. If she was going to look through it, she was going to look through it. It’s the nature of women he thought to himself, curiosity killed the cat.

When she walked in the living room and put the TV on mute he knew tonight wouldn’t just be another sleepless night but another night without peace. He knew what the look meant before any words came out of her mouth. The look of fear mixed with anger, passion mixed with uncertainty.

“I know you want me to forget about it, to get over it but I still have questions. Why is it okay for you to just dismiss what’s important to me? What did the message say? Are you going on dates? Are there other women? I saw you looking up restaurants online, you took off work. Is there someone else Ron?”

The more she talked, the more he tried to put himself in her shoes but the more he tried to understand her, the more he just couldn’t. Though he loved women, though he never made it a secret about his past relationships he’d changed for her. Gone were the late night text and phone calls. Gone were the happy hours and friends that couldn’t except he wasn’t the man he used to be. Every one around him saw it, so why couldn’t she see it?

Why were tears of pain falling from her eyes at 3:00am instead of tears of pleasure? He wanted to hold her, hug her, kiss her and tell her it was going to be alright but his pride ran deep. His love for her was unquestionable so why couldn’t her faith in him be unwavering?

Before he knew it the glass in his hand shattered against the living room door!

“Why don’t you ever just shut up?! You have to pick a fight every night because of your got damn insecurities?!”

Turning his back and walking towards the kitchen he could hear her footsteps behind him. Standing in a pair of panties and holding her wine glass she pushed him in the back and as soon as he turned around he felt the wine hit his face!

“You don’t talk to me like that! I’m not afraid of you and you will not disrespect me!” His hand was around her neck before she finished her sentence. Letting her go, she gasped for air as he backed up.

Wiping the wine out his eyes with his shirt he wasn’t fast enough as the glass she was holding connected with his mouth. The taste of blood on his tongue and the immediate swelling on the tips of his fingers. Their fights had always been bad but the pint up hostility, aggression, resentment. It boiled over to a place it had never been to before. The aggression a substitute for desire. Rage a substitute for words that needed to be spoken.

Seeing his mouth bleeding she could muster no compassion, not for the man that had taken everything from her that made her, her. Her love for him was in direct conflict with the independence and control she had in her own life. The deeper he penetrated her heart, the more she felt helpless in just how much control he had over her mind, body and soul.

As they kissed he bit her lip and looking into his eyes she licked the blood off his mouth. As their tongues intertwined she ripped open his shirt and he pinned her against the wall. Hunger being replaced by hate; the intensity of him needing to be inside of her being replaced by the urge to grab his keys and never see her again.
Her legs wrapped around his waist, her hands in his hair, her eyes glazed over.

“I love you sooo much. I need you sooo much! If you’re going to leave me, do it now because I won’t be okay if you drag this out knowing it’s not what you want.”

He didn’t know why he was crying. Part of him wanted to believe it was because she felt like Heaven in his arms but a part of him knew it was because the intensity of their love scared him just as much as it scared her.

Love this deeply rarely works because the fire tends to consume everyone.

Till Death Do Us Part

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Melanie

Looking at his reflection in the elevator, the way his eyes were burning a hole through my ass. I just closed my eyes and fought the desire to cry, to scream, to hit every button and get off at the next floor and run! My body was a resource, a tool, I wasn’t the first woman to use it to get what I wanted. What I needed.

I wouldn’t be the last.

Everything was happening in slow motion, the key card sliding into the door, the lock slipping. As soon as I heard the door slam I felt his lips on the back of my neck and his hands sliding under my skirt. The room was dark, my face and hands were on the wall, only one tear fell. I wouldn’t let anymore fall. His hand was on the back of my neck, he spread my legs with his thighs and bent me over like I was being frisked. I could hear my panties being ripped and his zipper coming down.

I could hear the ripping of the condom wrapper, his grip tightened around my neck. I was too dry when he pushed himself inside of me but either he didn’t feel it or didn’t care because he wasn’t taking his time. The harder he stroked, the harder he squeezed my neck, he pushed me down further so that my back would arch more.

His breathing, his grunts, my hand hitting the wall trying to brace myself was all I could hear and then it was over.

He stepped back and I stayed with my face against the wall, pulling my skirt down and leaving my ripped panties on the floor. I wanted to turn around but I couldn’t face him.

“I’ll keep the account with your company. If you want to branch out on your own I’ll back you.” He opened the door, the light from the hallway came blasting in. I didn’t even want to go to the bathroom and clean up. I picked my purse up off the floor and held my head up, forcing myself to look him in the eyes.

“Thank you.” I didn’t recognize my own voice. All I recognized was the throbbing between my legs and pulsating pain through my wrist.

I stepped into the hallway, he rubbed the back of my arm and I turned around. “I’ll expect this arrangement to continue once a month and next time I want you to look me in my eyes when I’m inside you.” He let the door close and I knew things would never be the same.

But did success come without sacrifice?

Scandal Needs To Show Me More Tonight

Potentially Great Show

Potentially Great Show

I’m not one of those people that watch Scandal because the lead actress is a black woman. As a matter of fact that almost does the talent and writers of that show a disservice. I watch Scandal because I love political and legal dramas. I watched “The West Wing.” I love “House of Cards” on Netflix and “The Practice” is my favorite legal drama with “Law and Order” coming a close second. Talented, ambitious and ruthless people all pushing themselves to do unspeakable things out of loyalty and for power? That never gets old.

It’s not that Scandal isn’t good. They’ll be some internet troll that reads my title and completely misses the point. Scandal has too many great actors, too great a storyline to not allow the characters to grow more. Us learning more about the characters isn’t letting them grow. Kerry Washington is a star but she’s easily replaceable because of the content. I’m not even sure what the President’s name is but he could die tomorrow and whatever new attractive/ conflicted guy they brought in would fill that role because of the content.

This season should be one where we as an audience see more out of these characters. I have a unique viewpoint as a writer because I don’t blame actors when shows become redundant. I blame the people that are writing the show. What makes great television for me is when I can see real life without the chaos of fictional characters.

Scandal is a good show but if this season is like last season all it will be is a good show and by this time next year we will be talking about it being stale. It has the potential to be a franchise. To have a spinoff about Huck and the missions he ran while he was in that secret undercover team of assassins. Law and Order and Law and Order SVU have survived for over a decade because they constantly took stories from real life and switched out charters. You can be successful without recycling the same storyline.

That’s my opinion, looking forward to the season premiere!

Healing Her Heart

Happy

Happy

No matter how hard she tried she couldn’t stop smiling. The thought of him showing up had her dancing in her tank top and panties while she prepared dinner and double checked to make sure her apartment was clean. It had been a long time since she invited a man to her home for dinner. It took therapy, prayer and a lot of time to heal but she felt like he was the one.

The only reminder left of that night was a small scar over her eyebrow barely visible unless the sun caught it the right way. She thought he was coming over to propose, she thought it was going to be the happiest night of her life and instead it was the worse. To this day she still doesn’t know why he attacked her, why he beat her and did what he did.

The look in his eyes wasn’t the look of the man she’d known for a year, the man she would have done anything for. It was the look of a man that hated her. Lying on the floor, feeling like she was seconds away from dying her heart stopped when he pulled out the gun. It wasn’t for her though, he used it on himself.

“I want you to live with what you made me do. Why did you make me fall in love with you?”

Those words and the sound of the gunshot caused her more nightmares then she could have ever imagined. Even with her eye shut and her ribs broken she cried over his body, shaking him to be okay. To wake up!

That night changed her life, blinking her eyes, sipping the wine, she came back to reality. He was gone, Adam was nothing like him. He was sweet and smart and patient. Their love wasn’t intense, it wasn’t scary. When she was younger she would have never given a man like Adam a chance. He was attractive and had great qualities but they weren’t qualities she could appreciate back then.

Outside of her therapist she’d never told anyone about what happened that night, not even her family. The day she told him at the park she felt like it wasn’t her she was talking about. She could feel the tears falling and she saw it all in her head but she needed him to know. Squeezing her hand, wiping her tears, he listened to every word. She left nothing out, every detail, no matter how graphic.

The hardest part, the part she feared most, was telling him she couldn’t have children. The attack did more than brake her spirit, it broke a part of what made her a woman. Meeting his eyes, telling him what the doctors told her, what the specialist told her. “It’s why I can’t accept your love Adam, I know how much a child means to you and you say you’re okay with it now but I know you’ll resent me.” Pulling her close, unable to fight back his own tears. “I just want you. I haven’t regretted one moment we’ve been together and I don’t care how long it takes for you to heal or get comfortable with being with a man again. I’m here, I’m here. You don’t have to ever worry about me not being the man I am today. If it’s only the two of us for the rest of my life then God has given me more than enough.”

That spring afternoon was the cleansing the needed. Today she was ready. She wouldn’t hide her body, slipping off her jeans, opening the door. He stood there smiling, a bottle of wine, flowers. Taking the things out of his hand she pulled him inside, kissing him for what felt like the first time.

Today was a new day, today she would let love and happiness call her home.

Lust At First Sight

20140603-055513.jpgI don’t know if I’ve ever believed in love at first sight. I suppose part of me wants to but love is a verb, an action word so to love someone without knowing them just doesn’t make much sense to me. I do however believe in lust at first sight. The feeling you get when you see a woman for the first time and you imagine everything from kissing her to holding her hand to more graphic acts.

Personally speaking I have always thought that lust gets a bad rap. People talk about it in a sinful way but the thing is lust controlled is perfectly healthy. It’s natural to become aroused when you see someone that’s physically or mentally appealing to you.

I have some more thoughts but it’s almost the weekend; the people that are at work aren’t working hard so I’m going to write a quickie note.

Mid Day Sin…

Sitting on the top floor of the parking garage, no other cars around her she couldn’t stop smiling. Most of the building either on vacation or called in sick she let the sun warm her. Her blue tooth was in her ear so that both her hands would be free when the call came. They hadn’t talked in two weeks and she missed the hell out of him. If she was being honest with herself she couldn’t even remember what they were fighting about and just when she was about to break the text came in at 2am.

‘I mss you.’ She read those three little words and responded back.

‘I miss you too!’ Just like that they spent the entire night texting. ‘I’ll call you tomorrow at lunch baby; wear that black pencil skirt with the red heels, no panties.’

She was wearing exactly what he’d asked, beyond wet at the thought of hearing his voice after so long.

‘Hello.’ The phone didn’t finish one ring before she answered.

‘Hey baby! I’m still pissed at you for waiting two weeks to text me! But I’m sooo horny and you have been neglecting your friend!’ On the 17th floor she was all class, all professional tact but right here, right now. She could talk nasty and be the woman she knew he loved.

‘Lift your skirt up and place the phone to my friend so I can apologize.’ She kept the blue tooth in her hear, raised her skirt and placed her middle finger on the magic button.

‘She’s listening.’

‘I just want you to know that what me and Jewels have going on has nothing to do with me missing you, kissing you, licking you, putting my dick inside of you. I’m going to make it up to you in about thirty seconds.’ She jumped when she heard the tap on the window.

‘I told you I missed you both!’

Just like that they were starting their weekend off right.

I’m All In

cba 3I write these two page short stories every now and again because I want people to know what they’re getting when they buy my novel. I use my name because I put my emotions and my life in these words, in every word.

“Is it real?” I put my Corona on the floor and leaned back, was she serious?

“Do you want to touch it and see if it’s real?” She smiled and blew me a kiss.

I couldn’t remember the last time I was speechless about anything. She was standing in front of me, her jeans unzipped, her wet t-shirt pulled up past her bra and her pink nails removing the bandage. I wasn’t surprised by what she was about to show me but I was surprised that she’d actually went through with it.

It never came up but I was sure she got some kind of laser hair removal down there because every since I’d known her intimately it was as smooth as babies skin. There they were, staring me in the face. Two letters about the size of big paper clips sitting right below her panty line. Damn near glowing from the ointment that was covering them.

I downed my beer and stood up. Her eyes wouldn’t leave mine.

I wish I could front but I couldn’t, seeing my initials on someone so beautiful did something to my ego. This wasn’t a woman that had a bunch of tattoos or was impulsive, she thought about everything she did, we talked about everything to the point of wanting to strangle each other at times. So the fact that she did this scared me more than anything.

It told me she wasn’t playing any games. I rubbed my hand across the D first and then the W. Outside of a wedding ring or a baby how much more real could a situation get? She let her panties go and the lace covered my finger. I didn’t move it.

The rain was coming down harder now.

“I told you the other night this was yours.” She took my hand and slid it a couple of inches to the left, we were still standing.

“I wasn’t lying to you the yesterday, if I can’t have you, I swear no one will because no one else is going to have me!” She put her head in the crook of my neck and started to suck, she was a bitter.

Looking out the window at the rain falling, looking at the table, at her cell phone glowing with our picture on the screen I knew she was in deep. I was sure I loved her but the intensity with which she loved me was crazy. Before her I thought I had jealousy issues, after her I really learned what jealousy issues were. Even with everything that was going on in my head, the harder she sucked my neck the harder I pushed my two fingers inside of her. She was grinding on them, I knew it was just a matter of time before she pushed me down on the couch.

The tattoo was real, my initials were on her for life now. Did I even want that kind of responsibility in my life?

She pushed me on the couch and tried to climb on top of me, I stopped her and flipped her on the couch. I fell to my knees and pulled down her jeans just a bit, pulled at her panties just a bit and wiped the tattoo with my t-shirt. Then I licked it and kissed it.

She rubbed my hair and looked down at me, “What are you doing D?”

I looked up and pulled her shirt down, I kissed her stomach. “Would you die for me, fight for me?”

Her lips felt so soft on my forehead. “If there’s no you, there’s no me.” I pulled her face to mine and kissed her, the thunder made her jump so I kissed her harder.

“It’s throbbing baby, can you stop all this touching and kissing and kiss “it?”” I stood her up, zipped up her jeans and pinched her nipple.

“I promise to stop the throbbing when we get back.” I grabbed my jacket off the couch and opened the door with the rain coming down hard.

“It’s nasty out there boy! Where are we going?” She was pulling at my belt and trying to get my shirt off.

“Back to the tattoo place, if you’re all in. So am I.”

No more words needed to be said, she just cut off the lights and grabbed her jacket. “I’ll take care of you in the car, let’s go.” The smile on her face was huge.

I locked the door and went to get her initials.

Maybe we had some sort of crazy co-dependent relationship.

Maybe I was drawn to her because she needed saving and I needed to be needed.

Maybe having the novel out and having a career that was blossoming didn’t fulfill me like I thought it would.

Either way, yesterday morning when I woke with her straddling me, tears in her eyes and a silk scarf in her hands.

“I’ll kill you or myself before I let you leave me, do you understand me?” She was naked, her eyes were almost swollen from the tears, all I could do was hold her to stop the shaking. Most men would have ran or been scared. I’d never been more infatuated, more in love.

When you’re alone for so long you tend to appreciate when someone loses their mind over you and in turn you probably lose a little of your mind. Was I losing mines?

Addictions

Her…

Rainy days aren’t meant to be spent alone, it’s something about the thunder, the lightening, the rain beating against the roof that caused the inside of my thighs to convulse. Maybe it was the Brazilian that was a couple days old or the fact that I was running late and forgot to put on panties. Either way my hormones were fucking with my train of thought and before I knew it my phone was in my hand. Music had a way of bringing up old memories and the radio station wasn’t doing me any favors with this old school mix they were playing.

There’s a meeting in my bedroom was pumping through my speakers and I’ll be damned if that wasn’t the last song we made love to. Wait… Wait… Who am I kidding, it was the last song we fucked to. A dark alley, my shirt and bra on, all his clothes on… The front seat of his truck, that wasn’t making love, that was what it was.

The body wants what it wants right?

Him…

It was barely five and I was past drunk. I used to love rain and now all this bullshit did was remind me of her. A hot shower, some good music and my bottle was all I had to keep me company. No matter how many women I called or tried to hook up with, they just weren’t keeping my fucking interest! My phone stayed close to me, in my hand, the pocket of my pajama pants, on my counter or desk. I was just waiting for the perfect text or call to come through.

Seeing her name on my screen wasn’t what I was expecting and now I was right in the middle of her fucking with me.

I don’t care… Do what you want!

You don’t care huh, call me and tell me that.

I don’t have to prove anything to you.

If you don’t care, call and tell me you don’t care!

I knew I wasn’t strong enough to walk away from her, I was tired of the bullshit, the drama. Her provoking me! But what was I supposed to do, these other women were not doing the job but if I called her I knew where it would lead.

The drink was cold in my hand, the liquor had me in my feelings, the rain had me ready to make a baby and she had me ready to fuck someone up! I let up the window to get some fresh air in, I loved the sound of rain, the mist hitting me in the face.

I need to get this bitch out of my head… One call, just to let her know the shit she was doing didn’t bother me. The texts, the calls, the pictures, I needed to let her know they weren’t getting to me. I had to let her know they weren’t getting to me!

Her…

I knew he would call, he could talk all the shit he wanted, those other ho’s weren’t me which meant he was probably sitting at home stressing. I knew him better than he knew himself.

“Hey baby!” He hated when I was sounding all extra happy and he wasn’t. “So you’re happy for me huh?”

“That’s what I said, I’m happy for you.” If there was one man that wore his emotions on his sleeves, it was this man. It was all in his voice.

“Don’t lie to me, not on a Wednesday! I can hear it in your voice… You’re not happy for me.”

He didn’t say anything for a minute, pride was a bitch.

“I’m happy for you Nicolette, I hope he’s treating you right.” If he wanted to play this game I would play it with him.

“He is treating me right, like umm umm good right! I mean, we’re friends right, so you don’t mind me talking about this?”

5, 4, 3, 2, 1… I knew it was coming before he did.

“FUCK YOU AND HIM! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THAT SHIT!”

I couldn’t help but smile, men would always be men.

“If you don’t want to hear that shit! You need to come make me stop talking about him!” His pride was fucking with him, he didn’t want to be number two, the guy I called when my man wasn’t around but he missed me. He missed the sex, the comfort, the words.

“I’m not that guy, I’m not a fucking sideline ho!”

I was horny; I needed his tongue and his passion tonight. It was a long day.

“You want me, you know you want me! I’m down the street from my place, if you’re not here by eight I’ll take that as you didn’t want to be here.”

I hung up, pulled into my complex and thought about what I was going to wear tonight. He was coming and I was going to cum!

Him…

What the hell was I doing, I was too drunk to be driving in the first place and besides that I was starting to hate this girl. So why the hell was I hitting the freeway trying to get to her? Puling up to her gate, I wasn’t confused, I knew I wanted to be here but what I didn’t get was why the hold was so strong?

I downed a bottle of water, trying to sober myself up, at least a little bit. But I don’t think it was working.

She had a crazy baby daddy, a man that was paying his weight in gold for her and God knows what else going on. I took my gun and put it behind my back, drunk or not I wasn’t crazy. I took the stairs asking myself why I was weak behind her.

When she opened the door I had the answer to my question…

A pair of pink boy shorts, light green trim, no top, no shoes, her hair on her shoulders. I knew what I was here for and I didn’t regret it! If I was going to do this, I was going to do it! I picked her up and she wrapped her legs around my waist, her scent, her lips, the feel of her in my arms, everything seemed so familiar, so perfect!

Maybe I was just a thing for her, just a release and I knew I would pay for this, I knew it would fuck my head up but I needed this. I wanted this.

Her lips on my lips, the heat from her pussy on my stomach, there was no where else I wanted to be. “So you didn’t miss me huh? You didn’t miss me?! Tell that shit to your other bitches!” I pushed her on the floor, her legs wrapped around me, my mouth on her neck!

“I don’t care what you do! I just want the pussy! That’s all I came for!” She flipped me over, took control and got on top of me! But my chin and my chest.

“Tell that shit to someone else! You want me, you know I’m all you think about.” She stood up and took off the boy shorts, stuffed them in my pocket.

“You wont’ taste this again, so take those home with you and smell them when you get hard! Your other bitch doesn’t smell like that!”

She stood directly over me and just looked down, touching herself, balancing herself on her toes. “Tell me you want to taste it! Say it or I promise I’ll kick you out of here right now!” She was trying to punk me, to make herself the aggressor. I needed to tell her to go to hell, that I didn’t give a fuck. But how was I supposed to do that with her cat staring at me. Pretty, pink, bare…

“I want to taste it.”

I could feel the heat coming down on my mouth before I could taste it, three months felt like three decades. Between my mouth watering and her wetness the sound was like bath water running. I could feel myself drowning but I didn’t want her to get up.

“Eat it baby! Eat it! Show me you love me!”

Did I love her? Did I? Or was I in love with what she did to me? She was a high, an addiction. I swallowed her, licked her, sucked her, I wanted her to know how much I missed her. How in control of this pussy I was!

I picked her up and threw her on her back, her legs on my shoulders. Naked, sweating, her chest pumping up and down. I knew I should have put on a condom but I couldn’t help myself, the warmth, the tightness, the moistness. It was worth it, she was always worth it.

She liked it rough, hard, she loved talking dirty. I bit down on her neck, I wanted him to see a hickie, a mark! If there was a him he would know I was here!

“DAMN! FUCK ME! FUCK ME!”

In my mind we were making love, in my heart we were cherishing this moment. In reality… She was getting a nut and I was falling deeper in a situation I shouldn’t be in.

No Crying Over the Mistress

Showers are a gift from the Gods! The steam, body scrubs, shampooing, the way the water hits my back and my face. When I was growing up, we didn’t have a shower in the house, only a bathtub and for eighteen years I took a bath every night. I honestly can’t remember the last time I took a bath now. I shower like two, three times a day… Just for the experience, just for the relaxation it brings.

I stepped out the shower and grabbed a towel wrapping it around my waist. The bathroom was spotless, it was always spotless, my wife just didn’t play when it came to a clean home. Hell, after only two years of marriage I was trained to pick up every towel, wash every dish and to use a coaster. I took my left hand and wiped the steam off the window. My wedding band catching my eye, I never took it off, never.

Letting the water in the sink get hot, I washed my face with some Apricot Scrub, brushed my teeth. Trimmed any loose hairs around my goatee and just stared at myself. I was a man that had it all, the American Dream and I also lived every single day with the fear that my wife would find out I had a side ho. I guess I could call her a mistress or “the other woman” but the truth was, I was spending money out of our household to take care of this woman. I wasn’t falling in love with her, it was just sex. Really good, really nasty sex. Something my wife just didn’t have time for; don’t get me wrong, when we had it, it was amazing! But it happens to far and between for my liking.

Just thinking about her, how excited she gets when I send her a text and tell her I found some time for her or when I bring her some flowers or actually take her somewhere. There’s nothing like that “grateful sex” you get from a woman that’s just not used to getting a lot. It’s like tonight, she wants to go see a movie so I told her to find a nice out of the way theater and restaurant and I’ll make the time. All day, she’s been texting me about what she’s going to wear and what we’re going to see. I don’t even think my wife would sit thru a two hour movie, let alone get excited about it.

I kept my towel wrapped, dried my feet off on the rug and walked across the cold hard wood floors to the closet. A pair of grey slacks, a white button down shirt and a burgundy v-neck sweater from would be my attire for the night. Black belt, black loafers, Skagen watch with the blue face and black leather band and Kenneth Cole Black Cologne. I was a little bit of a perfectionist when it came to me appearance.

Black boxers, burgundy socks and black tank top underneath and in ten minutes my outfit was on and I was ready to go.

Stepping out the closet, walking over to the dresser to get my wallet, keys and money clip I could feel her standing in the door.

“You look nice, where are you getting ready to go?”

The thing about lying to your wife is simple; you can’t actually tell a lie. Because no matter how much she trusts you, she’ll check up on you sooner or later and she’ll remember where you said you were going two months from now. So, I always had a real live event, party, social function scheduled for whenever I was going to go see my side ho. And the reason is, if my wife asks questions or if she decides she wants to go, I’ll have a real place to take her. An alibi that doesn’t depend on a friend that might want to sleep with her or something else.

“Benjamin is having a little get together tonight for his birthday, I know we don’t talk like we used to but he’s a pretty cool guy. I thought I would go over there and have a couple of drinks, give my well wishes.” She walked over to where I was standing in front of the dresser, “Hold this.” She handed me her wine glass.

“You smell good; I didn’t know if that sweater would fit you, you’ve lost a little weight lately. Let me fix your collar.”

Her fingers grazed my neck while she was straightening my collar, she was a beautiful woman, there was no doubt about that. A pair of pink boy shorts, a white tank top, no bra. Her body screamed fuck me, but she just didn’t like to fuck. It was weird, but I married her knowing that.

“I think I want to go, where is it.” I couldn’t show her that I wanted with all my heart for her to stay her ass at home.

“It’s at Hotel ZaZa.”

“I love their Martinis! I want to go.” I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her into my body.

“Baby, I want you to go, but you know it’s going to take you a minute to be ready and I don’t want to be too late.” She looked up at me and gave me a peck on the lips.

“Boy! It takes you way longer than it takes me, I got my hair fixed earlier and I just got out the shower so let me throw on a little makeup, I have the perfect dress and shoes and I’ll be like thirty minutes. Go downstairs, fix yourself a drink, listen to some music and I’ll be down shortly.” She kissed me again, this time with her full lips and tongue.

“Al, I know it’s been awhile and I know how much sex means to you. So, I’m going to pack us a bag and we can just get a room tonight at ZaZa. We’ll call into tomorrow and maybe go to the beach, I know Galveston isn’t exactly the Bahamas but I want to spend a weekday enjoying my husband.”

I just watched her taking off her clothes and walking into her closet, she really was breathtaking. The truth was, I would trade one night of drinking and dancing and eating and sex with my wife for a hundred with a side ho.

“That’s a great idea baby; I’m looking forward to it. I’ll make reservations for a room downstairs. Hey… I forgot, let me go fill up and run to the liquor store to buy him a bottle before it turns nine. By the time I get back, you should be ready.”

I grabbed my keys, took the stairs two at a time and went down to the garage. I kept my second phone in my car and my wife hated driving so I wasn’t worried about her snooping around in here. I jumped in, let up the garage and backed out. I waited until I cleared the corner before I called Erica.

“Hey baby! Are you on your way, I’m almost ready!” I could hear the excitement in her voice.

“Change of plans E.” I didn’t really feel bad; I just sort of felt dirty for having to justify my actions to a woman I had no real ties to.

“You promised Allen!”

“I know I promised baby, but things happen. It’s not like I planned this, I just forgot. I’m going to make it up to you.”

“You’re always “going to make something up” to me! I get tired of the SAME SHIT OVER AND OVER! I WANT A REAL MAN IN MY LIFE! I’VE BEEN FUCKING WITH YOU FOR A YEAR AND WE’VE SPENT THREE NIGHTS TOGETHER!? THREE NIGHTS!!!” She was yelling and crying and I was so over it already.

“What do you want me to say?! You knew what was up when I met you; there was no cloak and dagger SHIT! I told you I was married, I told you my wife was going to come first! HELL, I WAS WITH MY WIFE AND YOU STILL CAME UP TO ME WHEN SHE WENT OUTSIDE TO TAKE THAT CALL! So, don’t start whining and shit tonight because I can’t take you to a movie. IT’S A FUCKING MOVIE!”

I didn’t mean to get mad at her, but how much can a man take. She pursued me, not the other way around. She knew I was married.

“THE MOVIE ISN’T THE POINT ALLEN! THE POINT IS I LOVE YOU…. OKAY!!! I FUCKING LOVE YOU! I DON’T KNOW WHEN IT HAPPENED, IT JUST HAPPENED. I KNOW YOU’RE MARRIED BUT HOW CAN YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE WHEN YOU’RE OVER HERE WITH YOUR HEAD IN-BETWEEN MY LEGS AND HOLDING ME TWO ARE THREE TIMES A WEEK!?”

She loves me, is this bitch crazy? I was really about to lose it now.

“DID YOU ASK ME, HOW CAN I?! BECAUSE YOU’RE FINE! BECAUSE I THOUGHT WE HAD AN UNDERSTANDING! I’M NOT FUCKING HEARTLESS, I DO CARE ABOUT YOU BUT I’M NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU AND I NEVER WILL BE!”

I could here her hyperventilating.

“YOU NEVER WILL BE! I’VE BEEN PLANNING FOR THIS NIGHT ALL WEEK, WE MEET AT HOTELS THAT I HAVE TO GET IN MY NAME. WE MEET AT RESTAURANTS THAT HAVE NO FUCKING STYLE! IT’S LIKE I’M YOUR DIRTY LITTLE SECRET! I CAN’T TELL MY FRIENDS ABOUT YOU! YOU DAMN SURE AREN’T GOING TO TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT ME!”

She gets them in her name but I give her the cash, I guess she’s forgetting about that part.

“I’m just tired Allen… I’m just tired of not having anyone to hold me at night; you’re over there with her. Talking about HER day, eating dinner with HER, cooking dinner with HER, watching Monday Night Football WITH HER and I’m the bitch you call when you want your dick sucked before you go to work. How do you think that makes me feel?”

It should make you feel like you give good head, that’s a compliment. I just held the phone as I walked in the store. I guess she needed to vent.

“HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME FUCKING FEEL!!!!? I JUST NEED MORE TIME DADDY! I just need more time; I miss you when we’re not together.”

I wanted to hang up in her face, I was excited about spending the night with my wife, but I wasn’t stupid. You didn’t just throw a woman away. Because she would find a way to get back at you.

“I know you miss me Erica, I know you do. And believe me when I tell you, I miss you too at times. But this isn’t going to end with me leaving my wife. With her going out the back door and you coming in the front. It never was and I won’t lie to you like it is now. If you can’t handle what we have, then you should move around, go get a man of your own baby girl. Someone that can be there when you call, someone that can walk around the Galleria with you or can take you to concerts or the Breakfast Club or Rockets Games; because I can’t do it! I can’t risk one of my wife’s friends seeing me with you. Yeah I know that shit sounds cold, but it’s the truth.”

There was a thin line between keeping it real and running game. I liked to think I played the line perfectly. I knew she wasn’t going anywhere.

“SO WHAT!? YOU DON’T CARE IF I LEAVE AL! YOU WOULD JUST LET ME WALK OUT OF YOUR LIFE?! AM I THAT FUCKING EXPENDABLE TO YOU! DO YOU HATE ME THAT MUCH, I MEAN HOW BITCHES DO YOU HAVE ON THE SIDE! I FUCKING I HATE YOU!! I SWEAR I HATE YOU!!!”

And now that she’s all hot like this, the next time I see her, she’s going to do everything in her power to try and make me stay. Checkmate.

“Listen E, I’m not going to do this; I just called you to cancel for tonight because I figured you deserve that much. But all this drama, you yelling and crying… that’s not for me baby. I understand you’re hurt and you caught feelings but charge that shit to the game. The next time you want a man, go find one that’s either single or has a woman at home that you know for a fact you can replace. I know I’m as asshole for cheating on my wife, but she’s just always tired. Between her working and doing charitable and social events, she just doesn’t have time for the sort of sex drive I have. It was good meeting you Erica, I mean that.”

“Is this goodbye Allen… Seriously, you’re going to tell me goodbye over the phone. Don’t I at least deserve a goodbye in person… please? I won’t ask to see you again; I just want to see you one last time. Please…”

I just held the phone, I had every intention on seeing her young freaky ass again, but the thing was. I had to put her in her place. If I let her think she could just pull a temper tan tantrum and get her way… she would do it all the time.

There are two types of side chicks. The ones that need you financially and sexually, those are the best ones because it’s simply an arrangement. They probably date and have broke boyfriends, whatever. Maybe they’re just single and need some good sex. You can walk away from those women easy. And then you have single women that want something serious but their willing to settle for half a man. They have homes, cars, good jobs; they don’t need your money or even sex. They just want a relationship and they feel like they can take you. Those women are the worse because they love hard and they only get the good parts of you.

“I can’t come tonight or tomorrow. I’ll try to come by this weekend.”

“If you can’t come see me at least tomorrow, I’ll hurt myself Allen; I’m not saying this to get your attention. I’m saying it because I miss you; I just need to see you. You’ve done this to me, if you didn’t want me in your life, you shouldn’t have made love to me the way you did. Treated me the way you do!”

“I don’t want you to hurt yourself Erica, just calm down and I’ll see you this weekend. I have to go.”

I hung up the phone and cut if off, filled up and headed back towards our house to pick up my wife. I got a text on my regular cell; I could see it lightening up on my consul.

“If something happens to me or the baby, it’s on you!”

I ALMOST LOST CONTROL OF THE CAR BECAUSE THE TEXT CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD! WE DIDN’T USE CONDOMS BUT SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS ON THE PILL, HOW FUCKING STUPID WAS I?! COULD SHE BE PREGNANT…? HMMMM…

I didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about it, if she did hurt herself or a baby, what did it matter.

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Thunderstorms, Trench Coats and High Heels

storms “Turn off the lights. Light a candle; because tonight I’m going to make love to you.” I was singing to her, rather badly but I loved to hear her laugh.

Last night was rough for her, grad school finals and taking on new responsibilities at work. As tired as I was, as she was, I stayed up with her. Sipping coffee, rubbing her shoulders, quizzing her on her notes. It was a long night but one I wouldn’t trade for the world.

“I’m going to need you to promise me you won’t show that sexy voice to anyone else. I don’t want to hurt someone for throwing panties at my man.” I could hear the smile in her voice.

Just like clockwork she called me as soon as she left work.

“Baby. Are you cooking tonight? I just want to come home and lay on the couch.” She still had her house. A house she paid bills at, that was twice as big as mines but whenever she spoke of lying on the couch at home she was talking about my couch.

Staying up all night with her, going straight to work and now I was going to have to make dinner too. A part of me knew she was spoiled but I didn’t have it in me to tell her no.

“I’ll take something out, how far are you?”

“I’m like 5 minutes away. I’m exiting 59 now. Oh babe! I see a cop, let me get off this phone before I pass this school zone! I’ll see you in a minute, love you! Bye.”

The call ended and I stood at the fridge looking inside wondering what the hell I was going to cook in this short notice. Settling on some chicken breast I threw them on defrost and started to grab what I needed when I heard a knock at the door.

I knew she had a key so when I looked out the window and saw her car in the driveway I figured she’d just forgotten to use it. When I opened the door my mouth dropped.

Standing there, a thin trench grey trench coat on, purple heels that added a good 4 inches to her height. Her hair bouncy and curly, holding a six pack in one hand, a pizza in the other. I didn’t offer to take the food out of her hands, didn’t move back so she could walk in. I just couldn’t stop looking at her. Couldn’t stop feeling like this wasn’t real. “I love you,”she mouthed to me. Unbuttoning the top button on her coat, showing me the lace underneath. “I want to suck….” She mouthed. The thunder was loud behind her, the rain even louder. My porch shielding her from the worst of it she licked her lips and smiled that smile that said so much.

Maybe it was a thank you for all I’d done knowing she needed to study and was fighting for a promotion. It could have been her being extra because we hadn’t had sex in a week. Or maybe she knew the draft was tonight and nothing went better with football then beer and pizza. Either way I took the stuff out of her hands. Pulled her inside and set the DVR to record what I obviously wasn’t going to be watching tonight.