Why Do I Believe In Love?

The n20140422-143306.jpgame of this blog was supposed to be called Attractions and Distractions but I was jogging and it started to pour down and I started to think about the last time I jogged and it rained. I was with this girl I was crazy about and she was running like a rabbit, I was dying trying to keep up with her. The rain made us tap out so we were standing under a basketball court waiting for the rain to die down.

It was maybe the most romantic moment of my life that was unplanned. She was stretching and smiling at me and we were the only two out there, I walked over to her thinking we were going to have this sweaty, rainy kiss in the park and she looked at me and smiled and started talking about another guy.

I can’t describe how I felt but you know what, we talked for like two hours that night about this guy. Why she loved him, why she wanted him, why they were going thru so much bullshit. And after all our talking and walking back to our cars the thing I remember most was her last words.

“I know you think I’m stupid but I just love him.”

The truth was I didn’t think she was stupid because love is that freaking AWESOME!

If you’re reading this blog you’re probably on social media enough to see all the relationship post, the lonely post, the dating post. People are either happy in love, trying to find love, trying to avoid love or just all of the above.

I believe in love because I believe in men and women. I believe that most of us are good people at our core, we just want to be happy and to have someone hold us down. Someone to care if we don’t come home at the usual time or if they go a day without talking to us.

I believe in love because I know the feeling of wanting more than anything just to hear a voice or to touch a hand or a lip or a fingertip. I know what it’s like to want to see someone so bad that you’ll leave work early just for twenty minutes of small talk and a hug goodbye.

To me love is so perfect and so worth writing about and if I need something to believe in, why not love?

A broken heart only has the weight it has because before it was broken it was filled with love and hope and passion! Love isn’t all roses and chocolates and John Legend on repeat, love is bigger than that, it’s a mindset, a SPIRITUAL AWAKENING!

Do you all want to know why I believe in my writing? Why I believe in the words I write? It’s because I believe in love. I have no fear of expressing my thoughts because we only get one life and one voice and if I can use mine championing passion and romance and love then I’ve lived one hell of a life.

Every text I get, every phone call, every inbox message or Instagram post; Before I read it I wonder is it going to be the message, the words that make me fall in love all over again? It’s a high I’m chasing and until I find it I’ll keep chasing it.

I really feel sorry for people that have given up on the idea of finding someone that will love them above all else. I am who I am, I have a big personality and a big voice. High expectations and even higher standards. I only expect those things because I’m willing to give them!

I believe in love because I believe in cakey FB pictures at 2am.

I believe in love because I believe in picking her up from work just because it’s raining and taking her to work because we had to leave her car there. Those are moments that love created, that we created because of that love.

To say I miss all that is an understatement. I’m not built to be single because I look at every woman like she’s the only one I’ve ever seen and in this day and age that’s ridiculous. I can’t change who I am, I don’t regret the broken hearts or the bullshit because without it I wouldn’t have my foundation.

I wouldn’t have my novel, I wouldn’t have Conversations Between Adults and most importantly I wouldn’t have the ability to do it all over again. A couple of days ago a guy sent me a message telling me to leave his girlfriend alone; now I hadn’t talked to her in awhile but I wasn’t even mad at him because love can make you crazy and selfish and scared. I’ve been all those things and I hated it but when you love someone so much you’re going to be afraid of losing them.

I actually hope they make it because life is too short to not love who you want and have them love you back.

I know I probably used the word “love” 3000 times but I’ve meant everything I wrote tonight. I’m looking forward to the day I can have all the things I write about with the woman I write about. If you all think I’m over the top now.

Wait until I’m actually getting off this laptop and getting into bed with someone.

Goodnight Beautiful People


Another Man’s Child…

a belly “Can I touch it?”

“It’s not going to bite you.”

Two years, maybe more than that since I’d seen her. There wasn’t the awkwardness I thought there would be but it was still weird seeing her sitting on my couch. I wanted to touch it, she said it was alright if I did but it just didn’t feel right. Considering it wasn’t mines anymore. She was still beautiful, still sexy, still everything I remembered, everything that motivated me. Getting in front of her on my knees I put my hands on it, rubbed it. She giggled, she smiled, I looked up at her and saw she was happy. As long as she was happy that’s all that mattered to me.

Her stomach wasn’t big enough for a baby bump but with her shirt unbuttoned and her sitting down it wasn’t hard to tell. I couldn’t take my hand away, I kept hoping he would kick or growl or whatever babies do. I just wished he was mine, for the moments my hands were on her skin I wished we were enjoying this together and she wasn’t just here to pick up a book and see how I was doing.

The bible said it was wrong to covet another man’s wife but it didn’t say anything about another man’s fiancé. She smelled like I remembered even though I didn’t know the perfume, her hair was the same, she looked a little more mature but it fit her. I met her when she was barely 21 now she was almost 24. I met a girl, the woman sitting on my couch was a woman. She was comfortable around me, secure around me. I couldn’t deny I still loved her but I also couldn’t deny she was in love with him. Kissing her stomach while she played in my hair I knew today was only about pleasure for her. Sliding my tongue past her bellybutton I knew I’d probably never see her again but if this was our goodbye I would make her remember it.