One of the reasons writing will always have a place in our society is because it allows you to explain yourself. Unlike Twitter which gives you a character limit and you can easily be misquoted or Instagram which gives you one minute and someone can take a fifteen second soundbite and ruin your life, articles allow you to give your entire side.

I have a lot of thoughts on my grandparents generation. I do believe in a sense they were the best of us, they were brave and professional and they built homes, communities and families. But they also had their flaws, they spoiled their children and made a lot of them lazy which led to being bad parents. They cheated in a way in which they would have entire families across town.

They are just such a confusing yet interesting generation. I won’t  get too deep into it but I’m sure a lot of it has to do with being raised by parents that were heavy in Jim Crow and segregation. They saw their parents and grandparents struggle and not know how to read in a lot of cases so they wanted more. More often included sin.

The one thing they did that I did respect, is they always knew to take care of home first. There’s a part on Fences that goes unnoticed. He gives his check to his wife faithfully to pay the bills before he buys his liquor, hangs with his friends, cheats. He knew to take care of home before anything else and when he stopped taking care of home, his life fell apart.

Women were the same way. A woman may have had all the chores to do in the world or may have worked her ass off but she knew when her man walked through the door there would be dinner. She knew that no matter what he was taking care of home so she took care of him.

Our generation has lost that. We live in this constant state of taking care of everything and everyone but home. It’s a bunch of things, it’s technology, it’s circumstance, it’s social media. But they all lead to the same conclusion. We are a generation of selfish people.

In the 90’s a man or woman would work all day and when they got home from work they would call their friend and have a conversation about what went on. Maybe if they have an office phone, they’ll call during lunch. Now we’re in an era where people have 24/7 access to you. If you aren’t talking in a group chat, you’re on the phone, if you aren’t on the phone, you’re on Facebook. Everything feels urgent when the truth is, it isn’t. We carry our phones around like slaves. We neglect those closes to us in hopes a stranger likes a picture.

We don’t take care of home. Getting online and pretending to be in love means more than coming home and making sure someone ate. Going to hang out with friend’s matters more than coming home and surprising your significant other. Everything becomes an argument about who did what or who does more because the truth is our generation just doesn’t care about home.

So we end up with blended families and regret. We end up with people not appreciating what they had until it’s gone when the truth of the matter is, the same people you neglect your family for. The same strangers you crave attention from, once you lose the person that was there for you when the camera phone was off, none of that attention will feel as important.

Life has been and will always be about priorities. Every decision we make leads to the next decision. You can try and justify them but in your heart you know, we all know.

Our grandparents didn’t always do things the right way but they knew to take care of home first.

How Do You Make A Relationship Work? Go In the Other Room and Put Your Phone Down

fullsizerender1Whenever I write about relationships I tell people I’m no expert. I’m not the man that’s going to give you five steps on how to be this perfect man or how to find your perfect woman. I’m simply a guy that’s sharing my experiences and learning as I go. One thing I’ve learned more than anything this past year is that arguments will happen and it isn’t the arguments that hurt your relationship, it’s what happens after.

My girlfriend and I both have social media profiles, followings. What we say matters, not on a Kim and Kanye level but on a level that will have people interested or at the very least paying attention. What neither of us can do is let our emotion or passion or anger spread to the world of social media.

Early in our relationship she’d get mad at me and get all Meek Mill with the Twitter fingers and I had to sit her down and let her know that’s not okay. And when I was upset or frustrated it wasn’t okay for me to run to my blog and write about it. You know what is okay? Working out, going to take a nap, calling your sister or friend to vent.

There’s nothing impressive about holding grudges and resentment with someone you want to hold and kiss and laugh with. It doesn’t make you gangster depriving yourself of kisses and tacos because the person you’d cross an ocean for pissed you off. Let that hurt go, put that phone down, cool down and Netflix and Chill.

If you’re halfway attractive or interesting people will co-sign anything you say. So you’re mad and put out there, “I don’t understand why my man can’t accept that some days I don’t feel like cooking.” You get random guys commenting, “I’d cook for you every night.” “Your man is selfish.” These guys aren’t doing anything but being cheerleaders in hopes that they’re first in line if your relationship doesn’t work. Women are even worse because they’re 10 times more passive aggressive with their flirting, “I work all week and I can’t even get a night to myself, my girl is tripping.” What I didn’t mention is that maybe there were issues in the past where I didn’t earn her trust. Maybe the men I’m hanging out with don’t respect my relationship and she’s worried they’ll put me in a compromising position. Stay offline and take a nap. Wake up and talk to your him or her, you’d be surprised at how something you thought was minor hurt them more than you knew.



Talking About Your Ex Says More About You Than Them

blog pic5I’ve always found it incredibly awkward when people go on rants about how unimpressive their ex’s were. Think about it for a minute, this is someone you spent countless days and weeks with. Someone you more than likely slept with and thought about marrying or having children with so why now are you letting the world know how sorry they were?

Every relationship isn’t going to end on good terms so I understand anger or resentment towards someone but being angry with what someone did isn’t the same as not appreciating what they meant to you.

My girlfriend was with her ex for 8 years or so. Of course we’ve talked about their relationship because that’s what couples do, you have those conversations about why it didn’t work, etc. But one thing she’s never done is went out of her way to bad mouth the man. I’ve never heard her mention any of his flaws to me and that’s how it should be. Just because you break up with someone it doesn’t mean you get the green light to be a jerk.

There are secrets that we only tell the people we’re most intimate with. Secrets you can only tell the man or woman that you love. What I could never respect is a person that tells those secrets after they’ve broken up with someone. That says so much about your character that you feel like it’s okay to betray someone’s trust just because you’re not longer together.

Let me be crystal clear. I want the woman I marry to have certain standards. I want her to only have claimed men that are equal to me or better men than me. I don’t need to know that I’m the smartest, most attractive, funniest, wealthiest guy she’s ever dated because what does any of that matter? I have her and she loves me for whatever I am or I’m not. Putting down someone else just to make someone feel better means that the person you’re with has some insecurity issues that they need to check.

Stop Expecting Her to Accept Your Apology; Start Expecting Her to Be Happy

Author Demez F. White

Author Demez F. White

Women have more respect for you when you’re genuine and this goes for every aspect of life. Do you love her? Do you want to protect her from anyone that talks about her or wants to do wrong by her? If the answer to those questions is yes, then why be insincere? If your woman puts on a dress that’s not flattering or a pair of jeans that do nothing for her shape, why tell her what you think she wants to hear? Do you want her going out with her friends, going to work, looking a mess? Because if you look her in the eyes and say, “Baby, you look amazing!” She’s going to believe you. When she walks into that office looking like a fool, that’s on you. Just be honest, “I don’t like the way that’s fitting you, what about that purple dress?”

If you’re going to apologize to a woman you hurt; stop expecting her to accept it. Stop expecting that all will be forgiven because you now feel remorse or understand what you did was wrong. Apologies are meant to let someone know that you are truly sorry and remorseful for what you did. They aren’t meant so that you can get your foot back in the door. They aren’t tools for longer conversations that you hope turn into dates that you hope make her remember what you used to have. Women respect sincerity, maybe she’ll never look at you like she once did. Maybe she’ll never hug you and melt because of your cologne or watch you sleep but she’ll respect you. Sometimes an apology isn’t a “Maybe we can be friends” but it’s an “Now we can finally move on.”

You know the best apology you can give a woman? It’s not words, it’s showing her that you’re the man she always thought you could be. Women are so cool because unlike men, their love doesn’t die but it transitions. She can not want you but can be happy that you’ve grown and will never treat another woman like you treated her. That lets her know she mattered, that you learned from losing her and because of her you became this man that she once loved the idea of.

The day I knew I grew up was the day I decided that not every wrong deserves an apology. Not every broken heart deserves a love letter. Letting someone go, letting them be happy, that’s you saying, “I’m sorry and I wish you a lifetime of love and happiness.” When you’re constantly trying to find ways to wiggle back into their lives for the same half -hearted apologies, you aren’t allowing them the chance to be happy.

Real love, that love that burns your chest when you can’t sleep. That love that causes food you used to love to taste like bile in your mouth. That love is reserved for the people we never want to see hurt. It’s reserved for the people that come into our lives like a tornado and rip away the memory of anyone that came before them. Love like that means you have to let them go.

Touch It For Me Now… (Explicit Content)

dress-naked.jpg “I was bored at work today so I put my finger inside to see how tight it was, I think these kegals have been working.” I could tell she was whispering, she liked talking like this when there were people around. I could hear them talking in the background.

“I was sitting at my desk and I know you were out of town two weeks ago and last week mother nature was visiting, I’m feigning over here.”
Her voice wasn’t calm anymore, I’m sure to anyone watching they couldn’t tell the difference but I could. It was a subtle shift in her tone.

“What if I told you I want you to touch your pussy for me right now.” She laughed, she laughed because she wanted to talk shit back but she knew that I knew she couldn’t. To every one in that room she’d probably never said a curse word in her life. If only they knew her mouth like I did.

“I’d tell you that my current situation doesn’t allow me access to those files at the moment but I can get them to you shortly.”

“Touch it right now!”

Now it was time for my tone to change. I wasn’t laughing or playing. Standing up and closing my office door I listened to her breathe.

“Those files are locked up tight; you’re being unreasonable. Give me some time.”

Knowing what she was thinking, knowing she was wet was making this serious for me. Two weeks was a long time for us. We were both about to explode.

“Right now I’m unbuttoning your blouse and biting your nipples through your bra. I’m going to suck them but I like doing this first because I know how much you want me to pull them out. Leave your heels on, leave your skirt on, I’m going to have you step out your panties and I’ll put them in my pocket for safe keeping.”

I paused so that she would do what I knew she would do.

“Please keep going sir, I’m listening.theres still time before my meeting starts.”

“Eating pussy is an art. Rubbing your clit with my thumb, watching you watch how wet you sound. It’s warm, tight like you said it was. Performing on you is like kissing you. It starts with just my lips and then I use my tongue. The more you moan, the more you move your hips, the more you play in my hair; the harder I suck. You jump when I slide a third finger in your ass but you don’t stop me. One for the clit, one for your pussy and one for your ass. Not too deep but deep enough for you to cum. Would you like to sit on my face?”

“I’m touching the file right now. I found a way to get a quick look at it. I’d like to do more but I just can’t get full access at the moment.”

Feeling how hard I was, thinking about her in that conference room trying her best not to get caught touching herself under the table.

“All I’ve been thinking about is cumming in you. I love how nasty you get when you’re riding me. How in control you are. My dick fits inside of you like a glove. What you’re touching right now, that heat you feel on your finger tips. It’s mines. I want you to climb off my dick and taste how you taste. I want to watch you suck your juices off what’s yours.

Click… I put the phone down knowing she couldn’t take it anymore. My phone vibrated with a text seconds later.

“I’m going to fuck the shit out of you when I get out of this damn meeting! Leave work now and go get what we need for the weekend because neither of us are leaving your house until Monday morning! It is yours by the way!”

Fall Love 101

06spa I’m a romantic…
Forty seven degree nights and hot chocolate
Coats and jackets that stop just above your thigh

Boots that scream “touch me, lick me, fuck me”
Sweaters that hug your chest, jeans that grip your ass
Windy days that get ignored because of the heat we create

Your arms wrapped around my neck; my arms wrapped around your waist
Late nights and early mornings because going to sleep means you’re not here
Pumpkins and costumes that leave very little to the imagination
Costumes that make for great pictures, especially when you take the ones that are “just for me”

Rainy days that turn into sick days at work
Friday day trips that turn into weekend trips because getting out of bed isn’t an option
Body heat and muscle control

Patron and strawberries
Strawberries and Ciroc
Orange juice and Moet

Your eyes burning a hole thru me
My eyes eating you alive
Our eyes speaking more than our mouths ever could

Lips that are sore from kissing
Lips that are sore from getting kissed
Lips that are ready to be kissed

Scarves and gloves at Miller Outdoor Theatre
Sweat pants and hoodies on the balcony
My tongue on your neck
Your voice floating in the air

Walking Down the Aisle
Conversations Between Adults
You cumming to my words

Fall Love 101 is about all the things I think about when I think about touching you
All the things I think about when I think about this amazing season
Everything I want and everything I need

I’m no good alone, I’m driven by Passion… Inspiration… Lust
Say goodnight to someone tonight; not a text or a tweet
But call them and say goodnight; there is nothing like hearing a woman’s voice before bed

It’s what I miss most…

3 Reasons Why Side Chicks Will Never Win In Life…

182240_562470723185_118401058_31406809_1126638_nLet me be perfectly clear about what this blog is about. I’m not one of those writers or men that’s going to sit here and pretend like men won’t always have women on the side. This isn’t me condoning it nor saying it’s okay, it’s simply me acknowledging that adultery and creeping exist. However, no matter how attractive or interesting the woman or man in some cases on the side is, know this… There is rarely a future for him or her with the person they’re cheating with. We as a society are very forgiving of the man that cheats on his wife but rarely do we forgive the women that “drove” him to that sin. These five are rational reasons why or in some cases irrational.

Three- Society- People love talented and strong men, we are forgiving of these men despite their flaws. Their wives forgive them, their girlfriends forgive them, their children forgive them. The companies they run or nations they lead or stadiums they fill forgive them. Magic Johnson caught and could have given them HIV and he’s loved, Bill Clinton got head in the oval office and people are saying he saved President Obama’s Presidency. Athletes, musicians, authors and everyday men get other women pregnant or lie and a year later it’s like it was a small inconvenience. So where does that blame go, where does the hate and resentment and judgment go? It goes to the woman, it goes to the woman that had the audacity to fall for a married man or man in a relationship. We don’t care what he told her or if he lied or manipulated her, we just know she broke up a marriage and we hate her for it regardless if that’s the truth of not.

Two- Perfection- Do you know why so many men fall so hard for the woman on the side? It’s not the sex, most girlfriends and wives are just as horny as we are. It’s the perceived perfection. All the conversations are sexy and flirty and you connect over complaining about what “she” isn’t doing. Or what “he” isn’t doing. There’s no stomach viruses or bills or waiting up when a child is sick or a loved one dies. The woman on the side is like a vacation, you never see her with her hair wrapped and big panties on. You never see her bloated and cramping. She laughs when you call her at four am and tell her you were at the strip club or can’t sleep. So if that day comes when that side woman is given a promotion most men still expect that perfection, they expect that easy going, do what you want baby mindset. Once the woman realizes she’s in a no win situation; she can be that woman and get ran over or she can be who is wife was and get cheated on like she did. You keep them how you got them or you lose them how you got them.

One- Distrust- I can’t speak for all men but most of us have the same mindset despite our educational, economic or social backgrounds. If a woman will cheat with us she’ll cheat on us. If a woman will allow us to cheat with her, she should understand when we want to cheat on her. If a woman is willing to creep on her man with me, why wouldn’t she creep on me? These questions will plague us every time she’s coming home late or goes to visit her mother or goes on a vaca with her girls. Trust is as fragile as an infant’s touch. Once that trust is put in jeopardy the world will never be the same.

Marriage Counseling III ‘Date Night’

When I woke up this morning there was a note tapped to the mirror in the bathroom.

“Dear Wife… I made you a spa appointment at the Four Seasons for 11am. A car will be there to pick you up around 10:30. Pack a bag for a day or two and set the alarm when you leave. They’ll be further instructions for you at the hotel. I’m looking forward to our date. I love you.”

I read the note 3 more times before I remembered that the car would be here in an hour. He’d always start the night in the bed with me but around two or three he’d go to the home gym or his office and just be in his own world.

At first I just knew if he wasn’t touching me he was touching someone but I checked all our phone records, his emails, popped up at his office during lunch and there was no one else. I think I just wanted a fight. To scream or yell or just a fight.

But last night he slept in the bed all night. I woke up around two and his arms around me felt foreign for a second. Lying with my husband must have seriously calmed me because I slept till past 9 for the first time since our son…

Making the bed, packing a weeks worth of clothes and lingerie when he clearly meant for us to stay just the weekend; I couldn’t stop bouncing around. My husband spoiled me, he treated me like he was afraid to let me down. Attention, affection, sex, selfless, nasty sex. So not getting that attention had me not just stressed physically but emotionally I was wrecked.

However! There is no way we were staying at the Four Seasons for a weekend and not wearing each other out.

I did one last check around the house. Called my mother and sister to let them know I’d be out of pocket for a couple days and smiled as the chauffeur opened the back door to my town car.

In the backseat was an open bottle of chilled wine, some grapes and two envelopes. I grabbed the smallest one. It was his Amex. He paid all the bills but my credit card bills.

I opened the other envelope.

“Dear Wife… I pushed your spa day back till one. Buy what you want. Well, buy most of what you want. I’d appreciate it if you forget to buy panties. We haven’t played that little game we like to play at dinner in awhile. We can’t live in the past any longer. We’ll make this right tonight and we’ll make another child tonight or at least get started trying. I love you.”

When he wanted something he made it happen. I think I had my husband back!

Part IV this afternoon.