My Bestfriend Took Me On A Date Yesterday and I Might Leave My Girlfriend For Her

fullsizerender2 Relationships are like jobs in the sense that no matter how great they might be there are days where you’re just tired or moments where you know you have a good thing but you need reminding.
Yesterday I was sitting on the couch getting ready to engulf myself in NBA Basketball and a Game of Thrones Marathon when my bestfriend showed up and told me to take a shower and get dressed. I asked where we were going and they told me they didn’t know but that we were going to have a good time.

I threw on some jeans, a shirt and a blazer and waited for them to get ready. A part of me felt guilty for how I felt when she walked out the room. Is it normal to be attracted to your bestfriend? I wanted to hug her, to touch her cheek, feel her neck but I have a girlfriend so instead I just told her she looked nice and we left.

The first stop was happy hour in Katy and we were overdressed for the restaurant but I couldn’t stop staring at the way the dress was hugging her shape and once again I had to remind myself that I was a taken man. Sitting at the bar talking to a bartender about basketball and high school and whispering and giggling whenever she walked away, I was having a good time. A better time than I’d been having with my girlfriend recently and that surprised me. We’d always had this great chemistry and over time I hadn’t been smiling as much.

Now, I couldn’t stop smiling and if I wasn’t guilty for looking at her thighs on that barstool I was for sure guilty for comparing the two women.

She kept complimenting me and trying to take pictures of me and as much as men aren’t supposed to worry about such things, I found myself liking the attention. A beautiful woman that craved my presence, it felt good. My girlfriend is always telling me how special I am but when my bestfriend said it, there was a difference. I didn’t feel as though she was saying it because she felt obligated but because she wanted to be around me. Needed to be around me.

Stop two took us to Cyclone Anaya’s and by this time I’d say we were tipsy. The nachos were horrible, the bartender never cut the basketball games on and they mixed up our drinks. Even with all that we just talked. Talked about old friends, talked about life. Talked about things I wouldn’t talk to anyone else about and by this time any guilt I felt was gone. Being with the most beautiful woman in the room has a way of easing your guilt.

I admitted something to her that I’d never admitted to anyone. I admitted that something she told me about my upcoming novel made me change it. Her advice literally made me sit at my computer and re-think a chapter or two, something I’d never done before. Something my girlfriend never inspired me to do but this woman, this amazingly interesting and beautiful minded woman, did just that. Finding myself holding her hand as we walked and rubbing the small of her back I looked around for a second to make sure I didn’t see anyone that may have knew my woman but by then I didn’t care.

Is it possible to fall in love after one date with someone you’ve known for years? Is it possible to love two women at the same time? These are questions I was asking myself as I held her and allowed my lips to find her neck in the elevator. Just a pec, just a kiss to let her know maybe we should be, could be, more than friends.

Our last stop found us at Hotel Sorella drinking martini’s and on our phones more than we were talking to each other. I didn’t mind because being in her presence was enough. It was one of those moments where she wanted to take pictures together and for a second I wanted to stop it. I wanted to tell her, “This has been an amazing day but I have a woman at home that’s dope, that loves me.” I didn’t say any of those things though. I just took the pictures and allowed our bodies to mesh as the sun started to set over City Centre.

Ending the night right back where we started at my home I watched her stumble into the couch and just lay there. Taking off her shoes she alternated between checking her phone and looking at me.

I alternated between thoughts of kissing her and thoughts of not wanting to ruin our friendship and my relationship. I started making some snacks and she got up and told me it was time to go. Holding her hand I wanted to ask her to stay but doing that would probably make me lose my bestfriend and my girlfriend. I kissed her like friends shouldn’t kiss and stood at the door as she walked away.

As soon as I turned around my girlfriend showed up and I smiled because I could tell she’d had a good day too. That took away some of my guilt. Eating a bar food type dinner while watching Love and Hip Hop I enjoyed the company of the woman that had become the best of both worlds.

Stop Blaming Social Media or Outdated Stereotypes for Bad Behavior

385448_213663785373354_118911191515281_532154_1408080341_nI’ve been in a relationship for about two years now. You know how many women that I was friends with or that I knew casually have approached me in a manner that’s flirtatious or disrespectful? None. Not one. Every text, phone call or message has been to congratulate me or simply to catch up or say hello. Women don’t find men in relationships more attractive; often times men in relationships let the world know they’re still available.

There’s perception and then there’s reality. You can’t flirt and be accessible and friendly and then complain that women or men aren’t accepting of your relationship. I have some amazing friends that I’d hang out with. Happy hours, long conversations, dropping them off at the airport. Once I got in a relationship or they got in a relationship that friendship dynamic changed. They had a long day, they call their man. They go to happy hour or talk about it, with their man. The same for me. They aren’t acting funny or being fake friends, it’s just called growing up.

I want to ask a serious question. Have you ever seen someone that was in a dope relationship talk about other people’s relationship or problems? I don’t mean casual pillow talk with your man or woman. I don’t mean casual gossip with your girls. I mean, it’s every day and it’s not just one or two couples but it’s all the time. You don’t see that type of behavior out of people that are good. But you see it out of people that are lying to themselves.

If a woman compliments my writing at 2am and I respond in her inbox, “Thanks, I love when women are up late reading my words.” With that one sentence I just told her I was available. I can try and tell myself I didn’t do anything wrong and that’s the problem with women these days, they think every guy is flirting, etc. But I’d be lying to myself. There are lines you don’t cross and you shouldn’t want to cross. Not if you’re happy with what you have at home.

A Compliment A Day

#AComplimentADay

#AComplimentADay

A compliment a day is my way of saying “Enough with social media bullying!” Instead of making fun of people or looking for reasons to be cruel, I want society to look for reasons to give compliments. It’s easy to look for the lowest common dominator to get a laugh but how would you feel if you were the person people were laughing at?

When I was younger I suffered from bullying and as I got older I bullied other kids. Never physically but I made people feel small with my words. I had someone point out what I was doing and I thought long and hard about the people I talked about.

It’s a vicious cycle and the only way to stop it is to set an example of what not to do. That example starts with adults. Our children, they only do what they see us do. Compliment a stranger, compliment a friend, be sure to use #AComplimentADay.

One voice is enough to get one more voice and then another and then another. After long we can all be a voice that affects change! So join me and help me make a difference.

~ Demez F. White