Fall Is Falling In Love Season

Can I be honest with you all for a minute?

I’m not afraid of talking about love or feelings or fears. I’m an adult, adult’s talk about these things. There are plenty of guys that want to be the coolest or hardest in the room, that’s not me. I’m not built like that, I cook and write and flirt and love the little things that make women women. That’s who I’ll always be and I thank God for that.

Living a life where I’m anything or anyone else would make no sense.

Every season is falling in love weather. You can’t control when you meet someone and everything starts to make sense. But something about the fall is just sexy to me. I have better days when the sun isn’t shining as hard and the nights are cooler. I tend to be on my phone less during the day because I actually enjoy working outside.

No matter how cool technology gets it will never compare to the feel of body heat next to you on a couch or porch when that first Fall breeze hit your face. When you have those moments of peace, conversation and attraction falling in love is the most natural vibe in the world.

We fall in like during sunshine and falling leaves. We fall in love when the sun goes down and it’s not quite cold enough for a sweater but just cool enough for her to sit under me because she has goosebumps. When the seasons change so do our outlooks. With beautiful weather comes beautiful memories and with beautiful memories comes sensations that make our lives matter.

I’m sure a lot of people that’ll read this love summer, short dresses, late nights after day parties and summer vacations. I’d never knock summer but Fall is when I feel most alive and how can you not fall in love when you feel alive.

It’s cool to be cynical and feel like love is an overrated word or romance is dead. If you feel that way I can’t blame you because you’ve dealt with stressful men or women in your life. But if you are that person, all I can say to you is to not let that taint the season coming up.

Picnics in the park where the bugs aren’t as bad and the sun isn’t as dreadful. Late night drives to Galveston where you can’t tell just how dark the water is or just how rocky the sand can be.

Stop letting the past haunt you and say yes to whatever guy asked you out last week. Say yes to whatever woman is throwing signs at you but she may not be your type. Say yes to making memories and maybe falling in love.

 

 

 

Demez F. White  winter

Closed Mouths Don’t Get Fed; If You Want Something, Just Ask

fullsizerender2Let’s say you really want to go to a concert or sporting event and you go on Ticketmaster or House of Blues and the event is sold out? What’s the first thing you do if you really want to go? You get online and you look for tickets being sold outside the venue. Why don’t we do that in real life when dealing with real people?

I’ve noticed something, too many people have become too cool to be excited about other people’s blessings. Or maybe it’s simply selfishness. Let’s say I have a friend that’s getting married and they don’t invite me to their wedding but I really want to go. Now I’m a logical man, weddings cost money and we aren’t great friends but I really like this person and want to help celebrate their day. Instead of texting them, “You forgot my invite, lol.” Or making a Facebook post saying, “I guess everyone isn’t cool enough to come to everyone’s wedding.” Or something else that’s passive aggressive why not just call them?

We’ve become so afraid of rejection or feeling like someone may think we’re too pressed that we don’t want to be human. If I know we’re friends but I don’t make the wedding guest list what’s the matter with calling and asking if I can stop by the reception or asking if I can come to the bachelor party or engagement party? If a friend is having their child a birthday party and your child doesn’t get invited, maybe they didn’t have the money to pay for 10 kids at Chuckie Cheese, why not ask if you could pay for your child simply because you want to be there.

I’m not one of those men that pretend I’m too cool for social media. I post statuses, tweet, watch snapchat videos. They’re entertaining and it keeps me abreast of people’s lives that I probably wouldn’t know anything about otherwise. But social media has also made people weary of rejection. I saw an entire thread recently about whether or not a guy should “shoot his shot” and it took me a second to realize that simply meant, “Should a man ask a woman out on a date or for her phone number?” Think about that for a minute, the idea that a woman might say no is so terrifying that men are literally not even risking it. That’s absurd. We’ll fill out 45 job applications when we’re unemployed but if you’re lonely and want a life mate, you’re afraid to ask a woman out? Where in the world does that make sense?

All I’m saying is, rejection is going to happen in every aspect of life but at some point the risk will be worth the reward.

Stop Expecting Rewards for Doing What You’re Supposed to Do

dwhiteI was cutting the yard yesterday. I was weed eating and playing in the flower beds and I was filthy. My girlfriend saw me and said, “You’re filthy but you look cute.” Instead of saying thank you I replied, “I know. When a man is doing manly type work you’re supposed to be turned on by that.” Her response to my arrogance was “So you want me to give you credit for doing what you’re supposed to be doing?” I smiled and thought about that. Was I wanting credit for doing what I was supposed to be doing or was I just feeling good about doing something I said I would do?

A couple days ago I was getting my inspection sticker for my work truck and I was with this guy I was training. While we were there a woman walked in and she was attractive. She sat down next to me and I could tell she wanted to ask me something but she was hesitant. “They are telling me I need a new gas cap; they told me the same thing last year and I feel like gas caps don’t go bad in a year?” I told her just to tell them that she would take her car somewhere else and not to worry about it and I’m pretty sure they’ll chill. She did that and got her inspection sticker. She thanked me, I said no problem and I left.

The guy I was training said, “She seemed interested, why didn’t you get her number.” I told him I had a girlfriend and there was no need in making a new friend that was never going to be a friend anyway.

You don’t get medals for doing the right thing, there’s no “likes” or “retweets” or pats on the back. There’s simply piece of mind and knowing you can sleep at night or leave your phone unattended. There’s no gift cards or frequent flyer miles; there’s simply coming home from work and knowing your lights, water and gas will be on.

Expecting rewards for doing what you’re supposed to do is only going to break your heart and make you seek out something more. The reward for doing what you’re supposed to do is knowing you’ll never have to answer for doing something you had no business doing.

The Beauty Is In the Imperfections

20140623-125738.jpg The Beauty Is In the Imperfections

Attraction is one of the most raw qualities we have. You can’t control it, there’s no internal debates, you just see a person and know you want them.

Attraction is natural and understandable. What’s not natural nor understandable is degrading or insulting others. We throw around words like ugly, dumb, fat, gay, stupid and no matter if they’re said out of hate, sarcasm, humor or anger they leave mental and emotional scars.

Everyone is beautiful to someone even if that someone isn’t you. What I don’t understand is why people focus so much on who they aren’t attracted to? What’s the value in that? In telling a person they’re ugly or fat or stupid. Focus on what does attract you to someone, on what does make you happy.

It took me a long time to find out who I was.

I was born with a misshaped head, the doctors screwed up. It was literally crooked, warped, whatever word you want to use. For years kids mocked me, made fun of me. There were days I didn’t even want to go to school. I literally had to have my gallbladder removed from anxiety and eating problems. Ugly, weirdo, whop head. Kids are relentless and some adults. It got better over the years but that changed me. It made me appreciate nice people. It’s why I despise bullies and the cowards that ignore them. I fought back by learning to hide the hurt, by learning to be the smartest guy in the room, self deprecating. It’s why I started writing, an outlet.

Life is a gift and for years I felt sorry for myself. Oral surgery for better teeth, cologne, watches, clothes. Anything to cover what I thought were imperfections. My entire life I’ve been called smart, funny, manner-able and none of that compared to the first time a woman called me handsome. I didn’t even believe her. I’m confident now, secure but that are a lot of people that aren’t.

I fought a lot but it didn’t stop so I learned to use words. Really hateful words in an articulate way. Words that cut people at their core. I learned to hide the emotions that came from insults.

Let people be great. When you feel the urge to mock someone, compliment them. Love outweighs hate.

Demez F. White

Hoping This Letter Makes You Smile

Dear You,

I know you feel alone sometimes, I know the bed gets warm at night and you need someone to get up and turn on the fan. I know it gets cold and you need someone to cut off the AC.

Even when you stand in the chair, it’s still hard to reach that smoke detector but I’m here to tell you that everything will be okay. There’s a plan for you just like there’s a plan for me and we have to be patient.

Until that time comes for you to have happily ever after you need to work on YOU!

Make yourself the best man/woman you can be!

I’m not writing this as an expert in what it takes to make people happy; I’m no one’s expert. I’m writing this as a man that feels just as alone in this world as you do. I’m writing this as someone that has just as many bad days as I have good days.

I can tell you this; I don’t let those bad days define me and you shouldn’t let them define you either. So whatever is going on in your life, good or bad, embrace it and take a positive approach on making it better.

Smile, there’s someone or something out there that will make your day and that smile could be the difference between him/her saying hello and the start of a great love story or him/her walking off.

Romance or Finance. Happiness comes when we embrace opportunities and every day we wake up and have life in our lungs is an opportunity.

Sincerely Yours,

Demez

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What’s Worse than the Friendzone? The “You’re Better than Nothing Zone”

R.I.P Cupid

R.I.P Cupid

What’s Worse than the Friendzone? The “You’re Better than Nothing Zone”

“He is not my first choice for a Valentine but at the moment he asked I had no other options. And I think it’s sweet that he asked. I’m not interested in him. Not attracted to him. He’s cool though. I need a gift that says “Thanks for the movie and dinner. You are not getting a kiss when it’s over, but I really appreciate hanging with you. This date doesn’t mean anything to me besides confirming that you are cool.” C.R.

I won’t use her name to protect the innocent but I read this post today on one of my social media networks. The post itself made me take a step back and look at my computer but it was the several hundred comments that really got my attention. Women didn’t seem to have a problem with it while men were literally outraged that this poor guy was going to go home with not so much as a kiss or even aware that he was literally “better than nothing.”

Over the past couple of years the friendzone has become a place men go when the woman they desire doesn’t want to date them but still hangs out with them. In essence it’s become a bad thing but the truth is it’s not that bad. Developing friendships can help us socially, professionally, emotionally and even romantically. Once you get past the fact you won’t see her naked or feel her lips you can embrace knowing you’ve met someone you can have drinks with and talk to, there’s no pressure once you’ve established what lines won’t be crossed. Who knows, after a year or so maybe things progress pass friendship. That’s not the case at all with the, “You’re better than nothing zone.” There won’t be a comfort level, there’s no sexual tension or intense moments up against the car. You’re just a guy, a warm body that’s better than her watching Lifetime or hanging out with that bitter girlfriend that just got dumped.

Men and women have completely different mindsets when it comes to dating and matters of the heart. Most of the women seemed to think it was perfectly fine that she was entertaining this man she had no interest in. “At least he has a foot in the door,” “Maybe he can charm his way into her liking him.” The men were more straight forward, there’s no point if there’s no interest.

No matter how the date works out the point is still the same, he isn’t going to have sex on Valentine’s, there will be no kiss and no lap dance. No being invited in for a night cap while she gets more comfortable. For as much as Valentine’s day is about romance and love and sexy nights it’s about the potential for more.

The “free food” guy gets called when she’s hungry and doesn’t feel like cooking or doesn’t have any money but at least she probably likes him.

The “booty call” guy at least gets sex.

The “friendzone” guy literally has her trust, concern and friendship. She’ll introduce him to other women, call and ask if he needs anything before she comes over.

Then there’s the “better than nothing” guy and for him there’s really no peace. All he can hope is that she doesn’t stay on her phone all night and that she doesn’t order too many drinks. After all, who wants to pay for all those drinks if you don’t have tipsy sex?

5 Reasons Girly Girls Are Perfect…

5: Pretty nail colors. Toes or feet or both. Tiffany Blue, Cotton Candy Pink, Lavenders and Light Yellows. God created OPI for a real reason! I’m a sucker for seeing a pretty hand wrapped around a pretty glass. Or a cute set of colorful toes on my hardwood floors. It’s a lot of maintenance but it’s worth it.

4: I see women in sun dresses all the time and I appreciate the look of a cute sun dress. But what I’ve become really fond of on pretty women is rompers. Especially strapless ones, you have naked shoulders, thighs, an exposed neckline. And the material can vary from casual linen to nightwear. Girly girls can get away with this because men love simple sexy.

3: Understanding time and place in reference to shoe/makeup. When I, Demez White, say girly girl I’m not simply talking about women in general that are feminine. I’m speaking on women that just get it. Certain shoes go with certain weather. Lip gloss is more than adequate for 96 degree Texas weather. I don’t care how attractive a woman is, having a fully made face to hang out on a deck and watch college football at 4pm is not sexy.

2: There is a thin line between vulgar/sweet/boring/goofy. Girly girls walk these lines with their pretty toes and perfect teeth with ease. I can’t stand loud women or women that talk like men. You can be ‘one of the guys’ and still be ladylike. Cute shorts and a UT baby tee, trash talk and beer get you boo status. This thing where you’re the loudest woman in the room. No thanks.

1: Girly Girls are perfect because God didn’t create those perfect bodies to not be perfectly groomed. Most men I know pay bills or trick or get jealous because despite what you’re dateless homegirl thinks women are highly valued to us. Especially the women that make every head turn whether it’s in the gym or Escalantes.