Stop With the Small Talk and Plan A Date; It May Change Your Life

It’s easy to be the man that steps up when he’s supposed to step up. When it’s her birthday, you’re on point. When it’s your anniversary, there’s not a better date planner in the world. She’s excited about a promotion; you’ll have the champagne and flowers ready as soon as she walks through the door. That’s only like 10% of a relationship though, 10% of the dating process. What about the other days, the other nights?

Calling a woman or texting a woman and asking her, “WYD” or “It’s supposed to rain tonight so what do you want to eat?” You might see it as sensible or something that just makes sense after a long day but sometimes you have to not only take control but also crave control. If you’re a man reading this I want you to ask yourself one question, “When is the last time I called a woman and told her, ‘I’m picking you up at 8, wear that black dress I saw you in when you went to your best friend’s party back in May.” Don’t be afraid of her saying she has plans, don’t be afraid of “I’m tired.” Be afraid of being ordinary.

I don’t care if your woman is in charge of the largest department in her company. I don’t care if she makes twice what you make and had to let your little brother “borrow” some money for a textbook. That doesn’t take away from that fact that just because she has to be superwoman out there doesn’t mean she wants to be that at home or in her relationship. So many men complain about dating when the truth is all you’re doing is setting a standard that lets her know she can stop entertaining those other guys. One way to do that is by simply being tastefully aggressive.

What’s tasteful aggression? It’s being the man that knows what he wants and is an adult about expressing it and actively pursuing her. Not just asking a woman out on a date or out for drinks but telling her where, what time and what you like to see her in. Not the cheesy lingerie or panty talk but actual clothes. Colors, styles, how you like her hair. If you’re a genuine guy she won’t take it as you trying to control her or tell her how to dress. She’ll take it as you being a man that pays attention.

In 2017 everyone takes pride in being laid back, in being cool. You want to know what I take pride in? Being serious about the people that matter to me and while I’m being serious I’ll take time to laugh, smile, flirt but she won’t have hesitations about my intentions.

You Can’t Appreciate What You Have If You Can’t Let Go of What You Had


Author Demez F. White

Memories are incredibly dope. You can be sitting at work watching a screen and a memory can flash before your eyes like a bolt of lightning. You didn’t ask for the memory, weren’t thinking about the memory but low and behold it happened. A brief moment in an otherwise uneventful day. You look up from your desk and ask yourself the question, “Where the hell did that come from?”

And just as soon as it was there, it’s now gone. After lunch and a phone call you don’t even think about it anymore. We’re all human and we all have thoughts we can’t control. Thoughts that could mean everything and thoughts that could mean nothing. That’s really up to you, it’s up to any of us what we give our time, effort and energy to.

This is the thing though, if you stay in the past, stay living in memories. It’s impossible to appreciate your present. Not fully. Not whole heartedly. How can you when stories and moments of times gone by are still playing like trailers on a movie screen in your head.

This week I made the decision to sell something that was a huge part of my past. I found myself holding on to it because it belonged to people that were very special to me. I’ve started a business, I need capital. I could hold on to something that gives me a good memory every now and again or I can let it go and use it to build on my present and future. Go into debt or make new memories with my old memories as a foundation. It’s an easy choice.

We can use a million different excuses as to why we want to live in the past but the simple truth is it’s an easy choice to make or not make. When you see someone making the decision to walk through old doors, to give time and attention to old memories. You have a choice to make. You talk to them and let them know or you give them room to embrace those old memories.

Beautiful Nightmares

20140717-223245.jpg There are nights when I’ve had too much to drink that I see you standing in front of me. The bottle on the floor, the glass in my hand. Reaching out to touch you only to realize you aren’t there.

Am I going crazy because I see you?Wiggling out of your jeans, your blouse coming over your head. You always smile and ask me not to look at you like that.

I miss the warmth and softness of your body. The tears that fell when I brought you to orgasms. There are nights when I can’t fall asleep because I know I get to be with you. Nights where your naked body haunts me in the most vivid and desirable ways possible.

Touching yourself was something you took pride in. I miss the intensity in your eyes. The rhythm you moved to. Taking your fingers in my mouth after you’ve touched what I love to taste. Watching you taste yourself.

A beautiful nightmare before my eyes. Reaching out to touch you. Falling to my knees aching to touch you. My tears are real, the beating of my heart is real. But you aren’t. You’re just a beautiful nightmare.

If You Don’t Have Faith In Him; How Can He Have Faith In You

379994_610579043725_118401058_31642843_1262844695_n Today I found out someone I used to know is married. I spent the better part of my afternoon sitting in my office just sort of thinking. I often question why things happen the way they happen and in the midst of my thoughts one thought always comes to mind. If God wanted it for me it would be for me. Faith isn’t easy, it doesn’t come with perfect confidence. Not for me it doesn’t. For me faith comes with a lot of praying and a lot of sacrifice. Faith is knowing that he has my best interest in heart even when I don’t.

When we lose faith, in essence we’re severing our support system with God. It’s easy to be happy and to be a believer when everything is going well. When the woman you think you’ll marry is happy and you look forward to going to work. Our faith is tested when that woman marries another man, when you look at your cell for 15 minutes before work wondering if you should call in. The easiest thing in the world is to give up, is to feel sorry for yourself but why give up when he has never given up on you?

In my heart I know that I’m far from perfect, I know that I have so many ways I could better myself. My faith doesn’t allow me to dwell in my imperfections, in my fears, in my rejections. My faith gives me the strength to see past the bad dates or promotions I didn’t get. My faith gives me hope that everything I desire may not come when I want it but it will come. If it doesn’t it’s because God is protecting me from something I didn’t need anyway.

If you don’t have faith in him, how can he have faith in you? Remember that the next time your fears outweigh your convictions.

Why Sex Before Marriage Is Spiritually Destructive…

When a man or woman thinks you’re worth their heart they’ll wait on the physical part. This piece isn’t about judging those that have or that are having sex outside of marriage. It’s about wanting all of us, including myself to do better at knowing our spiritual worth. When you give your body to a person you’re connected. That connection is so strong because sex was meant for marriage. People often say, “Take care of your body, you only get one.” I say, “Take care of your spirit, you get your body for 70yrs in some cases. Your spirit last an eternity.

If you’ve ever read my writing it’s obvious I love women and the pleasures that come with them. I’ve made a name for myself writing about those pleasures. It’s not easy separating my desires from my faith but I do it because I want to be accountable to myself. I don’t want to be the guy that has to worry every time I meet one of wife’s friends because I’ve slept with her or one of her girls.

Sex feels amazing because God wanted to reward us for introducing life into this world. Our spirits and emotions suck in and out of each other each time our bodies touch. Do you want your spiritual well being all over the place?

There’s such a piece of mind that comes with waiting for that special person. Even if you just had sex with them last night there’s no rule that says you can’t stop today. Waiting a year, 6 months before marriage can probably give you that same anticipation.

Just remember our bodies are temples that need to be worshiped by people we would give our lives for.

Lust vs. Love and Everything In-Between

a untitled nyeMy deepest fear isn’t that I’m not good enough for the world, it isn’t that my words won’t touch a million people. I believe in my craft, I have faith in my talent. I have no fear in disappointing them out there, they’ll love one story I write and hate the next book. My deepest fear is not knowing whether or not you’re proud of me.

Haunting my dreams.

Stalking my thoughts.

My words are motivated by the orgasms we’ve shared. The strokes on the keypad can never compare to the strokes across your skin. I hurt you, I broke your heart. No matter my intentions, that’s what happened and I want to love you but I know I can’t.

Loving you is poison baked in a perfectly baked cookie. Sweet, moist, tasty, perfect… but once it’s inside of me it destroys me. How can you love what destroys you? How can you need what has the potential to break you?

I’ve been traveling more lately, spending more nights in hotel rooms. Talking to strangers at restaurant bars, finding solace in my thoughts. Finding prison in my thoughts.

Don’t you ever tell me you don’t love me, I can see it in your eyes. Don’t you ever tell me you don’t need me, I can feel it between your thighs. Your mouth tells me no, your words say stop, but your body trembles. No lace, no cotton, no silk can hide the way your nipples respond to my voice. No door, no screen, no wall can stop me from hearing the emotion in your words.

Lust is such an interesting word. Need, desire, want, hunger… Lust is the word that comes to mind when I can’t sleep and I see your naked body with my eyes wide open. Lust is the word that comes to mind when your moans are ghost under the steam of the shower. Don’t tell me you don’t love me because watching you look back at me, caramel skin on white sheets. Sweat and intensity on a perfect face, if that’s not love… If that’s not love it’s lust and accepting that isn’t something my love can handle.



Can You Still Feel It…

The closer the Holidays get, the colder the nights, the shorter the days, the more vivid the day dreams get. The more fierce the nightmares become.

Sleep consist of tossing and turning, walking to the kitchen knowing I’m not thirsty. Walking to my office, knowing I’ll get no work done. Two, maybe three hours of memories. Memories that once brought smiles to my face, memories that inspired the best in me. Now those same memories have inspired nightmares I can’t shake. Images so vivid I awake shaking and panicked. A shot glass or two or four giving me a reprieve from the endless night.

“Do you miss me?”

“Do you think about me?”

“Just tell me you love me. I don’t care if you mean it, I just need to hear it.”

The text are typed but never sent. The letters are written but then ripped up. Pacing the living room, the iPad synced with the TV, the images in my dreams being shown live. Her smile, her hair, her caramel skin in HD.

I hear knocks at the door, I open the door. She’s standing there with her arms open, tears in her eyes.

“I miss you.”

Stepping on the porch to hug her there’s no one there. The gate is closed, the wind attacking my shirt less body.

There’s no one. I blink my eyes but still nothing. I hear her moans, “make me love you baby, I know you can make me cum.”

I step back in the house! My eyes wide, my heart beating!

“Where the fuck are you?! Stop fucking with me!!! Stop! Stop!”

She’s still talking, still moaning. It’s her on the TV, the video goes black. There’s no one here, there was never anyone here. Throwing the shot glass against the wall! I grab the bottle and turn it up! More of the brown liquor falling on my chest and the floor than down my throat! It burns, I gag but the burn helps me forget if even only for a second that I’m losing my mind. The clock reads 3am, I take two pills to take me back to my nightmares. I hate them but they’re the only time she’s real.

Life goes on, the only question is when?