Dear HBCU Presidents; Do Better!

trump blackDear HBCU’ Presidents,

Do Better!

There are very few institutions that represent what it means to be a black man or woman in America like the Historically Black College. It’s a place where kids had to go because schools like the University of Texas and Baylor wouldn’t accept them. Out of hate and bigotry rose Texas Southern University, Prairie View A&M University and countless other colleges throughout the south.

Colleges that gave young men and women pride, opportunity, a place to be amongst their own and thrive. Where has that pride gone? Why can it be found in twenty three year olds but not in the men and women that have risen the ranks to run these colleges?

Donald Trump is the President of the United States and we have to accept that but we don’t have to accept is his policies, his child like behavior and the unqualified and ill-intentioned people he has put into office.

Explain something to me because I am genuinely baffled. On February 28, 2017 over 80 Presidents of HBCU’s met with Trump and they were treated no better than tourist. Given a small speech, given a couple pictures and some lunch. No real conversation, no real change. A month later the Trump Administration questioned the need for HBCU’s and just this week word has come out that Trump wants to either defund or reduce funding for HBCU’s but you still want to reach out your hand to members of his administration?

I respect the work ethic of the generation that came before me but I cannot and will not respect men and women that are selling out the integrity of their schools for a check or photo op. Stop allowing people in high places to use you.

These young kids are not willing to sit back and accept it. You can’t charge them for degrees and make them work and struggle only to tell them that they have to do as you say or else.

Stop Waiting Until You’re the Best Version of Yourself Before You Let Someone Love You

thumbnail_img_2527 Yesterday I saw a lot of people that weren’t feeling Valentine’s Day. I’m not here to jump inside the minds of these people but I do know a lot of them didn’t seem very happy. Some were bitter, some were down right mean and a lot were genuinely sad. The ones that stuck out to me the most were the ones that want all of us to know they’re waiting on themselves. “What’s the matter with me building myself up and finding myself before I find love?”

I feel like being transparent today. The sort of honesty that’s uncomfortable but necessary at times. I think it’s bulls*it when I hear guys say, “I’m not trying to be in a relationship or date or take any women serious because I’m trying to get myself together first.” I think that’s bullsh*t because I was once that guy and the logic makes no sense. Think about it, women make us better, they always have. If you’re working and trying and you meet an amazing woman. Are you letting her go because you’re making salary instead of owning your own business? She’s probably the piece of the puzzle that’s going to get you your own business.

I can’t take any man seriously that’s afraid to love a woman. That’s afraid to be vulnerable, that’s afraid to take a chance on what could be the most amazing experience of your life. I see these guys that pretend they aren’t ready for anything serious because they simply want to be better prepared for their “future wife.” That would be noble if you weren’t sleeping with women, lying to women, leading women on. You can’t pretend to be this man of principle when you’re a whole man thot out here. It takes courage to stop looking for notches and options and to start investing in a dope ass woman.

Anything I write, I write from a place of experience. It’s not a good feeling knowing that there are women out there that really liked me and I was an ain’t sh*t dude to them. It’s not a good feeling having an amazing woman ride for me and people remind her of my past. These are things I have to live with and part of my journey is learning to forgive myself and being honest in my writing. It’s not okay to ignore love because you think you may find better or you want to go play. Grow up and when you have someone that makes your heart flutter and wants the best for you, take her hand and take that journey. Maybe it doesn’t work but you tried and you loved and you’ll crave that feeling again.

Yesterday was my two year anniversary and she’s pushed me in ways I didn’t know I could be pushed. That doesn’t mean there weren’t times where I thought I would lose my mind but that does mean there has never been a time where I questioned whether or not she had my back. I’m a better man not just because I’m older or wiser but because I’m in a relationship that matters.

Relationships matter.

Don’t Give Boyfriends Husband Treatment <– Says Women Without Boyfriends

There’s no formula for being a good man or woman. Of course some traits are universal. Don’t be selfish, don’t lie, treat him or her like you want someone to treat your son or daughter. We can all agree that those general concepts make for healthier relationships. On the other hand what I’ve been reading a lot of lately is men telling women the following.

“Don’t give husband benefits to boyfriends.” I think that is a dangerous and costly way to look at a relationship. I spoke to a woman last night and we had a conversation about this. Giving someone 100% as their girlfriend doesn’t mean you’re giving them “wife benefits.” It means you’re giving your all because you need to see if this is really what both of you want.

I asked her simply, “Have you seriously dated anyone since your divorce?” Her response was something to this extent and I’m paraphrasing. “I have dated and they were all serious because if you don’t give 100% how can you expect a man to? This notion that you shouldn’t give your boyfriend husband treatment is crazy to me. If I go to his house and his fridge is a mess I’ll clean it out. If I’m spending the night I’ll buy better sheets. If he has a business and I see him working hard I’ll help him build it. You may call it treating him like my husband; I call it building a relationship and once I give my all and I see he isn’t ready for that or not giving his I can walk away with no regrets. I’m not saying we play house or do this indefinitely but I’m saying it works for me”

Often times when I write I try and be impartial but with this conversation I found myself agreeing with her logic because it’s a mindset I share. Do you know why they call it a courtship? It’s not only because the man is courting the woman but it’s also so that they can see what each other like, if they mesh. By giving all of yourself you aren’t really losing anything because it’s better than giving 50% and hoping that he or she knows there’s a prize at the end of the rainbow.

Another aspect we touched on is finances; because of her appearance a lot of men think that it’s about the money. “They see the car I drive or where I live and feel like, “She must be having a man take care of her,” not knowing that everything I have I worked for. I’ve dated guys that made six figures and were selfish and flashy and I’ve dated men that make twenty thousand and would give me their last. I make good money. Give me a man that makes 35k a year and it’s our 35k over a man that makes 250k and he’s selfish. I don’t mistake frugal with cheap or selfish by the way. If you’re saving and have a plan; you don’t have to wine and dine and spoil me but if you can spend your resources on everything but me. Then I have a problem.”

Standards. Standards are different for every woman. Some women ask very little and some ask a lot. In her case it’s a mix but a mix that works for her. “If you can get up and be at meetings with your clients 45 minutes before they start. If you can make it to the airport and to the gym and be this man that’s constantly impressive you need to be impressive for me also. Don’t show up late or cancel dates and constantly expect me to understand when you never do that for other aspects of your life.”

If there’s anything I want people to get from this article and this conversation it’s this. There is nothing the matter with seeing clothes in a basket and asking him if they are clean and folding them. It doesn’t make you naive or silly to look in his fridge and see beer, takeout and something that used to be an apple in the back and saying, “Let me get this man some groceries or cook him a real meal.” If I’m outside and you show up and I hear your brakes or see your car is dirty, It’s not treating you like my wife to wash it or to check and see if your brake pads are stripped. It’s treating you like someone that’s important to me. This concept that we shouldn’t “Give boyfriends/ girlfriends husband/wife treatment is implying that being giving and selfless has to be reserved for a ring.first dance ring

– Demez F. White