Changing My Brothers Fate

20140703-065049.jpg“Where is he?” It had been at least two years since I’d seen him. Maybe longer than that. There were about ten or twelve people in the room and I didn’t recognize any of them but his wife. She stood out from the rest of them, her posture and mannerisms were the first thing that gave her away. Even though she didn’t come from where we came from she still played the part. Asking them if they wanted anything to drink or fixing plates. A part of me knew it was all just to keep herself busy.

Rubbing her shoulder, trying to meet her eyes, I asked her again. “Where is he?”

“Why are you worried now? He blames himself you know. He still talks about you like you’re his bestfriend. I didn’t know bestfriends gave up on each other.” She needed someone to take her frustrations out on. I knew she missed me, they both missed me but I did what I knew was best. At least that’s what I thought, until looking in her eyes.

The woodwork in the kitchen was beautiful, hand crafted. The entire living room was glass on three sides. The last time I was here they’d just started construction and now it was everything she designed.

“Where is he?”

She slammed the glass down on the counter making a few of the men in the room look our way, the look she gave them let them know this wasn’t their fight.

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“One picture. He only keeps one picture in the garage. It’s not of his mother or his brother. It’s not of our children! Who I’m afraid to have around right now because some fool might come shooting! The only picture he has in his beloved garage is of us. You, me and him. It’s not just him you gave up on Alek! You gave up on me, on your godchildren. He’s in the garage. He wanted to be alone but his people aren’t going to leave him. They have their faults but their loyal.”

I know she needed to talk, needed to vent but today wasn’t about her.

They all grilled me as I walked across the living room but they were his dogs and his dogs wouldn’t bite unless they were instructed to. I didn’t recognize the young guys in the living room but the two at the door immediately started smiling and stood up when they saw me.

Aaron and Allen were twins and they’d grown up with us. We all played baseball together. My career ended in high school once I realized my fast ball topped out at 60 mph. Aaron and Allen were suspended for fighting and just said screw school. Niles was the best out of all of us. He could swing a bat like Ken Griffy Jr. and throw a ball like Roger Clemens but once the three of us stopped playing, so did he. I graduated to college and the three of them graduated to the streets.

Aaron and Allen lived Niles because he gave them purpose. They were just being thugs to be thugs but Niles gave them a reason to be thugs. He took pistols out of their hands and told them to use them only when necessary. He showed them how to save money and get what they wanted with respect and not fear. They were his soldiers and even though they were smiling I could see the disappointment in their eyes.

“It’s been a minute Alek, hate for this to be the reason you’re coming to see your man.”

“How is he?”

“You know Niles, he’s ice; but that’s mostly for the soldiers. It was his brother. Outside of us going to the funeral home and the service today, he hasn’t left the garage. The streets are waiting and the goons are getting antsy but we won’t do nothing until the boss tells us which way to rock.”

Stepping past them and taking the stairs down into the garage he saw why he spent so much time down. Calling it a garage was a disservice. There were three cars in there and a couple bikes but there was also a pool table, a bar, a couple couches and full bath. He was still wearing the suit he wore at the funeral, the sleeves were rolled up and his tie was loosened on his neck.

There was music playing in the background but he didn’t know the rapper. He was polishing the candy red Impala. There were two luxury cars and an SUV in the driveway but he was focused on the oldest car in the garage. The one he’d bought from his brother when he was only 16 for 600 dollars. They went all over Texas in that car and got stuck so many times they both learned how to work on cars.

Walking towards him he looked up and threw the rag on the ground before breaking out into a big smile. It started with a handshake before he pulled him in to a hug. They’d been friends since they’d both been forced to sit in church all day at the age of 5. They’d borrowed clothes, fought together, shared women and money. But at some point Alek had to make the decision that the life Niles was living was going to get him killed and he couldn’t watch his bestfriend go down that path. Walking away from his friend meant walking away from the wife he introduced him to and the godchildren he’d come to love.

“They shot him like a dog in a ditch A! They caught him leaving home and going to work and hit him over 24 times. My brother wouldn’t about this life! You know that shit! Everybody know that shit! The police acting like this over a bitch but what nigga you know do ambush him and hit him that many times and be that clean getting away if it was over a bitch?”

He grabbed the bottle of Johnny Walker Blue Label off the bar and poured us both a glass before he picked up a football and started throwing it in the air.

“He asked about you a lot. He thought maybe you tried to creep with my wife or some shit like that. Everyone asks about you, even my kids and you know… I don’t have answers for none of them because like them I’ve spent so much time trying to realize why my bestfirend got ghost on me when I needed him the most! When his bestfriend, my wife needed him! I buried my brother today but I buried my other brother the day you walked out on us!”

“You know why I had to leave bro. You have enough money, you got the house and the wife and the businesses, why the streets!? If you don’t get got by whoever hit your brother or the cops, it’s going to be one of those young boys upstairs that want your spot!”

He threw the football at the wall and got in his face.

“They don’t want my spot! They just want to be on a winning team! They know loyalty, unlike you A. What do you want man? What do you want?”

Putting his drink down on the table he straightened his own tie and looked Niles in the face.

“I know who killed your brother.”

To Be Continued…

My Only Sin Was Loving You Too Much

IMG_0629Sleep felt foreign at the moment, laying down, closing his eyes, it just wouldn’t come. Getting out of bed as not to disturb her he walked out the bedroom and lied on the couch. Not knowing how long his eyes had been closed he could hear her in the kitchen, opening the fridge, closing the fridge. Running water in the sink, letting water out of the sink. His temper and stress had her walking on egg shells and her trust issues and the intensity of her love had him not knowing how to approach her at times. Not knowing how to explain to her that her doubts and fears were unwarranted.

His phone sitting on the kitchen table, he made no effort to go get it. If she was going to look through it, she was going to look through it. It’s the nature of women he thought to himself, curiosity killed the cat.

When she walked in the living room and put the TV on mute he knew tonight wouldn’t just be another sleepless night but another night without peace. He knew what the look meant before any words came out of her mouth. The look of fear mixed with anger, passion mixed with uncertainty.

“I know you want me to forget about it, to get over it but I still have questions. Why is it okay for you to just dismiss what’s important to me? What did the message say? Are you going on dates? Are there other women? I saw you looking up restaurants online, you took off work. Is there someone else Ron?”

The more she talked, the more he tried to put himself in her shoes but the more he tried to understand her, the more he just couldn’t. Though he loved women, though he never made it a secret about his past relationships he’d changed for her. Gone were the late night text and phone calls. Gone were the happy hours and friends that couldn’t except he wasn’t the man he used to be. Every one around him saw it, so why couldn’t she see it?

Why were tears of pain falling from her eyes at 3:00am instead of tears of pleasure? He wanted to hold her, hug her, kiss her and tell her it was going to be alright but his pride ran deep. His love for her was unquestionable so why couldn’t her faith in him be unwavering?

Before he knew it the glass in his hand shattered against the living room door!

“Why don’t you ever just shut up?! You have to pick a fight every night because of your got damn insecurities?!”

Turning his back and walking towards the kitchen he could hear her footsteps behind him. Standing in a pair of panties and holding her wine glass she pushed him in the back and as soon as he turned around he felt the wine hit his face!

“You don’t talk to me like that! I’m not afraid of you and you will not disrespect me!” His hand was around her neck before she finished her sentence. Letting her go, she gasped for air as he backed up.

Wiping the wine out his eyes with his shirt he wasn’t fast enough as the glass she was holding connected with his mouth. The taste of blood on his tongue and the immediate swelling on the tips of his fingers. Their fights had always been bad but the pint up hostility, aggression, resentment. It boiled over to a place it had never been to before. The aggression a substitute for desire. Rage a substitute for words that needed to be spoken.

Seeing his mouth bleeding she could muster no compassion, not for the man that had taken everything from her that made her, her. Her love for him was in direct conflict with the independence and control she had in her own life. The deeper he penetrated her heart, the more she felt helpless in just how much control he had over her mind, body and soul.

As they kissed he bit her lip and looking into his eyes she licked the blood off his mouth. As their tongues intertwined she ripped open his shirt and he pinned her against the wall. Hunger being replaced by hate; the intensity of him needing to be inside of her being replaced by the urge to grab his keys and never see her again.
Her legs wrapped around his waist, her hands in his hair, her eyes glazed over.

“I love you sooo much. I need you sooo much! If you’re going to leave me, do it now because I won’t be okay if you drag this out knowing it’s not what you want.”

He didn’t know why he was crying. Part of him wanted to believe it was because she felt like Heaven in his arms but a part of him knew it was because the intensity of their love scared him just as much as it scared her.

Love this deeply rarely works because the fire tends to consume everyone.

Till Death Do Us Part

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Melanie

Looking at his reflection in the elevator, the way his eyes were burning a hole through my ass. I just closed my eyes and fought the desire to cry, to scream, to hit every button and get off at the next floor and run! My body was a resource, a tool, I wasn’t the first woman to use it to get what I wanted. What I needed.

I wouldn’t be the last.

Everything was happening in slow motion, the key card sliding into the door, the lock slipping. As soon as I heard the door slam I felt his lips on the back of my neck and his hands sliding under my skirt. The room was dark, my face and hands were on the wall, only one tear fell. I wouldn’t let anymore fall. His hand was on the back of my neck, he spread my legs with his thighs and bent me over like I was being frisked. I could hear my panties being ripped and his zipper coming down.

I could hear the ripping of the condom wrapper, his grip tightened around my neck. I was too dry when he pushed himself inside of me but either he didn’t feel it or didn’t care because he wasn’t taking his time. The harder he stroked, the harder he squeezed my neck, he pushed me down further so that my back would arch more.

His breathing, his grunts, my hand hitting the wall trying to brace myself was all I could hear and then it was over.

He stepped back and I stayed with my face against the wall, pulling my skirt down and leaving my ripped panties on the floor. I wanted to turn around but I couldn’t face him.

“I’ll keep the account with your company. If you want to branch out on your own I’ll back you.” He opened the door, the light from the hallway came blasting in. I didn’t even want to go to the bathroom and clean up. I picked my purse up off the floor and held my head up, forcing myself to look him in the eyes.

“Thank you.” I didn’t recognize my own voice. All I recognized was the throbbing between my legs and pulsating pain through my wrist.

I stepped into the hallway, he rubbed the back of my arm and I turned around. “I’ll expect this arrangement to continue once a month and next time I want you to look me in my eyes when I’m inside you.” He let the door close and I knew things would never be the same.

But did success come without sacrifice?

Scandal Needs To Show Me More Tonight

Potentially Great Show

Potentially Great Show

I’m not one of those people that watch Scandal because the lead actress is a black woman. As a matter of fact that almost does the talent and writers of that show a disservice. I watch Scandal because I love political and legal dramas. I watched “The West Wing.” I love “House of Cards” on Netflix and “The Practice” is my favorite legal drama with “Law and Order” coming a close second. Talented, ambitious and ruthless people all pushing themselves to do unspeakable things out of loyalty and for power? That never gets old.

It’s not that Scandal isn’t good. They’ll be some internet troll that reads my title and completely misses the point. Scandal has too many great actors, too great a storyline to not allow the characters to grow more. Us learning more about the characters isn’t letting them grow. Kerry Washington is a star but she’s easily replaceable because of the content. I’m not even sure what the President’s name is but he could die tomorrow and whatever new attractive/ conflicted guy they brought in would fill that role because of the content.

This season should be one where we as an audience see more out of these characters. I have a unique viewpoint as a writer because I don’t blame actors when shows become redundant. I blame the people that are writing the show. What makes great television for me is when I can see real life without the chaos of fictional characters.

Scandal is a good show but if this season is like last season all it will be is a good show and by this time next year we will be talking about it being stale. It has the potential to be a franchise. To have a spinoff about Huck and the missions he ran while he was in that secret undercover team of assassins. Law and Order and Law and Order SVU have survived for over a decade because they constantly took stories from real life and switched out charters. You can be successful without recycling the same storyline.

That’s my opinion, looking forward to the season premiere!

Healing Her Heart

Happy

Happy

No matter how hard she tried she couldn’t stop smiling. The thought of him showing up had her dancing in her tank top and panties while she prepared dinner and double checked to make sure her apartment was clean. It had been a long time since she invited a man to her home for dinner. It took therapy, prayer and a lot of time to heal but she felt like he was the one.

The only reminder left of that night was a small scar over her eyebrow barely visible unless the sun caught it the right way. She thought he was coming over to propose, she thought it was going to be the happiest night of her life and instead it was the worse. To this day she still doesn’t know why he attacked her, why he beat her and did what he did.

The look in his eyes wasn’t the look of the man she’d known for a year, the man she would have done anything for. It was the look of a man that hated her. Lying on the floor, feeling like she was seconds away from dying her heart stopped when he pulled out the gun. It wasn’t for her though, he used it on himself.

“I want you to live with what you made me do. Why did you make me fall in love with you?”

Those words and the sound of the gunshot caused her more nightmares then she could have ever imagined. Even with her eye shut and her ribs broken she cried over his body, shaking him to be okay. To wake up!

That night changed her life, blinking her eyes, sipping the wine, she came back to reality. He was gone, Adam was nothing like him. He was sweet and smart and patient. Their love wasn’t intense, it wasn’t scary. When she was younger she would have never given a man like Adam a chance. He was attractive and had great qualities but they weren’t qualities she could appreciate back then.

Outside of her therapist she’d never told anyone about what happened that night, not even her family. The day she told him at the park she felt like it wasn’t her she was talking about. She could feel the tears falling and she saw it all in her head but she needed him to know. Squeezing her hand, wiping her tears, he listened to every word. She left nothing out, every detail, no matter how graphic.

The hardest part, the part she feared most, was telling him she couldn’t have children. The attack did more than brake her spirit, it broke a part of what made her a woman. Meeting his eyes, telling him what the doctors told her, what the specialist told her. “It’s why I can’t accept your love Adam, I know how much a child means to you and you say you’re okay with it now but I know you’ll resent me.” Pulling her close, unable to fight back his own tears. “I just want you. I haven’t regretted one moment we’ve been together and I don’t care how long it takes for you to heal or get comfortable with being with a man again. I’m here, I’m here. You don’t have to ever worry about me not being the man I am today. If it’s only the two of us for the rest of my life then God has given me more than enough.”

That spring afternoon was the cleansing the needed. Today she was ready. She wouldn’t hide her body, slipping off her jeans, opening the door. He stood there smiling, a bottle of wine, flowers. Taking the things out of his hand she pulled him inside, kissing him for what felt like the first time.

Today was a new day, today she would let love and happiness call her home.

Lust At First Sight

20140603-055513.jpgI don’t know if I’ve ever believed in love at first sight. I suppose part of me wants to but love is a verb, an action word so to love someone without knowing them just doesn’t make much sense to me. I do however believe in lust at first sight. The feeling you get when you see a woman for the first time and you imagine everything from kissing her to holding her hand to more graphic acts.

Personally speaking I have always thought that lust gets a bad rap. People talk about it in a sinful way but the thing is lust controlled is perfectly healthy. It’s natural to become aroused when you see someone that’s physically or mentally appealing to you.

I have some more thoughts but it’s almost the weekend; the people that are at work aren’t working hard so I’m going to write a quickie note.

Mid Day Sin…

Sitting on the top floor of the parking garage, no other cars around her she couldn’t stop smiling. Most of the building either on vacation or called in sick she let the sun warm her. Her blue tooth was in her ear so that both her hands would be free when the call came. They hadn’t talked in two weeks and she missed the hell out of him. If she was being honest with herself she couldn’t even remember what they were fighting about and just when she was about to break the text came in at 2am.

‘I mss you.’ She read those three little words and responded back.

‘I miss you too!’ Just like that they spent the entire night texting. ‘I’ll call you tomorrow at lunch baby; wear that black pencil skirt with the red heels, no panties.’

She was wearing exactly what he’d asked, beyond wet at the thought of hearing his voice after so long.

‘Hello.’ The phone didn’t finish one ring before she answered.

‘Hey baby! I’m still pissed at you for waiting two weeks to text me! But I’m sooo horny and you have been neglecting your friend!’ On the 17th floor she was all class, all professional tact but right here, right now. She could talk nasty and be the woman she knew he loved.

‘Lift your skirt up and place the phone to my friend so I can apologize.’ She kept the blue tooth in her hear, raised her skirt and placed her middle finger on the magic button.

‘She’s listening.’

‘I just want you to know that what me and Jewels have going on has nothing to do with me missing you, kissing you, licking you, putting my dick inside of you. I’m going to make it up to you in about thirty seconds.’ She jumped when she heard the tap on the window.

‘I told you I missed you both!’

Just like that they were starting their weekend off right.

I’m All In

cba 3I write these two page short stories every now and again because I want people to know what they’re getting when they buy my novel. I use my name because I put my emotions and my life in these words, in every word.

“Is it real?” I put my Corona on the floor and leaned back, was she serious?

“Do you want to touch it and see if it’s real?” She smiled and blew me a kiss.

I couldn’t remember the last time I was speechless about anything. She was standing in front of me, her jeans unzipped, her wet t-shirt pulled up past her bra and her pink nails removing the bandage. I wasn’t surprised by what she was about to show me but I was surprised that she’d actually went through with it.

It never came up but I was sure she got some kind of laser hair removal down there because every since I’d known her intimately it was as smooth as babies skin. There they were, staring me in the face. Two letters about the size of big paper clips sitting right below her panty line. Damn near glowing from the ointment that was covering them.

I downed my beer and stood up. Her eyes wouldn’t leave mine.

I wish I could front but I couldn’t, seeing my initials on someone so beautiful did something to my ego. This wasn’t a woman that had a bunch of tattoos or was impulsive, she thought about everything she did, we talked about everything to the point of wanting to strangle each other at times. So the fact that she did this scared me more than anything.

It told me she wasn’t playing any games. I rubbed my hand across the D first and then the W. Outside of a wedding ring or a baby how much more real could a situation get? She let her panties go and the lace covered my finger. I didn’t move it.

The rain was coming down harder now.

“I told you the other night this was yours.” She took my hand and slid it a couple of inches to the left, we were still standing.

“I wasn’t lying to you the yesterday, if I can’t have you, I swear no one will because no one else is going to have me!” She put her head in the crook of my neck and started to suck, she was a bitter.

Looking out the window at the rain falling, looking at the table, at her cell phone glowing with our picture on the screen I knew she was in deep. I was sure I loved her but the intensity with which she loved me was crazy. Before her I thought I had jealousy issues, after her I really learned what jealousy issues were. Even with everything that was going on in my head, the harder she sucked my neck the harder I pushed my two fingers inside of her. She was grinding on them, I knew it was just a matter of time before she pushed me down on the couch.

The tattoo was real, my initials were on her for life now. Did I even want that kind of responsibility in my life?

She pushed me on the couch and tried to climb on top of me, I stopped her and flipped her on the couch. I fell to my knees and pulled down her jeans just a bit, pulled at her panties just a bit and wiped the tattoo with my t-shirt. Then I licked it and kissed it.

She rubbed my hair and looked down at me, “What are you doing D?”

I looked up and pulled her shirt down, I kissed her stomach. “Would you die for me, fight for me?”

Her lips felt so soft on my forehead. “If there’s no you, there’s no me.” I pulled her face to mine and kissed her, the thunder made her jump so I kissed her harder.

“It’s throbbing baby, can you stop all this touching and kissing and kiss “it?”” I stood her up, zipped up her jeans and pinched her nipple.

“I promise to stop the throbbing when we get back.” I grabbed my jacket off the couch and opened the door with the rain coming down hard.

“It’s nasty out there boy! Where are we going?” She was pulling at my belt and trying to get my shirt off.

“Back to the tattoo place, if you’re all in. So am I.”

No more words needed to be said, she just cut off the lights and grabbed her jacket. “I’ll take care of you in the car, let’s go.” The smile on her face was huge.

I locked the door and went to get her initials.

Maybe we had some sort of crazy co-dependent relationship.

Maybe I was drawn to her because she needed saving and I needed to be needed.

Maybe having the novel out and having a career that was blossoming didn’t fulfill me like I thought it would.

Either way, yesterday morning when I woke with her straddling me, tears in her eyes and a silk scarf in her hands.

“I’ll kill you or myself before I let you leave me, do you understand me?” She was naked, her eyes were almost swollen from the tears, all I could do was hold her to stop the shaking. Most men would have ran or been scared. I’d never been more infatuated, more in love.

When you’re alone for so long you tend to appreciate when someone loses their mind over you and in turn you probably lose a little of your mind. Was I losing mines?