10 Reasons Why I Believe I’m Falling In Love With You

Common-Romantic-Regrets One- I check your Facebook every day. Not really to see who you’re talking to or what guys are saying but just to look at pictures, to see your face. I like seeing your face, seeing your smile.

Two- When you call my entire personality changes. I smile more, I don’t get out the truck, I blow off work for twenty minutes, your voice makes me realize just how much nothing matters more than talking to your pretty ass.

Three- I love your ambition, I find myself talking about you to strangers just because you’re you.

Four- I could care less about having sex with you, our conversations are enough. The way you stimulate my mind means more than any woman has ever done to me physically.

Five- When I write it’s you I see.

Six- The things that make me ignore most women, complaining, whining, crying, all those things bring me closer to you. They make me want to spend more time with you.

Seven- I watch you sleep, not in a creepy way or Silence of the Lambs way but just in a way that brings me comfort. I wonder what you’re dreaming about. I like pulling you close and having you sink your body into mines.

Eight- I have a feeling that when you’re completely into me the amount of freaky and sexy in you will turn me out. It will change my life.

Nine- I love your simplistic beauty.

Ten- Loyalty. To your friends, to your family, to me. Even though we haven’t known each other for long I love how you’re willing to have my back. I love how you talk to me and see me in a way that makes me feel like you care. I know you care. I’m falling in love with you and I don’t care who knows it.

The Pure Essence of Love

Essence

Essence


There’s a purity when the foundation of whatever we’re trying to accomplish is built on love.
The essence of happiness, lust, forgiveness, faith, trust can all be traced back to love.
I want to be a better man, a man that walks in that pure essence of love.

It’s 4:30am and as I sit here with the quiet and my thoughts as my only accomplices I can’t help but smile. Smile because I know that love isn’t lost because it’s not present right now.
Love isn’t this mysterious or hidden riddle that I will never discover. Love is always present because that love is in my heart.
The essence and warmth that sustains me when I feel low, that warmth that covers me is love. The love God has for me, the love I have for myself, the love that is ever present in my soul.

My sins don’t define me. My past regrets are not to ghost that haunt me. The pure essence of love is what helps me get up when I fall down. That love, that essence, it’s universal.
There are nights I cry when I pray. Nights I feel these walls closing in on me and in those moments it’s God’s love that wipes my tears.
Learn to embrace the essence of love. Learn to not gamble with your heart but love with your heart. Unconditionally.

~ Demez F. White

Why Raising Another Man’s Child Can Be Just As Rewarding As Raising Your Own

Family

Family

What are traits about others that people admire?

Being Selfless,

Passionate.

Happy.

Loving.

All those traits apply to single mothers. Of course we all know examples of bad mothers but most of the women I know lose their mind when their child is sick. They go without if their son or daughter needs a little more to eat or drink even though they know the kid is full. They take off work in order to make sure the kid isn’t at school sick when they know the child was probably never sick to begin with.

Mothers are selfless, passionate, happy and loving as hell when it comes to their children. The good ones are but the great ones are all in.

I recently had a friend tell me that she stopped talking to a guy that she was crazy about because he treated her two daughters differently. He wasn’t abusive or molesting them but the youngest girl was a daddy’s girl so she had an attitude towards him. So he would do things for the oldest girl and not for the youngest. These children were like 4 and 7 by the way.

She said, “Mez, he was being indifferent to my youngest daughter instead of just giving her time to adjust. He bought my oldest some candy, when the youngest asked where hers was, he said; ask your daddy.’ What sense does that make? So I dumped him.”

I could tell she missed him but she did what was best for her child and that made me smile.

My point is this, as a man when you can find it in your heart to love, care for, respect, play with, encourage, teach and just grow with the one thing in this world that that woman loves more than anything else. You’re going to win in life.

I grew up with a generation of people where a lot of us didn’t have father’s in the household. I know a bunch of women my age that aren’t with the men they have children with. My grandparents grew up in a generation where you got someone pregnant and married them, forget that you didn’t love her or that she wasn’t the woman you saw yourself with. You did it because it was right, because being there for her and your children was more important than dating and trying to find ‘perfection.’

When you take on the responsibility of a woman and her child or children; she knows the sacrifice you’re making. She may not talk about it or bring it up but she’s aware that they’re plenty of childless women out here. She’s aware that her child is going to have an adjustment period. She’s aware that the child’s father is either going to be in their life or is in their life and at the end of the day it will be ‘ME’ that has to be the bigger person.

I’ll be the one having to bite my tongue if they’re arguing about child support or insurance. I’ll be the one that has to pick up the pieces if he doesn’t come to get that kid for the weekend and she’s hurting because her baby is hurting.

Once the smoke settles and she realizes I’m not going anywhere, she’ll love me more than she’s ever loved anyone because I’ve handled loving her and that child like they were the most important things in the world to me.

I grew up without a father, my stepfather was a bum. So I don’t know what it’s like to have someone care about me, come to games, come to recitals, pick me up from school and have that man on man talk. If it would have been my stepfather I would have loved that man to death despite his short comings. That’s the thing about children, they aren’t slow, they aren’t blind. They simply want to know that you’re there, there for them. There for their mom, there for that family.

I want a son more than anything in this world but I want a wife first. I want a bestfriend first and I want financial security first.

Being with a woman that has a child isn’t a handicap, it’s a blessing in the sense that I’ll be able to not only touch the life of my future seed or that woman but I’ll be able to touch the life of a child that needs it. I respect women and I understand doing what you have to do to raise your child.

A woman can’t raise a man and a little girl needs a father. She needs to see a man treat her mother like a Goddess no matter how cheesy that sounds. I loved a woman whose daughter looked just like the child’s father, I mean they could have cloned this kid. Every time I tried to kiss her or hug her, the little girl would jump in-between us or look at me like I was evil. I thought it was the cutest thing in the world because I would want my daughter to do the same thing.

We’re adults for a reason, we have to be the bigger people. Children need adjustment periods and when they do adjust they’ll love you just as much as they love their biological father. I firmly believe that but you have to be a man, you have to be real and you have to be sincere.

The friend that I mentioned earlier, we aren’t that cool but if we were I would have went to the doctor with her, I would have went to the Lamaze classes and helped her out with cravings. Not because I want a relationship with her, I don’t know her like that but I would have done it because every woman deserves to have someone there with them and because her child’s father is unworthy. I would hate for those vibes to sink into that womb.

So I don’t know how many male readers I have but if you do read this, give a woman with children a chance and to all the women out there just know that some man will love you and want you not just because you’re fine as hell but because he wants to be an asset to you and your child’s life.

If You Dont Love Yourself; Who Will?

So I’m going to leave the sexy stuff alone for today, I want to talk about something else. Something that’s just as important if not more important than being sexually fulfilled. What is that you ask?

I want to talk about loving yourself, it’s a phrase that most of us take for granted, including myself. I mean, who doesn’t love themselves is what most of you are saying but I want you to take two and a half seconds and think about it.

1001

1002

Okay, stop thinking and read!

Every single person that is reading my words right now, you want to know a secret? Look at the screen very carefully.

YOU ARE SPECIAL! GOD CREATED YOU FOR A PURPOSE AND THAT PURPOSE WAS NOT TO BE SAD OR USED OR ABUSED OR PLAYED! YOU ARE A MIRACLE AND YOUR LIFE IS TO BE CHERISHED AND FRUITFUL AND PRODUCTIVE!

I’m not bible scholar but I did grow up in the church and one of my favorite scriptures is, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” There will always be people that are just negative, I don’t think they’re haters or mean spirited; I just think somewhere in their lives they were hurt to the point of no return. So when they see you trying to climb out of a hole, they don’t know how to reach down and help you… They only know how to walk away or tell you why you should stay in the hole.

LIFE CAN BE HARD! IT CAN BE STRESSFUL! IT CAN MAKE YOU CRY!

But there’s always redemption if you love yourself because you know that you have YOUR best interest at heart!

Part of loving yourself is knowing who you can and can’t be around, knowing who’s negative just because and who’s giving you constructive criticism. Words are my babies so I know the power they have, the power they have to cut, to burn, to choke! You can’t love yourself if you surround yourself with negativity. It’s like trying to stay dry with no umbrella in a rainstorm.

WE’RE ALL BEAUTIFUL TO SOMEONE!

WE’RE ALL ADORED BY SOMEONE!

WE’RE ALL LOVED BY SOMEONE!

I have met women that were perfect for me in the physical sense but horrible for me in the spiritual and emotional sense. I’ve had friends that were my dogs, ride or die but they were not the sort of men I wanted to be Godparents to my children. In learning to love myself I had to learn to accept that not everyone is meant to be in my circle, not everyone is meant to partake in the love I have for myself and for them.

DON’T EVER FORGET THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE IS YOU! MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR MATE, YOUR CHILD, YOUR PARENTS! WHY…

Because if you’re not happy, it’s going to be hard as hell to make the people around you happy.

It’s sounds amazingly romantic to say, “I’m losing myself in love.” But when you make that decision to lose yourself in someone, you’re making a decision to lose your identity. To sacrifice the natural love you have for yourself and project all of you on someone else. I’m not saying you shouldn’t give your all but what I am saying is, don’t forgot that the only way you can love anyone is to love yourself.

So tonight…

SMILE!

TREAT YOURSELF TO A CUPCAKE, A DRINK, DINNER!

We’re human, we’re not meant to be alone but we’re also not meant to give up and settle. Life is too short not to know how special you are.

My name is Demez F. White and I believe in you. I believe that you have the ability to do whatever you want in this life if you’re willing to work at it.

Enjoy this beautiful Sunday night and I hope each and everyone of you have a great Monday morning!

Kings Only Notice Queens

182240_562470723185_118401058_31406809_1126638_n Our pastor has been preaching these last couple of weeks about how a man should love a woman and about how a woman should respect a man. I won’t go into detail about what he said but I will say this, he made it clear that he was talking about within a marriage. That a man should expect good sex and to be treated like a King when he’s married. And that a woman should expect to be taken care of, protected, and cared for… within a marriage.

Earlier this week I was approached by a woman and told that we couldn’t go out because I had a drink with a friend of hers three or four years ago. I respected her loyalty but what I wanted to tell her is that her friend just wasn’t for me. Kings notice Queens. If a woman isn’t that, she isn’t for that man. Please understand me; just because I don’t see you as my Queen doesn’t mean there aren’t a thousand other men that don’t see you as theirs. I’m a firm believer that God created one woman for me and that same belief won’t allow me to settle. It won’t allow me to have a child that isn’t a Prince, it won’t allow me to marry a woman that isn’t a Queen. Forgive all the royal references, just watched Game of Thrones but you get it. I’m a King fighting for my Kingdom and the right Queen will either help me be legendary or doom me.

When I see a woman say that she’s out to dinner alone or wishing she had some company, you know what that tells me? It tells me that the options in her life aren’t viable. That they haven’t done enough to make her close that FB or Twitter app and make her want to call him. The same way Kings notice Queens, Queens notice Kings. And if she doesn’t see that potential in you, she’s falling back and can you blame her? I write about relationships and courtships and love so much because it’s serious f*cking business! We’re talking about waking up, making love to, creating life with someone! You can take that for granted if you want to, I can’t. I won’t.

My Queen is out there and I’ll find her or die trying.

Demez F. White

Love Letter #28

FB-Ring.jpg Dear You,
I went to church on Sunday and the topic of the sermon was, “How to love a woman?” I immediately thought about you. It was storming, I needed gas and to put air in my tire but I got up and went to church anyway because I had questions and where else do you go for answers? The trip was worth it, he didn’t really tell my anything that I didn’t already know but he sort of reaffirmed some things and gave me a fresh perspective.

“If you aren’t ready to be selfless and put aside your pride then you may as well stay single because marriage and relationships are about sacrifice.” It’s easy for me to tell myself I’m selfless because of what I’m willing to do but love isn’t about what you’re willing to do, it’s about what you’re willing to forfeit. Your ego tells you that it’s none of her business where you are when you leave work but love tells you to tell her exactly where you’ll be. Your pride wants to cut her off when she’s complaining but love tells you to sit back and listen. I worry that I don’t have those traits in me, I worry that I won’t have them by the time I meet you.

This isn’t my first time saying this but the truth is I’ve always thought my family would be my wife and children. That even though I have a mother and aunts and cousins and sisters and grandparents the people that I would love like no other and know they loved me back was my family. The woman I make vows to and the seeds that come from that union. I always thought that you would be my family. I think that’s why the idea that love excites me and scares me so. I think that’s why I’m such a romantic.

When I first started this blog, I started it with the idea that you would read it one day and realize how great we could be. I started it with the concept that writing would make me a better man, it would help me express emotions and thoughts I’m not able to express in person at times. As I sit at this computer waiting and thinking and living all I can hope is that I won’t let you down when the day comes. All I can hope is that I’m better today than I was yesterday and I’ll be even better tomorrow. I haven’t said the words I love you to anyone in so long. Not a woman, not family, not friends. Those words scare me but I do hope I say them to you every night one night soon.

Sincerely Yours,
Demez F. White

5 Steps to Turn Your Woman’s Bad Day Into A Perfect Day

a pink gift box All women have bad days, some are simply days where she feels down or tired, others are truly bad days. Someone she loves gets sick, her boss tells her they’re downsizing, she tries to put on her favorite pair of pants and they are so tight she can barely breathe so she’s forced to hang them back up and vow vengeance against all sweets and hit the gym.

Regardless of the reason for her sadness it’s up to you as her man to fix it.

So here is a five step process I’ve only done once in my life for someone but in my mind a million times. I’m going to go with my preferences and what I’d think she’d like, some things can be substituted depending on the woman you’re with.

Five- Let her vent, a lot of women get leery of always feeling like they’re complaining so they may want to hold it in. Let her know you’re there to listen, that you care about how she’s feeling. Let her text her heart away and call you and curse out whoever is the cause of this bad day. Don’t try to give this great and reasonable advice, just listen and let her know you haven’t put the phone on mute or are getting bored. The more she talks and lets it out the better she’ll feel.

Four- Depending on the time of day and the woman that she is send her lunch. A pizza, a salad, Chinese, there’s always places by her job that deliver. It just takes a little time. If this happens past lunch, don’t sweat it. Send her flowers or a gift certificate to her favorite dessert place. We live in an age where technology makes life so convenient. You can get a gift certificate from anywhere with the click of a mouse or smart phone and a credit card. No matter how bad her day is going that small gesture will let her know at least one person is in her corner.

Three- You have to know your “her” and take advantage of what it is she loves. If she’s a workout woman, buy her some new running shoes and hit the track with her. Go to the gym and bet her she can’t beat your calorie burns on the elliptical. If she’s a drinker, find a happy hour that’s new and hip, somewhere she’s never been but you know she’ll love. Or maybe she’s just one of those, “When I get off work I want to take a shower and sit on the couch women.” Cool, buy her a couple of magazines and a bunch of candy. Know your “her,” and adapt to what makes her smile.

Two- In my ten years of dating and my four years of dating as a man that understands women a little better than most I’ve come to the realization that women love food. I’ve personally never met one that didn’t. Some eat a lot more than others, some have way better pallets than others but they all love a good meal. If she’s the type that loves going out, text her right before she leaves work and tell her you’re coming to get her at 8 for dinner. If she’s the no going out on work nights type, bring the dinner to her. Even women that love cooking hate doing dishes and even if you’re a man that likes to cook she’ll still appreciate the effort. They don’t call them foodgasms for nothing.

One- Take control of the situation. If she’s so depressed that none of the other things work just pick her up, sit her on your lap and tell her that everything will be alright. Don’t be the guy that walks in the other room while she’s in the bedroom sleeping and crying. Don’t be the guy that goes home because you did all these romantic gestures and she’s still mad or sad, it’s not always about us. Inconsistency scares the hell out of women and if you can’t be strong when she needs you for a small crisis, what do you think she’s thinking if some real shit jumps off?