4 Reasons Relationships Should Be Boring

Desserts from Perry's

Desserts from Perry’s

I’m boring.

Like I’m the guy that would rather have dinner at home or at a nice restaurant than go to that sky diving place or drive to Galveston in the middle of the night and jump in the water.

I’m simple.

It’s easy to hit home runs in a relationship. Buying plane tickets and hotel rooms for a vacation, coming home and surprising her with a new pair of shoes or flowers. It doesn’t take all that much energy or effort to be the man that hits home runs. What’s not as easy to do is to be consistent and nice and boring.

Relationships don’t thrive because of excitement or energy, it isn’t the ups and great moments that keep you wanting to come home right after work. It’s the good and boring moments that build that that friendship.

I- Modern Family- Quality time makes all the difference in the world when it comes to relationships and dating. It’s easy to spend time with someone but making the time matter is what builds a foundation and makes it interesting. One of our favorite things to do is sit down and watch Modern Family on DVR. A bottle of wine, some popcorn and laughing really, really hard. It’s not a date night on the water or putting stamps in a passport but it’s time spent that will put a smile on your face the next day.

II- Dancing- If there’s one thing in this world I know for a fact it’s that God did not put me on this earth to dance. On a scale between Chris Brown and George H. W. Bush I’m pretty sure I’m closer to President Bush in the dance department. Like I have no idea how I didn’t even accidentally bump into some rhythm. Saying all that I still love to dance. In all my silly and un-choreographed glory. So whether it’s a car ride or cooking dinner or just sweeping the porch we’re always dancing and she’s always laughing. Mainly because I can’t dance but also because who in the hell doesn’t like laughing with the person they’re spending quality hours with.

III- Career Building- Every couple or courtship isn’t going to align along career lines. I get that but on the rare occasions when it does take advantage of it. Sitting in an office brain storming, sending emails back and forth, arguing about points and counterpoints isn’t a picture perfect moment. They are moments that will lead to promotions, raises, funding, business plans, sponsorship’s and so much more. Writing scripts and episode treatments in sweats at midnight isn’t a bowling at Dave and Busters with your friends but it is worth it. Boring moments lead to great moments.

IV- Sleeping Together- When I was child my grandparents did not believe on working on Sundays. They wouldn’t cut the yard, work on a car, they wouldn’t even go to the grocery store. It was church, Sunday dinner, football for my grandpa, cleaning up the aftermath of the Sunday dinner for my grandma and then they’d take a nap. It was clockwork every Sunday. It wasn’t until I got older that I realized just how cool naps were. Thirty minutes on the couch before I have to be somewhere. Twenty minutes in my office with the door locked. None of those naps compare though to taking a nap with someone you want to be around. No cuddling, no clothes on the floor. Just a “I have to be in the office at 10, I have a meeting at 11. Let’s take a nap.” So at 8:15am you both get in the bed or on opposite ends of the couch and sleep for an hour or two. No phones, no passion, just good and boring sleep to give you energy for what the day brings.

Don’t ever get so caught up in what you see online or what you think dating or relationships are supposed to be like that you miss out on a blessing. Every moment isn’t going to be Instagram worthy. Some of the best meals are grilled cheese that look horrible on foil because you don’t feel like washing dishes. Some of the moments where she’s her most beautiful will be when she looks a mess because she’s been up working all night and you’re just proud of her drive. Boring is changing a headlight or tightening battery cables. Things that matter.

Losing Blessings By Pretending…

391690_132115926895533_100002913805424_167373_1571942060_nUntil you get rid of the mindset of where you’ve been, you’ll never seize where you’re going.

~ Reverend T.D. Jakes

I listened to a sermon today in which he talked about David and I knew the story of King David. He killed a giant, he was a great king and general and picked up where Moses left off. And I also knew about him taking a man’s wife while sending him into battle. What I didn’t know is that as punishment for having her husband killed and taking a married woman God took the child that came from that union.

David begged and pleaded and promised he would never do it again but God said there had to be retribution for your sins. And that punishment was the death of his child. David cried and mourned and cursed God but in the end he learned from his mistakes and made another son which would end up being one of the greatest leaders in the bible, Solomon.

The message I got from that parable was that sometimes we just have to take our punishment and move on. Told harp on it, don’t carry it like a weight for the rest of your life, just accept that you sinned and that you paid a price.

We tend to judge ourselves harder than anyone and when we’re finished judging ourselves we want to become someone we’re not in order to make up for those mistakes. But how can you truly be sorry if you can’t even accept that the person who made those mistakes is real?

How can you look yourself in the mirror knowing that you’re a lie, a fraud?

When you pretend you’re taking away blessings and you’re stopping your own growth.

A couple years ago I got demoted at work. I kept my same pay but I went from running twenty million dollar construction projects, being my own boss to picking up dead dogs and changing out old stop signs and speed limit signs. I was taking orders from men I’d literally ignored for years, saw them and didn’t even speak to them. I prayed and asked God why this was happening to me and I got no answer. But what I did get was humbled. I learned to talk to people and learned how to follow, to take criticism and instruction. What was a low point in my life became a strength and opportunity and when I realized it all I could do was smile and say, “Thank you God.”

When you have so much pride and such a high opinion of yourself you’re setting yourself up to take a fall. You’re setting yourself up for disappointment because you decided to get on that high horse. You miss out on blessings because you feel like you are the blessings.

I have a lot of growing and a lot of learning to do but what I can say is that I am growing and learning. I’ve missed a lot of blessings in my life fronting and lying, there’s no other way to put it. I’ve lost amazing women and probably hurt so many more. I’ve disappointed family and myself but I can take solace in the fact that God has forgiven me, in the fact that my family has forgiven me and in the fact that what I lost in one woman I’ll eventually gain in another.

Just be you and watch the blessings flow…

Demez F. White