I Want to Catch You Everytime You Fall- Love Letter #14

2015/01/img_0629.jpgDear Future Wife,

On this Valentine’s eve I just want to say good morning, I know it’s early but I couldn’t really sleep last night. I’ve read so much about Valentine’s Day this week and about whether or not it’s relevant to a relationships interest. I can’t speak for anyone but myself but I love the idea of celebrating love. I love the idea of celebrating anything.

This is the thing, I’m the sort of man that takes pride in making my woman fall every chance I get. You get a two dollar raise at work and call me at lunch, we’re going to dinner that night. You get an A on a test I know you’ve been studying hard for, I’m buying you a cupcake with a candle just so you can make a wish that you make an A on the next test. Love isn’t perfect and it’s unique to every situation but one thing that love is; love cares more about us than it does them. Maybe Valentine’s Day is commercial and exploits the loneliest of us. I can see that but maybe it also brings out the lover in the best of us.

I will stumble and fall, I’m still learning to love, still learning to be the man I know I can be. The same way I’m willing to catch you when you fall and give you the world is the same way I’d hope you never give up on me. I have no desire to say goodbye. No desire to pretend that I’m this cool guy that doesn’t care or is excited at the thought of not spending any money on February 14, 2015. I’d rather be spending tonight watching scary movies, grocery shopping so we can eat a dinner we prepared together and wake up seeing your face. A day to celebrate love, I’m here for that.

There’s no desire in me to try and convince anyone that they should buy flowers and candles and cuddle naked eating candy. No, that’s on each individual relationship. All I’d like for you to know is that when our day comes, when you and I are best friends and nothing or no one else matters in those moments we’re laughing and looking into each other’s eyes just know days like today and tomorrow when you’re not here are going to make me appreciate you that much more.

Love Always and Forever,

Demez

10 Reasons Why I Believe I’m Falling In Love With You

Common-Romantic-Regrets One- I check your Facebook every day. Not really to see who you’re talking to or what guys are saying but just to look at pictures, to see your face. I like seeing your face, seeing your smile.

Two- When you call my entire personality changes. I smile more, I don’t get out the truck, I blow off work for twenty minutes, your voice makes me realize just how much nothing matters more than talking to your pretty ass.

Three- I love your ambition, I find myself talking about you to strangers just because you’re you.

Four- I could care less about having sex with you, our conversations are enough. The way you stimulate my mind means more than any woman has ever done to me physically.

Five- When I write it’s you I see.

Six- The things that make me ignore most women, complaining, whining, crying, all those things bring me closer to you. They make me want to spend more time with you.

Seven- I watch you sleep, not in a creepy way or Silence of the Lambs way but just in a way that brings me comfort. I wonder what you’re dreaming about. I like pulling you close and having you sink your body into mines.

Eight- I have a feeling that when you’re completely into me the amount of freaky and sexy in you will turn me out. It will change my life.

Nine- I love your simplistic beauty.

Ten- Loyalty. To your friends, to your family, to me. Even though we haven’t known each other for long I love how you’re willing to have my back. I love how you talk to me and see me in a way that makes me feel like you care. I know you care. I’m falling in love with you and I don’t care who knows it.

Five Steps to Forever

I feel youStep One- When You Least Expect It

(Her Words) They always say it will happen when you least expect it. My mother always told me that when I became solely focused on bettering myself and my situation, is when the proverbial “He” would walk in. But honestly before I met my “He”, I never thought that this approach would work for me.

(His Words) No matter how many conversations I have or how many women I date the same feelings always arise. Is she the one for me? Can I make her happy? Can I spend forever with her? I had a conversation with my grandfather once where he told me, “Don’t ever trip over one woman because there are too many out there for that.” For so long I lived by that until I realized that approach wouldn’t work for me. It wouldn’t work for me because one woman is all I’ve ever needed.

Step Two- The Unexpected Date

(Her Words) Every woman likes the anticipation and excitement of the first date. The choosing of the outfit and the fretting over the hair and makeup are oftentimes better than the date itself. Women tend to build up the whole evening in our minds. We imagine that he will show up with flowers, have the whole evening planned to suit our specific tastes, and be the perfect gentleman. However, when our prince reverts to a frog, the excitement quickly turns to disappointment.

I have heard that friends make the best lovers. It can be hard to imagine but now I understand. How do you transition from telling him about all of your man problems and woes, to him being the source of them?

(His Words) It wasn’t supposed to be a date. There were supposed to be fifteen people there but when I arrived it was just her. Just her smile, just her hair, just her eyes. I can’t say I was nervous or scared or anything but comfortable. This wasn’t supposed to be a date but how could it not feel like one with me being with the most beautiful woman in the room. She was funny, charming, soft, polite, she even bought my movie ticket. It wasn’t supposed to be a date but five hours later, a bottle of wine and countless smiles and laughs it was the best date of my life.

Step Three- Falling in the Moment

(Her Words) The ultimate sign that you are on the right path is when you experience what I like to call flow and what the Buddhist call Nirvana. When you experience it once, you will go to great lengths to recapture that feeling. Work and familial duties are neglected, an unwise lack of sleep becomes appealing, and you start receiving worried texts from your friends. Messages of concern and welfare checks replace happy hour and girls night invitations.

(His Words) One text turns into one conversation, one conversation turns into four hours of conversation. It’s 4am and you realize you still don’t want to get off the phone. It’s 4am and you realize it’s been a decade since you’ve talked to a woman for this long. No matter how much you yawn or look at the time you don’t want to be anywhere else but in that moment with her. That moment is me falling and falling feels like the best uncertainty in the world.

Step Four- The Heart Wants What It Wants

(Her Words) When it’s right, you know. The superficial list of what you thought you wanted and what you thought you needed becomes like a seed that blows away in the wind. When your heart meets its complement, you know. You feel so comfortable that spending time together becomes second nature. It feels good. It feels natural. It fits you. It suddenly and unexpectedly takes root and there is no turning back.

(His Words) “I hate to see you cry but I love to see her smile.” Andre 3000 said something like that and I can’t agree with him more. Canceling plans to be with her, ignoring calls to be with her, sitting at home writing and reading because when you’re falling no woman compares to the woman that has set up shop in your heart and taken a hold of everything you are. No matter how hard you try to rationalize that it’s too soon, that it’s too early to have these feeling, your heart wants what it wants and once that happens it’s no turning back.

Step Five- Déjà vu

(Her Words) They say that Déjà vu exists as a sign to show you that you are exactly where you are supposed to be, experiencing exactly what you are supposed to be experiencing, with exactly who you are supposed to be experiencing it with.

(His Words) Have I been here before? When I’m with her it reminds me of my dreams, it reminds me of my desires. It reminds me of moments that feel like the best times of my life. Kiss me under the light of a 1000 stars, the moon shining bright, her eyes sucking me in as though a meteor is bearing down on me. This feels like Déjà vu because this feels like the beginning steps to forever.

Losing You Made Me Better For Her

There are mornings I wake up and I see you in front of me wrapped in a towel fresh out the shower.

There are mornings I’m cooking breakfast when I get off work and I want to come in the bedroom, kiss you on your cheek and tell you to come eat before it gets cold.

I miss you or maybe I miss the things we did or maybe I miss the way you made me feel or maybe I just miss having someone.

Writing in the morning I have visions of you sneaking up behind me, pushing my chair back, moving my laptop and sitting on the edge of my desk. Your robe parted, my hands cold so your thighs shivering at my touch.

Your scent natural and unique, your skin soft and inviting. Most mornings I don’t even miss sex, I just miss kissing your stomach and lying there, feeling your warmth. Being consumed by the storm your presence brought to my life. I needed to lose that storm, I needed to fall into abyss to realize what I had. I won’t mess up next time, I know this in my heart, in the depths of my soul.

Maybe it’s not fair but the next woman won’t have to deal with the mood swings, the insecurities, the fear of failure and regret I wore like a backpack full of bricks. Your smile was so perfect, your laugh, your lips. I don’t miss kissing you, I miss that moment right before a kiss when you know it’s coming and your heart beats just a little bit faster. The next her will feel my presence in everything she does because I’ll make myself so memorable and honorable that her heart will beat for me like it has never beaten for another man. I owe that to my failure with you.

I won’t take her for granted when she tells me she just needs to feel like we’re progressing. I won’t turn to readers and alcohol and groupies when she’s too tired or working or needs her space. I’ll be everything to her that I wasn’t to you because I don’t ever want to see hate in another woman’s eyes that’s because of me. I want her tears to come from orgasms she can’t control and joy she can’t hide. Not heartbreak and fear and rage. We will fight over the remote, not because I didn’t come home.

Do I have regrets? Everyday and everyday I’m learning to move on from those regrets. There’s a part of me that’s still closed off and that scares me because I want to give my all. The all I didn’t give to you. You made me better and I just want to thank you for that. I still check up on you from time to time. I may not call or text but know I’m watching, I’m here, if you ever need anything.

~ 20140822-233539.jpgDemez

Wantfulness…

dress-naked.jpgI honestly don’t know which I enjoy more. Taking a woman’s clothes off or watching her put them back on. I know it’s a Sunday and I hope the Lord forgives me for these explicit thoughts that are in my mind but for some reason I can’t stop thinking about sex.

This could be a product of our oversexed society or this could be a product of me not being inside of a woman for awhile but either way these thoughts are driving me crazy. So instead of going thru my phone and making a call I shouldn’t or watching porn I’ll write about it.

Lying in bed, my back against the headboard, music playing. The ceiling fan blowing what feels like hot hair because I can’t get my heart beat to slow down. Watching a woman stand there naked, not really sweaty but not really dry if that makes sense. A glow on her face, stepping inside of her panties or putting them in her purse. The curvature of her ass and hips befitting of the moment, hard nipples that haven’t realized the pleasure has come to an end.

Flash backs of the intense and nasty moments playing in my mind as she tries her best to fix her hair. Me trying my best not to pull her back on the bed and do what both our bodies are screaming for us to do. There’s not a thin line between desire and patience, the line is thick and welcoming. Once the flood gates to desire open there’s not really any turning back. I’ve written this a dozen times, sex was made for marriage because there is nothing on this earth more powerful. No feeling draws you in as deep as the feeling of wantfulness.

How Does It Feel?

1 hot sex I knew she was mad at me, I knew she was trying to prove a point. We were both prideful and stubborn and mean when we wanted to be. I fired the first shot by telling her I was taking someone else to the concert since she didn’t know if she would be back in town in time. It was petty, I could have waited but I needed her to know that my life didn’t revolve around her.

“Who are you taking then?” Was the text she sent me five minutes after she hung up in my face; The truth was I had no idea who I was taking but sometimes the less you say, the bigger the statement.

“I’m taking a friend. I’ll see you Monday.”

I was expecting a smart comeback or a couple curse words, a couple of threats but nothing. Finding a date wasn’t hard when you have concert tickets to Babyface and reservations to a 4 star restaurant, it was finding a date that looked as good or better than the woman you were dating. At 30 I was probably too old to be playing these games but if she was forcing me to play I may as well play to win.

Setting it all up, apologizing for calling her so late and trying to convince her she wasn’t short notice, she agreed. Not knowing she was a pawn in a cat and mouse game, backing out my driveway my phone vibrated several times in a row.

Curiosity got the best of me so I picked it up to the FB notifications and realized I’d been tagged in several pictures of her in Vegas. Most of them were with her girls and then there were the three with her and a guy. Sitting by the pool, sitting at the craps table, a group picture at dinner.

“I guess you’re not the only one that can have friends and guess what, he’s from Houston too.”

That’s what her text read as I was knocking on my new date’s door. Whatever childish ambitions I had of making her jealous backfired on me and now I could barely think straight. Rushing thru dinner, ignoring my date thru most of the concert, trying my best to not look at my phone or call and go off. I told her we needed to leave early so we wouldn’t be stuck in the parking garage for an hour and she liked me so she didn’t question it.

A part of me felt sorry for the way I was treating her, I tried to justify that I paid for dinner and kept asking her if she needed anything but there was no justification for the distance and silence. As soon as she walked into her apartment and I knew she was safe I started to drive towards Kats blowing her phone up.

“Who was the guy in the picture?”

“Did you know him before you went to Vegas?

“Did you fuck him in Vegas?!”

The more questions I asked myself the angrier I got. The angrier I got the faster I drove, especially since she wasn’t answering my phone calls. Usually you couldn’t get into her complex without someone buzzing you in but the security guard at the gate knew my face so he just waved me in. Not even bothering to park on the 5th floor to avoid getting towed I parked on her floor and walked to her door with a purpose!

I started to bang on the door but realized where she lived and thought better of making a scene so I knocked lightly. My watch said midnight but I knew she was up because she was still posting pics on Instagram.

“Who is it?” Came from behind the door even though I knew she was looking thru the peephole.

“Open the damn door Kat!” I was trying to be cool about it but even hearing her voice had me hot!

“I don’t usually have visitors this time of night, can you come back tomorrow.” Her tone was extra icy but I knew her and I knew she wanted me to beg. That was our relationship, it was about power. One of us was always fighting to have the upper hand. On most days I would have left not feeling like playing the game but tonight I needed answers.

“I’m sorry for coming over so late, can you please open up so we can talk?”

She opened the door in one of my t-shirts that barely covered her panties. The apartment was dark except for the TV that was on mute and the candles burning. Her iPad and iPhone were sitting on the couch next to a blanket.

“Who the hell is the guy in the picture?” She crossed her arms and leaned against the door.

“Who is the bitch you took to see Babyface tonight?! And don’t come in my house questioning me!”

I took a deep breath and poked her in the head with my finger, “Who is the guy in the fucking pictures?!”

Before I could duck she slapped me and started to swing, grabbing her arms and pinning her against the wall she couldn’t move but kept trying to knee me. Her chest was heaving up and down, she started to cry but wouldn’t stop trying to kick me. I’d hurt her feelings and she’d hurt mine and now here we were at midnight putting our hands on each other. “I’m sorry I took someone else to the concert okay.” I don’t know what made me apologize, maybe it was the tears in her eyes or the guilt or the fear of her being with another man.

“Fuck you, if you let me go I’m going to stab you. I hate you!” Holding her wrist with my left hand, I put my right hand under her shirt and rubbed her nipples before I kissed her, she bit my lip. She wasn’t trying to get loose, she was still cursing me but her body was reacting to me. Letting her go and falling to my knees and put her leg over my shoulder and kissed her thru her panties, I bit her thru her panties, I licked her thru her panties. She was soaking thru them, “just take them off, I still hate you!” Her arms were still high above her head and her shirt sat above her breasts. “I didn’t fuck him, I didn’t even give him my number but I should have! You better start acting right or I swear I’m going to let another man taste this pussy!”

Pulling the panties to the side I stopped playing with it and started apologizing properly. She was using my ears to guide me, the wetter she got the more she cursed me, the more she told me she loved me. Ten minutes ago I thought I was going to break up with her, now I couldn’t remember what I would do without her. Standing up, ripping off her panties, she wrapped her legs around me and I went inside of her.

“I won’t fuck up again baby! I promise! I promise! I’d kill you and him if another man touches this!”

“Don’t give another man a chance to touch this then…” She could barely talk for her moaning but I could hear every word she was saying clearly. Standing straight up I was trying to plant a flag inside of her!

“Cum in me baby! Cum in me!” It was first time she’d ever said the words to me and we’d had plenty of drunk sex and intense sex. The words weren’t lost on me.

My Girl Has A Girlfriend…

“We’re not doing this in our bed. Don’t think too hard, don’t call me. Just meet me at the Magnolia Hotel, the front desk will tell you what suite.”

The note was pinned to the refrigerator. Written in red lipstick on pink paper. I read it three more times to get some clarity but the more I read it the more my mind was going crazy.

“We’re not doing this in our bed?” Was it syrup or whipped cream? Was it going to get that messy?

A quick shower, traded in my steel toe boots and polo shirt for a light sweater and slacks. Don’t call, don’t text is what she wrote. She wanted me to lose my mind thinking, she wanted me to be surprised.

Valeting my truck, ignoring the increasing thunderstorm falling down I walked in the lobby. Told the man behind the counter my name and he smiled and told me the suite was on the 5th floor. It was the only one on that floor so I couldn’t miss it.

For whatever reason his smile had me wondering what he’d seen that had him giggling.

Knocking on the door, smoothing out the cashmere, I stepped back from the door when a woman that wasn’t my wife opened the door.

“I’m sorry. I must have the wrong room.”

She laughed and reached for my hand, “You don’t remember me do you? We met at Whitney’s graduation party and we’re FB friends. You have the right room.” I let her take my hand.

“We’re not doing this in our bed.” The words made sense now. The woman in front of me who’s name I still couldn’t remember was gorgeous. A short hair cut, toned body, full breasts. She wasn’t naked but I could tell she wasn’t wearing much under the short silk robe. And from the two bottles of empty wine on the table I could tell she was tipsy.

“Where’s Whit?”

“She’s went downstairs for a massage. She wanted us to talk first, she wanted to make sure you like me. Said you may not feel comfortable?”

“I am a little surprised but I’m not uncomfortable. Did you and my wife do things like this before we were married?”

She sat on the bed and sat Indian style, she definitely wasn’t wearing anything under the robe.

“Your wife has always been the life of the party and the leader in the room. Me and Whit have had some adventures. After school I put up my laptop, cell and traveled the world. Half my family thought I was dead, I got back and found out Whit was yours and not mines anymore. I’m your wife’s ex- girlfriend and she brought me here today to give her husband an early Christmas gift.”

She stood up from the bed and let the robe fall to the floor. Like it was all planned or just perfect timing my wife walked thru the door and kissed me on the lips. Stepping out of her tank and sweats she pulled the woman close and kissed her like I’d only ever seen her kiss me. Turning her around, standing behind her I watched as she traced her body and and sucked her neck. She was in complete control. Don’t just stand there husband, she’s your too tonight.

To Be Continued…