Belize: A Beautifully Lazy Place

Being a writer can be exhausting at times because I tend to overanalyze everything. From service being a tad bit too slow to the water being not quite fresh enough. So I made a promise to myself that this weekend I would do a better job of living in the moment. Instead of worrying about what’s not going right, I’m going to worry about what makes me smile.

Feeling my toes in the sand, the breeze on my face, all the things you feel when you’re not trying to feel.

Day one in Belize was all about getting settled in. It started at 4:30am in Houston with a plane to Miami, then a plane to Belize. When I arrived I was in relative shock at how small and intimate the airport was. The runway scenery was barns, livestock and grass. There was no air walkway, they pulled up steps to the plane. We walked off a 757 onto a runway that looked as if it was just built the day before.

Just to clarify, none of this felt like a bad thing. It all felt organic, everyone was laid back and happy to arrive. It didn’t have the normal anxiety and hustle of a regular airport.

The information I received told me that the resort would be about a 15-20 minute ride from Belize City but that doesn’t really prepare you for what’s about to come. From the airport you board a single engine plane that holds around 12 people. The seats are small and every ounce of the plane is accounted for, even the co-pilots seat.

After the plane ride, which will feel as though you’re literally flying on the wing of a commercial airplane, you’re transported to a boat. The first thing I noticed was how amazingly beautiful the water was and the smell. The scent smells like what you think the ocean should smell like. The boat ride feels as though you’re going somewhere that’s a secret, somewhere undiscovered by chains and corporations.

The moment I arrived there was hotel staff waiting on me with a drink and outstretched hands. There are no cars out here, no loud music, no yachts with partying college kids. This isn’t that type of place. This island, this resort, this vibe, it’s for couples and families that want to get away from the noise. I was on the plane with a family of six from Wilmington, North Carolina that was here for a week of fishing and deep see diving. A couple I met at the pool was here to go cave hoping in the Mayan Ruins. You won’t find luxury shops and town cars, most people get around on golf carts and bicycles. There’s only three streets in the entire city.

Day one in Belize was quiet, nothing overwhelmed me but nothing underwhelmed me. For a man that takes solace in that, I can’t complain.

4 Reasons Your Phone Is Stopping You From Finding Your Soulmate

TextingandDatingThe hierarchy of things I need to leave to the house.

My keys.

My cell phone.

My cell phone charger.

I’m not going to be the writer that gets online and pretends my phone isn’t my lifeline to the outside world. It’s my calculator, my therapist, my calendar, my house phone, work phone, entertainment, news and phone. However, what I’ve realized is that sometimes I just have to step away from it.

We’ve conditioned ourselves to think, “What if it’s an emergency?” When the truth is the majority of our times spent on our phones are on social media. Social media is an amazing invention. Dictators have been overthrown because of social media. Laws have been passed because of pressure from social media. We have our first black President because of social media but social media also has a downside.

That downside is why you need to put that phone down and learn to enjoy life.

Unreasonable Expectations– Too much time on social media will start having you believe you deserve or want something when the truth is you aren’t actually working to get it. I see guys share pictures of models every day and they start to believe they’re going to find that woman. Ignoring beautiful women they know or work with in hopes of running into that Instagram model. When the truth is you’re 32 making 32 grand a year and you have a belly. You’re just a like to that chick on Instagram but you follow her on your phone like she’s your woman. Stop it and go on a date with a woman that might actually respond to you if you messaged her.

Social Media Induced Depression– I saw a True Life episode about married couples that couldn’t have babies. You know the number one thing all the couples had in common besides infertility? They all had to get off Facebook because the post about babies was making them severely depressed. Social media can do that to you even if you’re a strong person. You see people that have things you want and you start to say things like, “I was smarter than her in high school, why does she have a degree and I don’t.” “I’m more attractive than him, why is she with him and not me.” Don’t become jealous over people whose lives you don’t know intimately. Put the phone down and make your own memories.

Human Interaction– Talking to people is good for the soul. You can’t spend all day surrounding yourself around the same people and think that you’re growing. It’s okay to talk to a stranger while you’re waiting in line or at the doctor’s office. Your co-workers might actually have interesting lives if you give them a chance. This interaction will lead to random conversations with women that may turn out to be who you’re looking for.

Actual Memories vs. Perceived Ones– You know the weirdest thing to me? It’s when I’m at a concert or basketball game and someone is literally watching the entire event through their phone. Not dancing, not singing, not yelling at the refs but getting recordings just to put online. I’m not talking once or maybe even twice but the entire night. You’re on a beautiful beach on vacation and the sun is bright, the water clear, your girl is tipsy and looking good in her bikini and you’re looking at all of it through a phone? Some moments are meant to be shared with the world and some moments are meant to be shared with each other.

Start making memories with your heart and not your phone.

Stop Expecting Her to Accept Your Apology; Start Expecting Her to Be Happy

Author Demez F. White

Author Demez F. White

Women have more respect for you when you’re genuine and this goes for every aspect of life. Do you love her? Do you want to protect her from anyone that talks about her or wants to do wrong by her? If the answer to those questions is yes, then why be insincere? If your woman puts on a dress that’s not flattering or a pair of jeans that do nothing for her shape, why tell her what you think she wants to hear? Do you want her going out with her friends, going to work, looking a mess? Because if you look her in the eyes and say, “Baby, you look amazing!” She’s going to believe you. When she walks into that office looking like a fool, that’s on you. Just be honest, “I don’t like the way that’s fitting you, what about that purple dress?”

If you’re going to apologize to a woman you hurt; stop expecting her to accept it. Stop expecting that all will be forgiven because you now feel remorse or understand what you did was wrong. Apologies are meant to let someone know that you are truly sorry and remorseful for what you did. They aren’t meant so that you can get your foot back in the door. They aren’t tools for longer conversations that you hope turn into dates that you hope make her remember what you used to have. Women respect sincerity, maybe she’ll never look at you like she once did. Maybe she’ll never hug you and melt because of your cologne or watch you sleep but she’ll respect you. Sometimes an apology isn’t a “Maybe we can be friends” but it’s an “Now we can finally move on.”

You know the best apology you can give a woman? It’s not words, it’s showing her that you’re the man she always thought you could be. Women are so cool because unlike men, their love doesn’t die but it transitions. She can not want you but can be happy that you’ve grown and will never treat another woman like you treated her. That lets her know she mattered, that you learned from losing her and because of her you became this man that she once loved the idea of.

The day I knew I grew up was the day I decided that not every wrong deserves an apology. Not every broken heart deserves a love letter. Letting someone go, letting them be happy, that’s you saying, “I’m sorry and I wish you a lifetime of love and happiness.” When you’re constantly trying to find ways to wiggle back into their lives for the same half -hearted apologies, you aren’t allowing them the chance to be happy.

Real love, that love that burns your chest when you can’t sleep. That love that causes food you used to love to taste like bile in your mouth. That love is reserved for the people we never want to see hurt. It’s reserved for the people that come into our lives like a tornado and rip away the memory of anyone that came before them. Love like that means you have to let them go.

There Isn’t A More Dangerous Drug Than Love

Last Night In Paradise

Last Night In Paradise

Have you ever seen someone trying to beat an addiction? Not on a movie or in a book but literally smelt, felt, saw that person not have control of their bodily functions. They couldn’t stop sweating, couldn’t stop scratching, couldn’t sleep. The intensity of the pain almost makes you want to go out and get them the drugs their body is so desperately craving. It’s a fate I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

Heroin, cocaine, alcohol, pills, there’s hundreds of drugs people can become addicted to and all of them have the ability to take your life or destroy your life but none of those drugs are as dangerous as love. Love separate’s itself because unlike crack or coke or even liquor love can’t be treated with medicine or rehab. There’s no 12 step program for getting someone out of your heart and your thoughts.

I once read that it takes twice as long as you were with someone to get over them. I’m not sure if that’s true but I wouldn’t doubt it, especially if the love was real. If it was intense and serious. The thing about love that we seem to forget is that it isn’t in our heads, love is an actual drug that seeps into our veins and it changes us.

When you feel like you’re about to lose that man or woman you love, your heart starts beating fast, your head hurts. You can’t hold any food down because you feel nauseous, all your energy is gone. Work doesn’t seem as important, family doesn’t seem as important. It’s almost as if your world stops at the thought of a life without them. That’s the effect love has on us, no other drug can do that.

You can get coke from a dozen different dealers. You can get liquor from a hundred different restaurants and stores. Most highs come in varieties but love is usually unique to one person. Think about that for a second; imagine having the flu and there was only one doctor on this earth that has the medicine you need. That’s love. There’s only one person that can stop the pain that started in your heart but that has taken over and paralyzed your body.

It’s okay to feel like you’re immune, like “That will never happen to me.” But if you’ve never felt the pain of love than you’ve never felt the pleasure of love either. If you’ve never felt the withdraws of someone you need to survive, than you’d never felt the high of holding a woman in your arms and feeling as though you don’t even need oxygen as long as the warmth of her breath is on your neck. Love is dangerous and cruel at times but that is only surpassed by the beauty of that same love.

4 Reasons Why Kissing Is Still the Pinnacle of Intimacy

Dope Instagram Pic 1. Soft lips still have to be the best cure for a long day. Trends change, styles change, but kissing a woman after a great first date or before you leave for work. That will never change.

2. We all remember our first kiss. Not the one when you’re at the 8th grade prom but that first real kiss when you feel something. Call it sparks, call it love, call it desire. That kiss that makes you want to hold her hand, that kiss that makes you forget time and space and you look up and it’s been two hours. No matter how old we get, those moments still exist.

3. Kissing is erotic but it’s also incredibly innocent. One of my favorite sermons is when my pastor said, “Don’t put yourself in situations where you can’t control your body and your desires. You can say you want to wait until marriage or don’t want to move fast but kissing on a couch in the dark at midnight isn’t going to help you reach that goal.” Kissing is what we make it. It can be a stolen kiss in the elevator leaving a movie or in a parking garage or it can be the introduction to something more.

4. There comes a time in a man’s life where he has to make a decision. Is this the woman I want to kiss for the rest of my life. Not just when there’s candles burning and R. Kelly playing but when she’s just gave birth to your child and it’s a kiss on the forehead. When she’s just finished jogging and is incredibly sweaty and it’s a peck on the lips letting her know you’re proud of her. A kiss on the back of her neck while you’re watching your son or daughter sleep. These are the kisses that define us. The kisses that we relate to moments we live for.

Seeing Tomorrow Today

My peace

My peace

I was working in Crosby today and right as the rain started to fall I had to take a phone call so I pull over on his old Fm road called 1942 and as I’m taking the call I look up and see this beautiful home being built in the distance. Now because it’s raining and I have no crews working I cut off my truck, put on my rain coat and start to walk towards the property. Close enough to get a look but not close enough to walk onto the property. The first thing that crossed my mind (and this is probably the construction guy in me) is that they had to build the entire home from scratch.

Not plug into the existing plumbing or water or gas or lights but literally build everything from scratch. That’s how it is in places that aren’t annexed. The more I’m looking at the detail of this house the more I’m impressed. Three stories, a beautiful golden color, lots of land around the house, at least two acres. I thought to myself, “What do these people do for a living that they can build such a beautiful home in the middle of the country but just twenty minutes away from the third largest city in the country?

Standing there, soaking wet, day dreaming but completely aware I just watched the guys rush to put up equipment and find cover and I wondered what it would be like to come home from work and stand where I’m standing watching them build my home, my family’s home?

One of my favorite movies is the Notebook, mainly because I’m a romantic and I won’t try and take up for the overly dramatic acting but I love the story it told. The story that true love isn’t about romance or desire but it’s about building something and sacrifice. Are you willing to build that dream home in hopes that your love is strong enough to withstand any storm that comes forth?

As I stood there realizing my phone was about 43 rain drops from being destroyed and my truck was about to get stuck in the mud I thought all this beautiful home is missing is one of those decks that wraps all the way around. I want one of those decks and I want to build one of these homes from scratch.

I love writing because it gives me the ability to go anywhere in the world at any given time with anyone I choose. But I also love writing because it will give me the ability to go anywhere in the world, at any given time with anyone I choose…. And I’ll have my perfect home in the country to come back to.

Be careful in this rain.

~ Demez

I Want to Catch You Everytime You Fall- Love Letter #14

2015/01/img_0629.jpgDear Future Wife,

On this Valentine’s eve I just want to say good morning, I know it’s early but I couldn’t really sleep last night. I’ve read so much about Valentine’s Day this week and about whether or not it’s relevant to a relationships interest. I can’t speak for anyone but myself but I love the idea of celebrating love. I love the idea of celebrating anything.

This is the thing, I’m the sort of man that takes pride in making my woman fall every chance I get. You get a two dollar raise at work and call me at lunch, we’re going to dinner that night. You get an A on a test I know you’ve been studying hard for, I’m buying you a cupcake with a candle just so you can make a wish that you make an A on the next test. Love isn’t perfect and it’s unique to every situation but one thing that love is; love cares more about us than it does them. Maybe Valentine’s Day is commercial and exploits the loneliest of us. I can see that but maybe it also brings out the lover in the best of us.

I will stumble and fall, I’m still learning to love, still learning to be the man I know I can be. The same way I’m willing to catch you when you fall and give you the world is the same way I’d hope you never give up on me. I have no desire to say goodbye. No desire to pretend that I’m this cool guy that doesn’t care or is excited at the thought of not spending any money on February 14, 2015. I’d rather be spending tonight watching scary movies, grocery shopping so we can eat a dinner we prepared together and wake up seeing your face. A day to celebrate love, I’m here for that.

There’s no desire in me to try and convince anyone that they should buy flowers and candles and cuddle naked eating candy. No, that’s on each individual relationship. All I’d like for you to know is that when our day comes, when you and I are best friends and nothing or no one else matters in those moments we’re laughing and looking into each other’s eyes just know days like today and tomorrow when you’re not here are going to make me appreciate you that much more.

Love Always and Forever,

Demez