Be A Man Worth Bragging About

If she’s with you, she’s a representation of you. For some reason some men don’t get this. The way you take care of the woman God gave you speaks to what type of man you are.

You’re always looking for something new but she’s always supposed to accept the same old you? She wants something new herself. She needs a new man.

No, I’m not saying she needs to leave you. I’m saying she needs you to adapt a new way of thinking and bury that old you.

I have to cook myself dinner every night because I haven’t been consistent enough with any one woman to have get call and say, “What do you want for dinner tonight? Or “I know it’s been a long day, what so you want to drink, I’m coming over.”

It’s not because “women don’t do that anymore” or “they don’t appreciate a good man.” No woman wants to feel like one of many and if she does, why would she treat you special?

Know what you have and embrace it.

~ Demez F. White


Till Death Do Us Part


Looking at his reflection in the elevator, the way his eyes were burning a hole through my ass. I just closed my eyes and fought the desire to cry, to scream, to hit every button and get off at the next floor and run! My body was a resource, a tool, I wasn’t the first woman to use it to get what I wanted. What I needed.

I wouldn’t be the last.

Everything was happening in slow motion, the key card sliding into the door, the lock slipping. As soon as I heard the door slam I felt his lips on the back of my neck and his hands sliding under my skirt. The room was dark, my face and hands were on the wall, only one tear fell. I wouldn’t let anymore fall. His hand was on the back of my neck, he spread my legs with his thighs and bent me over like I was being frisked. I could hear my panties being ripped and his zipper coming down.

I could hear the ripping of the condom wrapper, his grip tightened around my neck. I was too dry when he pushed himself inside of me but either he didn’t feel it or didn’t care because he wasn’t taking his time. The harder he stroked, the harder he squeezed my neck, he pushed me down further so that my back would arch more.

His breathing, his grunts, my hand hitting the wall trying to brace myself was all I could hear and then it was over.

He stepped back and I stayed with my face against the wall, pulling my skirt down and leaving my ripped panties on the floor. I wanted to turn around but I couldn’t face him.

“I’ll keep the account with your company. If you want to branch out on your own I’ll back you.” He opened the door, the light from the hallway came blasting in. I didn’t even want to go to the bathroom and clean up. I picked my purse up off the floor and held my head up, forcing myself to look him in the eyes.

“Thank you.” I didn’t recognize my own voice. All I recognized was the throbbing between my legs and pulsating pain through my wrist.

I stepped into the hallway, he rubbed the back of my arm and I turned around. “I’ll expect this arrangement to continue once a month and next time I want you to look me in my eyes when I’m inside you.” He let the door close and I knew things would never be the same.

But did success come without sacrifice?

6 Things I Love About the Women in My Generation

Demez F. White

Demez F. White

6 Things I Love About the Women in My Generation
Often I read about what the women in my generation aren’t. They aren’t like our mothers or grandmothers, they don’t cook, want to go out every other night. Would rather work towards being a CEO than a wife. You talk to one guy and it’s, “All women want to shake their ass, all women want to be like men.” You talk to another guy, “Women don’t care about marriage or love, they just want a guy with money or they want to lead the household.”

All of this has a little truth to it but there are way more good apples out here than bad. Women in our generation simply have more options. We love to romanticize the way things were in the 60’s-80’s but what we don’t talk about is most of those women stayed in abusive, unhappy marriages and relationships because they had no choice. Our women have choices so they take advantage of them. I can respect that.

These are ten things I love about the women in my generation.

Six- Education- I love an educated women. I’m not going to be politically correct on this. I’m talking a woman that reads and has good study habits. A woman that takes pride in the grades she got and how hard she worked. The women in my generation have taken higher education to another level. Especially black women who are graduating college and going to grad schools at some of the highest rates this country has ever seen. That’s cool and sexy as hell!

Five- Aggressiveness- Twenty years ago, it was considered taboo for a woman to ask a man out on a date. To call first or often, to offer to pay for drinks or buy dinner; that isn’t the case anymore. I still think it’s up to us as men to set the standard and be the aggressor but it’s okay for a woman to make it happen every now and again.

Four- Sex Appeal- I can be hard on women that show too much, that tell too much. The world doesn’t need to see you in your panties or a dress that barely covers your ass cheeks but women today have a sense of sex appeal that women back then just didn’t have. Some take it to the extreme, others wear it just right.

Three- Ambition- I have no problem with a woman that wants to be a mother and wife and make that her career. That’s not easy. What women in my generation have that women in other times didn’t is the ability to take over the world! They own businesses, walk into companies in leadership positions. There’s no intimidation or fear when it comes to, “I know I can do this job!” I love that and women are only going to get more empowered as society grows.

Two- Family- In every family there’s one person that’s the go-to person. Someone everyone comes to when they need to talk or need money. It used to be the older brother or successful uncle. More and more often that person is becoming the single, successful woman in the family. She’s the one that has to look out for her nieces and nephews and brother. It’s not an easy thing to do, to take on that responsibility and still try and find your happiness. That’s so cool to me.

One- Diversity- You can’t put the women of my generation, of our generation in a box. A woman can be at a Drake or Jay Z concert on a Friday night taking shots and selfies and on Saturday morning be volunteering at Red Cross. She can talk to you about pop culture on a date and on that same date talk to you about how to better manage your 401k. In every civilization women have always been second class citizens. That’s not the case anymore, especially today, especially with the women that I know, that I respect. Most of them make more money than me, have the same wit and charm and humor as me. Not to mention they love scotch and a good cigar just as much.

For all the foolishness that we put on each other. For all the bad mouthing and self loathing we live in a generation of women that are tailor made that help us build Kingdoms. If we stop fighting with each other and mocking each other and looking for the worst in every person we meet, we can see it.

Demez F. Whtie

5 Traits Women Project That Makes a Man Take You Serious

9447548-fashion-sexy-women-clothes-detailWhat’s the difference between a man playing with a woman or killing time with her and actually taking her serious? All women aren’t created equal, some are more beautiful than others, some more ambitious, some funnier. There are still common denominators that tell us, “She’s not to be played with.”

FiveHonesty- If you want a man to take you serious, just be honest with him. If he asks you if you have plans on a Friday night and you have another date, tell him. He’s going to be pissed, jealous but he’s also going to realize you don’t have time to sit around waiting on him to pursue you like he should have been doing in the beginning. Either he’s going to pout and ask about the other man or he’s going to step his game up before you’re out of his reach. An honest woman is scary because she can bring out some insecurities but she can also make you realize that she knows she’s a catch and being on standby isn’t an option for her.

FourStandards– It’s perfectly fine to tell a man that you don’t do certain things. If he asks you to dinner or out for drinks ask him where you’re going. If it’s not somewhere that you’d normally go tell him to pick another place. If he only texts and you like talking on the phone, tell him to start calling more. There is a difference between being bossy or having unrealistic expectations and setting expectations and standards.

Three- Professional Goals– Potential is nothing but knowing someone is capable of not getting where they need to be. If a call you and you tell me you’re working or in meeting all day I can respect that. If I ask you out on a Thursday night and you tell me you have to be at work at 7 and you can’t have a late night I can appreciate that. Women that have a drive and determination to be successful professionally whether in a beauty shop, board room or fitness center just have a different aura. You value their time in a way that leaves no room for wasted energy.

Two- Maturity– Age is simply a number when you start talking women over 23. I’ve met women that are in their early 20’s that have dated men in their 40’s, engineers, CPA’s. They live on their own, dress in a professional manner during the day, dress sexy but respectable at night. Their voice, mannerisms, everything about them screams grown woman. You just approach them differently. On the flip side I’ve met women that are 30 plus that have no tact, no ambition, no sense of time and place. Men take women that project a certain maturity so much more seriously.

One (Drum Roll Pleeeeeeease)- Authenticity– It may take us a while to figure it out but and we may notice it the first night we meet you but there isn’t anything like an authentic woman. Someone that knows what she’s comfortable with and is good with that. I’ve ran across women that shop at thrift stores and Marshalls and garage sells and look like they could be on the cover of Vogue. They don’t have to pretend that it’s all Galleria all the time or seven hundred dollar heels or nothing. They don’t mind telling you about their boss that sucks or how they had to borrow some money from a friend until they got paid. Every one doesn’t have three months’ salary saved for a rainy day. Real is so underrated.


Legacies and Dreams…

Last week I was messing around with this website that does this face mash thing where they take two faces and create a baby. I thought it was the coolest thing in the world until I realized all the children looked the same no matter who the parents were. But it did get me to thinking, I’ve never really known my father on a personal level and I can’t say how that’s impacted me. I’ve had good role models in my life.

But I’m sure it has in some sense or another. How could it not?

I often think about my son though or who my son will be. I think the dream of any father, of any man is that your child becomes a better person than you were. Is that you leave him a legacy and a path that will allow him to be great. I don’t know who his mom will be let alone what he’ll look like or what his passions will be but I do feel like I’m creating a legacy for him.

Him being proud of me when the day comes is what matters to me most. Him standing up in a classroom and talking about how cool I am or how I read to him.

When I think of Dr. King on a personal level I think of the legacy he left his children, his wife. They had to share him with an entire community, a race, a cause. I’m sure he missed a lot of birthdays and little league games but it was for the greater good and how can you not be proud of that if you’re his children?

MLK had a dream that the world he came into wouldn’t be the same world his grandchildren came into to, that his children grew up in and that came to fruition. More than the speeches, the photos and the quotes is his sacrifice. Because not many are willing to give up what he gave up, to leave your family and peace for a greater good!

When I do have my son and I’m going on book tours or working crazy hours so that he could go to schools I didn’t go to or travel to places I couldn’t I want him to know this didn’t start with me. This started with the men and women that made these sacrifices in 1963, 1964, 1972… I want him to not only have a sense of what I’m giving up to make sure he becomes great but I want him to know what others before he was even thought of gave up.

Today isn’t just about celebrating a man, today is about remembering a legacy of selflessness that is rarely seen anymore. He didn’t run for office or try to build a mega church, he marched, turned the other cheek and pushed for real reform. And it’s not just about Dr. King, it’s about the countless others that were there with him.

My son will be a better man than me as I am a better man than my father. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about what could have been but I do I will forever have a voice. And for better or worse I will use it and I will make a legacy and I will keep fulfilling his dream!

Demez F. White