Closed Mouths Don’t Get Fed; If You Want Something, Just Ask

fullsizerender2Let’s say you really want to go to a concert or sporting event and you go on Ticketmaster or House of Blues and the event is sold out? What’s the first thing you do if you really want to go? You get online and you look for tickets being sold outside the venue. Why don’t we do that in real life when dealing with real people?

I’ve noticed something, too many people have become too cool to be excited about other people’s blessings. Or maybe it’s simply selfishness. Let’s say I have a friend that’s getting married and they don’t invite me to their wedding but I really want to go. Now I’m a logical man, weddings cost money and we aren’t great friends but I really like this person and want to help celebrate their day. Instead of texting them, “You forgot my invite, lol.” Or making a Facebook post saying, “I guess everyone isn’t cool enough to come to everyone’s wedding.” Or something else that’s passive aggressive why not just call them?

We’ve become so afraid of rejection or feeling like someone may think we’re too pressed that we don’t want to be human. If I know we’re friends but I don’t make the wedding guest list what’s the matter with calling and asking if I can stop by the reception or asking if I can come to the bachelor party or engagement party? If a friend is having their child a birthday party and your child doesn’t get invited, maybe they didn’t have the money to pay for 10 kids at Chuckie Cheese, why not ask if you could pay for your child simply because you want to be there.

I’m not one of those men that pretend I’m too cool for social media. I post statuses, tweet, watch snapchat videos. They’re entertaining and it keeps me abreast of people’s lives that I probably wouldn’t know anything about otherwise. But social media has also made people weary of rejection. I saw an entire thread recently about whether or not a guy should “shoot his shot” and it took me a second to realize that simply meant, “Should a man ask a woman out on a date or for her phone number?” Think about that for a minute, the idea that a woman might say no is so terrifying that men are literally not even risking it. That’s absurd. We’ll fill out 45 job applications when we’re unemployed but if you’re lonely and want a life mate, you’re afraid to ask a woman out? Where in the world does that make sense?

All I’m saying is, rejection is going to happen in every aspect of life but at some point the risk will be worth the reward.

Invest In Happiness. Invest In Good Karma. Invest In Yourself

You're important. I know you are!

You’re important. I know you are!

It doesn’t make you a hater or a bad person if someone gets the job you want and you feel like you should have gotten the job. If you went on a date with a woman and she wasn’t feeling you but the next guy she goes on a date with she’s posting about him on Facebook. “It’s great when you meet a man that is who he says he is.” “Had the time of my life tonight.” “When a man smells great you don’t won’t that hug to end.” If you read all that and feel like, “I hope they break up or don’t make it,” that’s okay. All of this is okay because it’s your first reaction. What makes it not okay is if you feel that way tomorrow or the next day. If you delete her page or make salty comments or wish for people’s unhappiness.

I don’t care if you’re a Christian, Atheist, Israeli, Palestinian, an Alien, Buddhist or just someone that has your own set of beliefs and doesn’t exactly know who you are. Karma is a living, breathing part of all of us. Being happy for someone that’s doing well, that’s doing better than you means you’re an adult. We all find happiness at different points in our lives. We all find it for different reasons.

The other day I saw this Instagram post where this really attractive woman posted a picture of a woman that’s not considered as attractive by certain standards. Her caption was, “How does she have a man and I don’t? Look at her.” Of course there were some “lol’s” and “I feel you girl” but they all meant what they were writing. She’s “ugly” so she shouldn’t find love and happiness before me. In what world does that logic make sense? That may actually explain why you’re single. Be happy for people, smile and laugh at the fact that some man saw something in her beyond the physical. Invest in a good spirit and fill that Karma based piggy bank.

I see a couple about to get married, I send my congratulations. I see a teacher decide that her teaching career is over and she wants to pursue other avenues in life; I thank her for her service to our community and wish her the best. A guy I hated in high school has changed, seems to have grown and become a better man. I attribute it to him learning and I want him to be that man for his family. Watching people find happiness is like watching something beautiful.

Life is too short to harbor all that bitterness and jealously. It’s okay to smile and to be kind to people. It’s okay to compliment someone. I’ve never sent a man a social media message about his woman because there’s no point. He knows he has a good one but I’ve ran into guys at places and when they’re significant other came up in conversation, I’ve said, “You have a good one, God looked out for you.” No animosity, no undertones, no shade. Just me letting him know she is a blessing in his life and I hope he realizes it. Being happy for someone and sincere reflects not only you but who you’ll attract.

~ Demez F. White