Your Standards Aren’t too High; He’s Just Used to Women Lowering the Bar

So often when we have relationship conversations people use the extreme to get their point across. A man that doesn’t have money, a car, a home wants you to pick him up and take him on a date. Or it’s the other extreme where a man has this plethora of women and feels like he doesn’t have to try hard because he’s wealthy or successful. The simple truth is dating is like life, it’s more in the middle than it is any extremes.

You aren’t crazy for wanting a man to ask you out on a Wednesday. Call or text you early Saturday to confirm you’re still going out, tell you how you should dress for the atmosphere you’ll be in and give you options. It’s 2019, not every woman wants you to come to her home if she doesn’t know you. That’s why you ask. Would you like me to pick you up? Would you like to meet me? I can send you money for an Uber. None of these things are asking for too much, none of these are you saying, “My standards are here buddy.”

When you lower your standards to make a man feel comfortable, you’re making yourself feel uncomfortable. Don’t apologize for having standards because often times what you’re asking for isn’t even a lot. cropped-img_0118.jpg

Stop Letting Idiots Tell You What Makes You A Man

gentleman Stop letting idiots tell you what makes you a man

These hoes ain’t loyal.

It ain’t nothing to cut that bitch off.

Bro’s over Hoes.

I can name a dozen hooks to songs and catch phrases that make it seem as though caring about or loving a woman makes you look silly or weak. The truth is life doesn’t work that way and it never has. We have a generation of not just boys but grown men that feel as though having gentleman like qualities makes them weak.

If I write something saying men should respect women I’ll get a guy saying, “What about women respecting men bro!” If I say men should open doors and get the check on dates I’ll have a guy say, “Women don’t want a good man, what is she brining to the table?!” If I try to explain to a guy the benefits of good conversation and building a friendship before you bring up sex he says, “Nah! You got to be aggressive, women like when you’re upfront.” Foolish! Stop listening to rappers and these internet idiots that don’t know the difference between a sports coat and blazer. Being a gentleman gets you more respect and dating opportunities than being an asshole ever will.

I can sit up here and create a dozen list. Men should open doors, men should call and make sure she’s okay if she’s driving home after a date. Real men should do this, real men should do that. Men should walk on this side of the street or not talk about this. Every guy is different, every woman is different. There’s no set of rules that makes you a man or less of a man but respect is universal. Whether you’re a hood dude, charming, funny, cool, it doesn’t matter. I can’t tell you how to be a man because most of us know how to be a man. I can just remind you that letting a few women who did you dirty or lack certain values make you disrespectful towards all the rest will get you nowhere.

Life is too short to fear what other people will think about you. If you’re happy and doing what you know is right then just live man. Just live life. Being that guy that makes women smile, that guy that walks into a room and holds it down. It never gets old.

~ Demez F. White

5 Flirting Tips for the 21st Century

Are you tired of hearing that it’s ‘cuffin season?’ I am too so don’t feel like a Grinch. But I can be honest with myself and admit that most of it is just hating on my part.

Who doesn’t want to be in the bed or on the couch snuggled up with someone. It’s cool enough for no AC but not cold enough for the heater.

I like the give and take of flirting. I think it makes us happier people. So these are 5 quick tips to get you on the road to getting a little body heat in your life.

5. Simplicity- ‘I love when a man comes at me with pickup line’ said no woman ever. A smile, a hello and a modest compliment. If she smiles and ask you your name, you keep going. If she simply says thank you and walks off. You tried and probably made her morning with that compliment. Don’t pursue her or press.

4. Humor- Everyone can’t do funny. And furthermore it’s even harder to do flirty funny. Because depending on the woman sexual humor will never work. So the humor has to be in the middle, making fun a really nice feature of hers works. Say she’s really fashionable, make fun of how it has to be hard finding a scarf to match those shoes or bracelets. It seems silly I know but I promise you the combination of humor, attention to detail and compliments will have her blushing.

3. Gestures- This literally requires very little charm. If you’re at Starbucks or a CVS or a restaurant getting something to go tell the cashier or server you’re getting hers to. Don’t even ask her. This serves two crucial purposes. Women love subtle aggressiveness and just men that take control. And the other is that the 5 or 10 dollars isn’t enough that she feels obligated but it’s enough that she knows you aren’t cheap.

2. Social Networks- ‘FB isn’t’ says most women I know even though that’s how I met half of them. Stay out of a woman’s inbox, don’t go liking 5 pics in a row and don’t add any of her pretty ass friends. You want her attention, wait until she post a status or picture and comment with something witty. She’ll notice you and respond to that comment. And that’s your ‘in.’ This is all dependent on her being somewhat attracted to you but your goal on a Social Network should never be to ‘take her out.’ It should be lol’s, smiley faces and interactions.

1. Wear you well- I used to be ashamed or feel uncomfortable when I’d meet women in my work clothes. An old polo or t-shirt, dusty jeans and steel toe boots. But now I’ll wash my hands, wash my face and walk into a Happy Hour with the swagger of a guy in an tailor made suit. Because its not your clothes or yor watch or your ego that makes flirting work. It’s the confidence of being comfortable with who you are. If you’re relaxed that vibe will extend to her.

These are just five tips that will hopefully lead to a phone number that will hopefully lead to date that will hopefully lead to some body heat.

Flirting, Courtship and Romance…

On Saturday I thought about the concept of writing a relationship book. But like I said I’m not in a relationship nor have I been in awhile so writing that would simply be a bunch of romantic ideals. Not practical life tested words. And I can’t do that. But what I can write about and what I am quite good at is courtships and flirting. I can be sitting at a bar and make conversation with ease, I know when to flirt, what questions to ask. It comes natural.

People will tell you that dating is about asking questions and setting goals. That’s bullshit. Dating is about making someone smile and not just being interesting but being real. The worst thing you can do is show your “representative” to people. If you can’t afford to go to a five star restaurant, don’t make it seem like you can. Go get pizza and beer or a cheap bottle of wine.

To court a woman is not to try and make her see you’re a great person, there’s a lot of great guys that never get call backs or have sex or get her to fall in love. To court a woman is to tie into her emotions, her mind and her sensibilities as a woman.

These are a couple of facts that I promise you no woman will dispute.

(A)   Women are turned on my mental and social aggression, tactful, of course. No woman wants an indecisive or weak man. I learned this early, if you make plans make sure you know where you’re going and why you’re there. She’ll appreciate it because I guarantee you several men have called or picked her up on some… “So where do you want to go?” stuff.

(B)   Women love gifts. This doesn’t mean you have to show up with purses, watches or Tiffany’s. But it does mean if you show up with a cupcake, some chocolates, flowers or even some Starbursts. Ask yourself one question? When is the last time a guy simply brought her some candy because he was thinking about her. Grand romantic gestures sound great but when you’re just starting off it’s simplicity that matters.

(C)   Be yourself, I don’t care if all she talks about on FB is work and Basketball Wives. Or maybe you’ve looked thru her albums and every guy she’s dated is 6’3 and looks like Edris Elba. The simple fact of the matter is she’s out with YOU. She’s opened the door because there’s something about you she likes. So be yourself, be passionate about whatever it is you do and at the very least she’ll respect you and probably be turned on by your confidence.

(D)   Don’t try to be her friend. Women have friends, be honest about why you’re there. You’re attractive, you’re sexy, I want to eventually get to the point where I’m cooking you breakfast and watching you sleep. Now maybe you shouldn’t be that blunt but you get what I’m saying. Flirt and let her know that I’m a man and you’re a woman and this date is the first step in us building something. You don’t even have to be serious when you say it but just be charming.

I have no problem admitting that I enjoy dating. I enjoy getting to know people and asking those same questions knowing no woman will have exactly the same answer. Do I want a girlfriend and a real relationship, of course I do. But until that time comes this is the life I live.

My point… I may not be able to write about how to make a marriage work but I can write about how to make those first 3 months of a courtship turn into something much more. I’ve had a lot of women fall in love with me and I’ve probably fallen in love with so many more. The falling is the easy part, it’s the staying there that I’m still working on.