As Long As We’re Still In Love When We Fall Asleep

2015/01/img_0486.png As Long As We’re Still In Love When We Fall Asleep

No matter what happens just know when we close our eyes to go to sleep I won’t let you not fall asleep in my arms.

No matter how angry we are there’s no guarantee we’ll both wake up in the morning. For that reason alone we will talk about whatever is bothering us, hurting us, driving us apart and fix it before your head lies on my chest.

No matter how late I come home or what you don’t cook. No matter how many tears you cry or what words I say I won’t let you give up on our love because I won’t give up on you. I won’t give up on our love.

Life is too short to let pettiness come between us. Life is too short to hold a grudge with a woman whose skin I adore, whose taste I’ve become addicted to. Whose essence and scent have become as much a part of me as the blood that flows threw my veins.

We will not go to sleep mad at each other. On my life and everything I am as a man I swear this.

That Awkward Moment I Realized My Friend May Hate Women

That Awkward Moment I Realized My Friend May Hate Women

I’m a fan of Law and Order SVU, I can watch that show every day, re-run after re-run. There’s just something really interesting about the criminal mind to me, how are you wired so differently from the rest of us? I see characters that are rapists, murders, molesters, serial cheaters and in most cases they genuinely hate women. There’s no hope for these men, the honest truth is either you lock them up or they’re going to hurt people again.

So when I write about my friend “hating” women I’m not talking to the extent of Ted Bundy or one of those weirdo’s that sleeps with women to give them HIV. I’m talking on a level I can’t quite understand but I’m starting to see more and more.

Women are talkative by nature. You put a group of women at a girl’s night or in a beauty shop and they’ll gossip. I’ve always felt like there’s nothing the matter with it, it’s just what they do. Men should be different though. Don’t get me wrong, we talk to each other, we share things that we probably shouldn’t be sharing but it’s usually with guys we’re cool with. Our brothers, best friends, guy’s we work with everyday. When I see men start to develop the same habits women have I have to question why? There’s this anger, this resentment that’s bubbling and I just don’t get it.

This is what every guy understands from the 2nd grade on; when the pretty girl with the two perfect ponytails doesn’t get you a lollipop for Valentines. All women aren’t going to like you, they all aren’t going to find you attractive or funny or charming. They’ll be some that just don’t like you period, they may not even know why they don’t like you. What you can’t do is take it personal. What you can’t do is take it out on “all” women. Don’t be that guy that throws around generalizations and bitterness and is just angry. For every woman that doesn’t return your call or that calls too much there’s several that will get it just right. I’m willing to give my friend or any man the benefit of the doubt after they’ve been betrayed or hurt or lied to or lied on but at some point you can’t be that guy that hates women.

What I’ve learned and of course it took me awhile is that the best thing you can do when you feel rejected or played or frustrated is be cool. Some woman lied on you, laugh about it. You ask two women out and they happen to be friends, apologize and keep it moving. You won’t win going back and forth, do you want to be that guy that’s arguing with women that you don’t even like?

Do I know for a fact my boy hates women, of course not but I do know something just isn’t right. I hope he finds his way in life and gets past whatever this is that makes him write stupid comments on Facebook or post tacky pictures on Instagram.

Until then we shall see.

Late Night Thoughts

I don’t feel great right now. I’m sure it’s the flu but I haven’t had that in so long I can’t be 100% positive. Sitting on top of I-10 watching my crew work all I want is for them to finish so I can go home and get in bed.

My grandfather has to have another surgery tomorrow because the leg they cut off isn’t healing. The last time I saw him it took everything in me not to cry when he told me to go get his wheelchair so he could go home. I feel like they’re just gutting him piece by piece and the shit is eating me up inside!

Yesterday when I got off I saw my grandmother next door cleaning her flower beds. I got some trash bags and went over to start picking up the stuff she trimmed. I got Ethan out the house and told him that men help in the yard. He took it so serious. His dad isn’t around and I feel like its my responsibility to teach him. I gave him two dollars and told him he did a great job, he lit up. That made my day.

My aunt is always talking about taking them and moving far away. That scares the hell out of me; those kids saved me. Added years to my grandparents lives.

Pillow talk. I miss that so much, I should be having that instead of writing. I’m 30 and there are days where I feel like Superman and days where I feel like an utter fucking failure. I keep waiting for that person to tell me I’m not and I believe them.

I can see myself becoming mean, becoming recluse and I know if I don’t fix it quick something bad will happen.

Just pray for me.