On Saturday I thought about the concept of writing a relationship book. But like I said I’m not in a relationship nor have I been in awhile so writing that would simply be a bunch of romantic ideals. Not practical life tested words. And I can’t do that. But what I can write about and what I am quite good at is courtships and flirting. I can be sitting at a bar and make conversation with ease, I know when to flirt, what questions to ask. It comes natural.
People will tell you that dating is about asking questions and setting goals. That’s bullshit. Dating is about making someone smile and not just being interesting but being real. The worst thing you can do is show your “representative” to people. If you can’t afford to go to a five star restaurant, don’t make it seem like you can. Go get pizza and beer or a cheap bottle of wine.
To court a woman is not to try and make her see you’re a great person, there’s a lot of great guys that never get call backs or have sex or get her to fall in love. To court a woman is to tie into her emotions, her mind and her sensibilities as a woman.
These are a couple of facts that I promise you no woman will dispute.
(A) Women are turned on my mental and social aggression, tactful, of course. No woman wants an indecisive or weak man. I learned this early, if you make plans make sure you know where you’re going and why you’re there. She’ll appreciate it because I guarantee you several men have called or picked her up on some… “So where do you want to go?” stuff.
(B) Women love gifts. This doesn’t mean you have to show up with purses, watches or Tiffany’s. But it does mean if you show up with a cupcake, some chocolates, flowers or even some Starbursts. Ask yourself one question? When is the last time a guy simply brought her some candy because he was thinking about her. Grand romantic gestures sound great but when you’re just starting off it’s simplicity that matters.
(C) Be yourself, I don’t care if all she talks about on FB is work and Basketball Wives. Or maybe you’ve looked thru her albums and every guy she’s dated is 6’3 and looks like Edris Elba. The simple fact of the matter is she’s out with YOU. She’s opened the door because there’s something about you she likes. So be yourself, be passionate about whatever it is you do and at the very least she’ll respect you and probably be turned on by your confidence.
(D) Don’t try to be her friend. Women have friends, be honest about why you’re there. You’re attractive, you’re sexy, I want to eventually get to the point where I’m cooking you breakfast and watching you sleep. Now maybe you shouldn’t be that blunt but you get what I’m saying. Flirt and let her know that I’m a man and you’re a woman and this date is the first step in us building something. You don’t even have to be serious when you say it but just be charming.
I have no problem admitting that I enjoy dating. I enjoy getting to know people and asking those same questions knowing no woman will have exactly the same answer. Do I want a girlfriend and a real relationship, of course I do. But until that time comes this is the life I live.
My point… I may not be able to write about how to make a marriage work but I can write about how to make those first 3 months of a courtship turn into something much more. I’ve had a lot of women fall in love with me and I’ve probably fallen in love with so many more. The falling is the easy part, it’s the staying there that I’m still working on.