Stop With the Small Talk and Plan A Date; It May Change Your Life

It’s easy to be the man that steps up when he’s supposed to step up. When it’s her birthday, you’re on point. When it’s your anniversary, there’s not a better date planner in the world. She’s excited about a promotion; you’ll have the champagne and flowers ready as soon as she walks through the door. That’s only like 10% of a relationship though, 10% of the dating process. What about the other days, the other nights?

Calling a woman or texting a woman and asking her, “WYD” or “It’s supposed to rain tonight so what do you want to eat?” You might see it as sensible or something that just makes sense after a long day but sometimes you have to not only take control but also crave control. If you’re a man reading this I want you to ask yourself one question, “When is the last time I called a woman and told her, ‘I’m picking you up at 8, wear that black dress I saw you in when you went to your best friend’s party back in May.” Don’t be afraid of her saying she has plans, don’t be afraid of “I’m tired.” Be afraid of being ordinary.

I don’t care if your woman is in charge of the largest department in her company. I don’t care if she makes twice what you make and had to let your little brother “borrow” some money for a textbook. That doesn’t take away from that fact that just because she has to be superwoman out there doesn’t mean she wants to be that at home or in her relationship. So many men complain about dating when the truth is all you’re doing is setting a standard that lets her know she can stop entertaining those other guys. One way to do that is by simply being tastefully aggressive.

What’s tasteful aggression? It’s being the man that knows what he wants and is an adult about expressing it and actively pursuing her. Not just asking a woman out on a date or out for drinks but telling her where, what time and what you like to see her in. Not the cheesy lingerie or panty talk but actual clothes. Colors, styles, how you like her hair. If you’re a genuine guy she won’t take it as you trying to control her or tell her how to dress. She’ll take it as you being a man that pays attention.

In 2017 everyone takes pride in being laid back, in being cool. You want to know what I take pride in? Being serious about the people that matter to me and while I’m being serious I’ll take time to laugh, smile, flirt but she won’t have hesitations about my intentions.

You Can’t Appreciate What You Have If You Can’t Let Go of What You Had

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Author Demez F. White

Memories are incredibly dope. You can be sitting at work watching a screen and a memory can flash before your eyes like a bolt of lightning. You didn’t ask for the memory, weren’t thinking about the memory but low and behold it happened. A brief moment in an otherwise uneventful day. You look up from your desk and ask yourself the question, “Where the hell did that come from?”

And just as soon as it was there, it’s now gone. After lunch and a phone call you don’t even think about it anymore. We’re all human and we all have thoughts we can’t control. Thoughts that could mean everything and thoughts that could mean nothing. That’s really up to you, it’s up to any of us what we give our time, effort and energy to.

This is the thing though, if you stay in the past, stay living in memories. It’s impossible to appreciate your present. Not fully. Not whole heartedly. How can you when stories and moments of times gone by are still playing like trailers on a movie screen in your head.

This week I made the decision to sell something that was a huge part of my past. I found myself holding on to it because it belonged to people that were very special to me. I’ve started a business, I need capital. I could hold on to something that gives me a good memory every now and again or I can let it go and use it to build on my present and future. Go into debt or make new memories with my old memories as a foundation. It’s an easy choice.

We can use a million different excuses as to why we want to live in the past but the simple truth is it’s an easy choice to make or not make. When you see someone making the decision to walk through old doors, to give time and attention to old memories. You have a choice to make. You talk to them and let them know or you give them room to embrace those old memories.

Beautiful Nightmares

20140717-223245.jpg There are nights when I’ve had too much to drink that I see you standing in front of me. The bottle on the floor, the glass in my hand. Reaching out to touch you only to realize you aren’t there.

Am I going crazy because I see you?Wiggling out of your jeans, your blouse coming over your head. You always smile and ask me not to look at you like that.

I miss the warmth and softness of your body. The tears that fell when I brought you to orgasms. There are nights when I can’t fall asleep because I know I get to be with you. Nights where your naked body haunts me in the most vivid and desirable ways possible.

Touching yourself was something you took pride in. I miss the intensity in your eyes. The rhythm you moved to. Taking your fingers in my mouth after you’ve touched what I love to taste. Watching you taste yourself.

A beautiful nightmare before my eyes. Reaching out to touch you. Falling to my knees aching to touch you. My tears are real, the beating of my heart is real. But you aren’t. You’re just a beautiful nightmare.

If You Don’t Have Faith In Him; How Can He Have Faith In You

379994_610579043725_118401058_31642843_1262844695_n Today I found out someone I used to know is married. I spent the better part of my afternoon sitting in my office just sort of thinking. I often question why things happen the way they happen and in the midst of my thoughts one thought always comes to mind. If God wanted it for me it would be for me. Faith isn’t easy, it doesn’t come with perfect confidence. Not for me it doesn’t. For me faith comes with a lot of praying and a lot of sacrifice. Faith is knowing that he has my best interest in heart even when I don’t.

When we lose faith, in essence we’re severing our support system with God. It’s easy to be happy and to be a believer when everything is going well. When the woman you think you’ll marry is happy and you look forward to going to work. Our faith is tested when that woman marries another man, when you look at your cell for 15 minutes before work wondering if you should call in. The easiest thing in the world is to give up, is to feel sorry for yourself but why give up when he has never given up on you?

In my heart I know that I’m far from perfect, I know that I have so many ways I could better myself. My faith doesn’t allow me to dwell in my imperfections, in my fears, in my rejections. My faith gives me the strength to see past the bad dates or promotions I didn’t get. My faith gives me hope that everything I desire may not come when I want it but it will come. If it doesn’t it’s because God is protecting me from something I didn’t need anyway.

If you don’t have faith in him, how can he have faith in you? Remember that the next time your fears outweigh your convictions.

Why Sex Before Marriage Is Spiritually Destructive…

When a man or woman thinks you’re worth their heart they’ll wait on the physical part. This piece isn’t about judging those that have or that are having sex outside of marriage. It’s about wanting all of us, including myself to do better at knowing our spiritual worth. When you give your body to a person you’re connected. That connection is so strong because sex was meant for marriage. People often say, “Take care of your body, you only get one.” I say, “Take care of your spirit, you get your body for 70yrs in some cases. Your spirit last an eternity.

If you’ve ever read my writing it’s obvious I love women and the pleasures that come with them. I’ve made a name for myself writing about those pleasures. It’s not easy separating my desires from my faith but I do it because I want to be accountable to myself. I don’t want to be the guy that has to worry every time I meet one of wife’s friends because I’ve slept with her or one of her girls.

Sex feels amazing because God wanted to reward us for introducing life into this world. Our spirits and emotions suck in and out of each other each time our bodies touch. Do you want your spiritual well being all over the place?

There’s such a piece of mind that comes with waiting for that special person. Even if you just had sex with them last night there’s no rule that says you can’t stop today. Waiting a year, 6 months before marriage can probably give you that same anticipation.

Just remember our bodies are temples that need to be worshiped by people we would give our lives for.

Lust vs. Love and Everything In-Between

a untitled nyeMy deepest fear isn’t that I’m not good enough for the world, it isn’t that my words won’t touch a million people. I believe in my craft, I have faith in my talent. I have no fear in disappointing them out there, they’ll love one story I write and hate the next book. My deepest fear is not knowing whether or not you’re proud of me.

Haunting my dreams.

Stalking my thoughts.

My words are motivated by the orgasms we’ve shared. The strokes on the keypad can never compare to the strokes across your skin. I hurt you, I broke your heart. No matter my intentions, that’s what happened and I want to love you but I know I can’t.

Loving you is poison baked in a perfectly baked cookie. Sweet, moist, tasty, perfect… but once it’s inside of me it destroys me. How can you love what destroys you? How can you need what has the potential to break you?

I’ve been traveling more lately, spending more nights in hotel rooms. Talking to strangers at restaurant bars, finding solace in my thoughts. Finding prison in my thoughts.

Don’t you ever tell me you don’t love me, I can see it in your eyes. Don’t you ever tell me you don’t need me, I can feel it between your thighs. Your mouth tells me no, your words say stop, but your body trembles. No lace, no cotton, no silk can hide the way your nipples respond to my voice. No door, no screen, no wall can stop me from hearing the emotion in your words.

Lust is such an interesting word. Need, desire, want, hunger… Lust is the word that comes to mind when I can’t sleep and I see your naked body with my eyes wide open. Lust is the word that comes to mind when your moans are ghost under the steam of the shower. Don’t tell me you don’t love me because watching you look back at me, caramel skin on white sheets. Sweat and intensity on a perfect face, if that’s not love… If that’s not love it’s lust and accepting that isn’t something my love can handle.

Goodnight.

 

Can You Still Feel It…

The closer the Holidays get, the colder the nights, the shorter the days, the more vivid the day dreams get. The more fierce the nightmares become.

Sleep consist of tossing and turning, walking to the kitchen knowing I’m not thirsty. Walking to my office, knowing I’ll get no work done. Two, maybe three hours of memories. Memories that once brought smiles to my face, memories that inspired the best in me. Now those same memories have inspired nightmares I can’t shake. Images so vivid I awake shaking and panicked. A shot glass or two or four giving me a reprieve from the endless night.

“Do you miss me?”

“Do you think about me?”

“Just tell me you love me. I don’t care if you mean it, I just need to hear it.”

The text are typed but never sent. The letters are written but then ripped up. Pacing the living room, the iPad synced with the TV, the images in my dreams being shown live. Her smile, her hair, her caramel skin in HD.

I hear knocks at the door, I open the door. She’s standing there with her arms open, tears in her eyes.

“I miss you.”

Stepping on the porch to hug her there’s no one there. The gate is closed, the wind attacking my shirt less body.

There’s no one. I blink my eyes but still nothing. I hear her moans, “make me love you baby, I know you can make me cum.”

I step back in the house! My eyes wide, my heart beating!

“Where the fuck are you?! Stop fucking with me!!! Stop! Stop!”

She’s still talking, still moaning. It’s her on the TV, the video goes black. There’s no one here, there was never anyone here. Throwing the shot glass against the wall! I grab the bottle and turn it up! More of the brown liquor falling on my chest and the floor than down my throat! It burns, I gag but the burn helps me forget if even only for a second that I’m losing my mind. The clock reads 3am, I take two pills to take me back to my nightmares. I hate them but they’re the only time she’s real.

Life goes on, the only question is when?

Tears of the Fall… Complete Edition

“Say what you have to say and leave! I’m tired, it’s raining and to be honest I really don’t have shit to say to you! You have four minutes.”

I felt like a stalker. She changed her number, she moved out our apartment and no one knew or would tell me where she was staying and she’d blocked me on everything from Facebook to Hotmail. The only place I knew to find her was her job. I wasn’t trying to make her office gossip so I didn’t wait in the lobby or walk up to her floor. I just drove the parking garage until I saw her car and waited.

When things are going good, when she’s calling seconds after she’s left the house just to say she loves me. When our text vary from explicit to romantic to silly, when all my friends compare our relationship to theirs. When things were like that I could never have seen this coming. Seeing her, standing in front of me, her arms crossed. Cell phone in one hand, keys in the other, the hatred in her eyes.

A month ago I would have killed any man that made her feel that way.

But today I was the man that was at the center of her resentment, her wrath.

“Can we just go somewhere and have a drink? Talk.”

“If I was in hell and there were two glasses of water I still wouldn’t have a drink with your bitch ass. Now you have three and a half minutes! Say what the fuck you need to say and leave me alone. Please! Please!”

“You don’t have to fucking talk to me like this!” I slapped the car next to me and stepped towards her. She flinched but didn’t back away.

“I wish you would put your hands on me. I wish you would… You don’t have the right to touch me again! I hate you! Stupid! I hate you! You know what, your five minutes are up!” She turned to get in her car!

I grabbed her arm!

She slapped me!

I grabbed her other arm, she pushed me off and slapped me again! I pushed her to the opening of the parking garage. The rain was falling on us both, I could feel her fighting me, struggling to get lose but I needed her to hear me!

“Was what I did so wrong?! It was before we met, before I knew you! All the guys that fucked over you! The family that used you! I never hurt you! I never gave you a reason not to trust me, not to give me the benefit of the doubt! So how the hell could you just give up on me?! I deserve that shit!?”

“This isn’t about deserve!!! Fuck everyone else! Those other guys may have been full of shit but I knew they were! My family may get on my nerves but they’re blood! You let me believe that you were perfect! I gave more of myself to you than I thought was capable… And you were lying to me the entire time. No one is, was or will ever be capable of hurting me the way you did. No one. You broke me… You may as well push me over the edge.”

I let her go and turned around. She started hitting me on the back, trying to scratch me with her keys! I just walked away, ignoring her blows…

“WALK AWAY! WALK AWAY BITCH! YOU LIAR! YOU’RE A LIAR! JUST PUSH ME! PUSH ME OVER THE EDGE! YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I CHANGED MY NUMBERS AND MOVED AND ERASED YOU! BECAUSE TRYING TO FORGET YOUR BITCH ASS EXSISTED IS BETTER THAN HAVING TO DEAL WITH SEEING YOU! KNOWING I HATE YOU AND LOVE YOU AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!”

I turned around and picked her up, pushed her against the column! Her teeth sank into my lips! I could taste the blood, my hand pushed up her skirt!

The column blocked us from behind, the car blocked people from seeing us and the elements provided the backdrop!

“Make me forget I hate you! Make me forget!”

Her tears made me hard!

Her tears broke my heart!

 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” Our faces were so close, our lips just millimeters apart. I could feel the wetness from her tears on my face, I could feel the wetness from between her thighs on my fingertips.

“I’ve been with other men, since you broke my heart I’ve been with other men. Do you still want me? Do you still want to be inside of me?!”

Her hands were gripping my face, forcing me to look at her. I couldn’t look at her.

I couldn’t hear this.

“Look at me! Look at me! I hate you! I… Hate… You.” She kissed me, her tongue deep in my mouth. Her hands in my hair, her fingernails digging in my neck.

“Can you taste them?! Can you taste them?! Because I can taste her! I can taste her now. There were three or four of them inside of me, on me, just so I could forget about you! Just so I could hurt you! I knew you’d find me! I knew you wouldn’t let me go. And now that you’re here, now that you’re holding me, trying to make me forget about her! You’ll have to live with the same nightmares I live with! I fucked them in our bed, on your pillow, I started to call you so that you could hear! You still miss me baby? You still want me baby? Or do you hate me like I hate you now?!

“FUUUUUCK! FUUUCK! STOP IT! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!”

Grabbing her neck and turning her around, her hands braced against the column in the crowded parking garage. I pushed up her skirt even further, ripped off her panties. I tugged at my belt, my zipper.

She turned around and slapped me!

“If you want this! If this is what you need! Look at me! Look at me and see those men in my eyes! They were bigger than you! Better than you! I did things with them I’d never do with you!”

“Shut up! Shut your fucking mouth!”

I put my hand over her mouth, she bit me! Slapped me again! I grabbed her face and kissed her! I saw their faces…

I saw their faces….

The fight left me, she fell to the ground, her hands in her head. Sobbing like she just got the most devastating news of her life. I hit the car! I hit the car again! And again! And again!

I screamed! I couldn’t hold the pain in, I couldn’t imagine life without her but seeing her on the ground crying, seeing my own reflection in the window of the car I knew things could never be like they once were.

“It’s not what you think! Stop saying that! Stop lying to me! There was no one else, you haven’t been with anyone else!

 

12 Play Her Pleasure…

One- Kissing– Trace the fullness of her lips with my tongue and kiss her mouth gently. Building the anticipation of her breaths before my tongue slides past her lips. It is completely possible for a woman to have an orgasm from just a kiss. It’s more than just our mouths touching, it’s our bodies connecting, the lips send a sensation to the nipples that send a sensation to her clit that arouses all her senses. Tenderly kiss and caress the forehead, brows, eyelids and tip of the nose and chin. Running my fingers along her face and neck. Taking my time in turning her on, in owning her body in that moment. 

Two-  Mental Four Play– ‘I want you so bad…’ ‘I need you right now.’ ‘Your body feels amazing, you feel amazing!’ ‘I can’t wait to taste you.’ I tailor my words around the woman she is, if she’s shy my words are soothing and calm, whispers in her ear. If she’s aggressive and sexual my words are hard, accompanied by bites on her neck and shoulder. Not hard enough to leave bruises but hard enough to make just enough pain turn to pleasure. Words have power, words are sexy and can be anything from loving to nasty.

Three- Control– Grabbing the back of her neck, pulling her body close. Holding her hips and turning her around, arching her back and pushing her up against the door or wall or bed. Control is having the balance between arousal and excitement. Adrenaline pumping turns aggression to pleasure. She likes when I take control, when I’m a man and she’s a woman. She gets wet knowing I know what I’m doing, her nipples are hard because my hands are hard on her body. You can caresses and grab at the same time, just know your strength and her body. Her body talks, each touch is going to bring a moan or shiver or jerk.   

Four- Visual Intercourse– Standing back and watching. No man can ever know a woman’s body better than she knows her own. Her sitting on the couch or lying in the bed, her back up against a wall, women are natural entertainers. Knowing I’m watching turns her on more than anything. Her fingers sliding in her panties, her eyes meeting mine and locking on to them. Watching the rhythm in which she touches herself is almost a learning experience. I encourage her to keep going, I encourage her to make herself cum. I compliment her and say nasty things, say things that she’d never want her friends or family to know made her wet and horney.

Five- Building Pleasure– The inner thighs, the back of her knees, right below her belly button. Kissing and exciting all the areas adjacent to her vagina. By the time my mouth finds that button she should be leaking and begging for my tongue. Building pleasure is all about listening to her breathing pattern, about not staying in one spot for too long but not neglecting any part either. The more pleasure I bring her, the more she’ll want to bring me.

Six- Savoring the Moment– Whether we’re in my truck or a bed or standing outside the front door… I’m taking my time even when I’m not. Letting her know this is important, her body is important, whether or not I’m hurting her or pleasing her is important. Each kiss is perfect because it matters, each time my fingers find her wetness, it’s all about pleasing her because the moment matters. The more I do to let her know this, the more comfortable she’ll be and the more open her body becomes.

 

12 Play His Pleasure…

For 1-6 I talked about pleasing her. Touching her body, kissing her body, caressing and bringing out that comfort level that turns her into a freak. The whole reason any man should be so giving is because the more you give, the more she’s going to give when the time comes. So 7-12 will be about receiving pleasure from a man’s point of view.

Seven- Female Aggression– There is nothing sexier than a woman that knows what she wants is willing to go for it. This isn’t 1964, being shy isn’t cute. When her hand rubs my thigh or she sticks the tip of her finger in my mouth after she’s touched herself right before she kisses me… Her confidence shouldn’t waiver. Whether she’s in a t-shirt and panties or a negligee and pumps.  I want to look into her eyes and know that she knows her sexual prowess is the truth. It always starts with the vibe.

Eight- Scenery– I’ve never understood this newfound fascination with a woman being completely waxed. If it’s trimmed and fresh what man is going to complain? Foreplay isn’t just physical it’s mostly mental and that starts with what I’m looking at. Thongs and lace panties aren’t necessary. If she’s wearing purple boxers and a tank top I’m going to be just as aroused. Hair excites me, the feel of it on my face while we’re kissing, pulling it aside while I bite her neck. Smelling or lotion or shampoo or perfume. It’s all apart of the scenery, losing myself in her. She’s controlling me with all the things that make her a woman.

Nine- Honesty– Most women have no problem telling you what makes them cum when you’re trying to pleasure them. Lick there, slow down, speed up, less fingers. I’m the same exact way. I appreciate nasty, I appreciate her looking up at me while I’m in her mouth. I appreciate her moans and saliva. One of the most sensitive parts on a woman is that space between her vagina and ass. Light pressure to her anus while working the other pleasure points is golden. It’s not the same with men but I do love the feel of her hands on my stomach or legs while she’s performing. And because when I was pleasing her I was so focused she’ll be just as focused on me getting mines.

Ten- Positions– There are two positions that give me life during sex. And they both have just as much to do with her being in control as they do with my watching her. Seeing a woman bent over a couch or on all fours, her back arched on the bed, her looking back and telling me… ‘It’s yours.’ That feeling of watching her ass jiggle and her push it back. The give and take that comes with that position. It’s glorious! The other is her being on top, looking at me, kissing me. Grabbing my neck and scratching me. I’m very much a fan of roughness. Aggression equals lust. And it’s even better with clothes on, a dress or skirt raised; panties pulled to the side. Breast falling out the top of the bra. Biting her collarbone and telling her how much I’ve missed her, how much I’ve needed this.

Eleven- Pillowtalk– I’ll keep this simple, it’s the moments after the pleasure is over and our bodies are satisfied that we’re sitting in each others arms and just talking. It could be about life, about love, about anything. It’s quality time. Pillow talk is the difference between fucking and making love.  

Twelve- Virtual Stimulation– That text that comes later that night or the next morning. A smiley face, something more vivid, it doesn’t matter because they all mean the same. I’m glowing today because you did your thing!